


Shining

by wirewrappedlily



Category: Almost Human, Doom (2005), Dredd (2012), Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: Author is a madwoman, M/M, Mentions of Suicide, Minor Character Death, don't ask: just read it, post STID
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-25
Updated: 2018-05-10
Packaged: 2019-03-23 15:39:21
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 19
Words: 80,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13790805
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wirewrappedlily/pseuds/wirewrappedlily
Summary: He was John Grimm.No, he was John Kennex.Then he became Joesph Dredd.Now, in the wake of the wars and the Eugenics craze; in the wake of losing Sarge, Sam, Dorian, Valerie, Rudy, Sandra, Cassandra, and more Chief Judges than he had the heart to remember, he was Leonard Horatio McCoy.





	1. I Know You (Once Upon a Dream)

**Author's Note:**

> I started on a version of this five years ago, and could not for the life of me figure out how to work it. Please let me know what you think.

He was John Grimm. 

No, he was John Kennex. 

Then he became Joesph Dredd. 

Now, in the wake of the wars and the Eugenics craze; in the wake of losing Sarge, Sam, Dorian, Valerie, Rudy, Sandra, Cassandra, and more Chief Judges than he had the heart to remember, he was Leonard Horatio McCoy. 

He'd cut himself off as Dredd: stopping himself against making emotional bonds in the hopes that he could do the job and not feel a damn thing when he lost someone. Now, he was learning all the ways in all the worlds he could keep someone from being lost, because even for as protected behind his walls as he'd been, he still hadn't been untouchable. 

C24 had ruined his life by making it so that his life could go on forever. 

Marrying Jocelyn, having Joanna, it was a moment of fever dream that lasted too long; and when it fell apart it'd been more of a relief than he could rightfully deserve. When Leonard realized he couldn't have what he wanted, he'd sabotaged all of it himself. 

He'd start over. Keep an eye on Jo, because he loved her with everything in him--but also because he needed to make sure that this mistake he'd made of passing on his genetics along wouldn't pass on what set his genetics truly apart. He could go back to keeping order: forget the medical, he'd always been damn good at taking lives, just as much as saving them--

And then he walked into a bar in Iowa, of all damn places. And bright blue eyes caught his attention. Impossibly blue eyes. Leonard watched as the kid picked a fight with Starfleet cadets. Too many of them, and the kid knew it, but he did it anyway. He lurked, not reaching for a drink for the first time in centuries, listening in as Captain Pike talked about the father of James T. Kirk once the fight was dispersed. He gave the kid a challenge, and Leonard watched as Jim's impossible eyes snapped it up, ready to own it in every possible way. Leonard listened; the shuttle was in Riverside. He hadn't been in space for a long, long time. He'd hated it, even after the scars of Olduvai had faded to what should have been nothing. It'd progressed to all kinds of mistrust in things that flew. A goddamned RRTS operative afraid to fly. Sarge would've smacked him upside the head. 

Leonard didn't know what drew him to the kid; what made him feel the need to get on the damn shuttle. Last time he'd followed his gut like this, he'd only barely managed to blow up the monster that had taken over his best friend instead of either letting the monster walk, or dying in trying to stop him. 

If Dorian had only figured out that the damage Leonard had been carrying around when he was John Kennex had really gone damn deeper than simply that ambush. If he'd known it was by far not the first partner John Kennex or John Grimm had lost, maybe Leonard McCoy wouldn't be quite so lost now. 

He found himself being herded out of the bathroom, plunked into the seat next to the kid's, and by the bloodstains, he hadn't bothered to do much in the interim, but at least he hadn't found someone else to have a go at bashing his fool head in. 

Alcohol seemed like a good idea, even though Leonard had lost the ability to get truly drunk. He'd never liked the taste of alcohol, really; he only drank it now because he wanted to prove for himself that there really was no way for him to get drunk--that his metabolism really had changed enough. By now, it was almost habit. Offering the kid his flask, talking to him at all caused something in Leonard's hindbrain to sit up and recognize that everything was about to change, and it was too late to stop it the second he'd opened his fool mouth. 

The kid was too easy to get close to; and Leonard honestly couldn't decide if his own damn intentions were pure or not, he'd been hiding himself away in the dark for so long. Jim Kirk was blazing sunlight, and Leonard didn't know if he could handle having another beautiful thing in his life. It was his lot that he lost the beautiful things in his life. 

He'd lost his twin sister to cancer, his best friend to a demon and a bomb he'd had to throw himself, the perfect partner (his last best friend) to a tech-bomb, and the closest he'd been to real love had died grinning up at him. After the third world war had laid the world to waste, he'd seen people deformed, almost as crazed as the demons up on Olduvai. And the Eugenics had just been madness. He'd've laid the world to ash if his own blood wouldn't have helped their cause just so much more. C24 was what they were looking for, really: He was stronger, faster, smarter, and he'd been surviving shit for centuries by that point. 

Getting close to the blue-eyed idiot was a bad idea: he'd end up alone again, probably sooner than later, and he'd only have himself to blame for making that mistake twice. 

Jim Kirk was a kind of young that encompassed things that Leonard had forgotten too fucking long ago. When Leonard had crossed paths with Jocelyn, she'd commended him for being so mature, so adult. And when Jocelyn had ended it, it was because he wasn't romantic or young with her; because he was who his lifetimes had made him into. 

But after just three days with Jim, and Leonard hadn't known who he was anymore: With Jim, there was laughter and fun, and late nights over cold take out talking about idiotic things Jim had done in his misspent youth. Leonard found himself in bars, pulling a drunken Jim out of brawls--and he found himself starting one or two, something he'd stopped himself from doing for years. But Jim Kirk was a famous name for all the wrong reasons, and the whispers that followed Jim like a plague of locusts eating at his damn self-esteem needed to be put down, even if it was with a superhuman fist. 

It was rare when Jim would slow down enough to let the vulnerability that choked at Leonard's throat show. For every moment he spent partying, fucking around, and getting himself into trouble, it was a moment where Jim could fool himself into thinking he was invincible, which was something Leonard knew he needed. As much as it made every survivor's instinct in him stand on end, Leonard McCoy had to have Jim Kirk's back, there was no doubt about it. It brought him closer than he'd ever wanted to being out in the open, but it was a price he'd have to pay for having fallen into Jim's orbit in the first place. 

He'd gotten them onto the Enterprise, and had saved Christopher Pike's life while they were up there, but the real treasure had been in watching Jim come into his own; finding his steady. 

It shouldn't have surprised him, how Jim Kirk had suddenly _stopped_ , though. How he looked as they brought him in; laid there, dead on a stretcher, the sunlight gone to grey. The man that had begun his long life as John Grimm had never felt pain like this before, even in all his years of losing everyone he loved. 

Khan's blood had all the markers of a mutated form of C24; stifling the physical mutation that served as an outer warning sign to the gene's reaction to inner evil, as Sam had put it. The imbalance of chemicals that spoke of true psychosis had been what triggered C24 to truly turn people into monsters. Khan's genetic mutation should have been into that of one of the monsters, but this re-imagining of C24 had kept him from having that reaction, and because he'd looked too much like them, Jim had listened to him. And now Jim was dead. 

Leonard couldn't help but dwell on what could have been done; that he could have gone into that reactor chamber and righted the warp core himself and come back out, shedding his hair but otherwise unscathed. Now, instead, he was facing down a world without Jim Kirk in it. 

He could have told Jim who he really was and what he could really do, even if he'd never been able to tell anyone else before, and Jim could have called for him. 

Leonard closed his eyes against the image of Jim lying still on that stretcher, and the whisper came to him as if Sam was sitting next to him in that storage cupboard all over again, _"I know you."_ She'd told him, and despite the bullets and shrapnel that he'd been made of, she'd injected him with C24 to save him...just before he'd died. 

Leonard's eyes fell to Jim just as a fully dead Tribble purred to life on the heels of that thought, and he was on his feet, barking out orders. "Get me a cryotube, now!" 

Brain damage was a threat if Jim was dead for too long without countermeasures; Leonard wasn't about to risk bringing Jim back just to have lost him. He had the presence of mind to order them to try to bring Khan back alive, even though he knew that should it come to it, he'd use his own blood to formulate C24 in front of all of Starfleet, and damn the consequences if he had to. Jim was a sun in himself, and Leonard wasn't willing to let him wink out without the reprieve of going with him. 

As Leonard levered Jim into the cryotube, he caught Jim's hand, and the words came to him again, _"I know you."_

It wasn't until he was injecting Jim with the serum of his own blood's variety of C24 a fortnight later that he was hit with the realization that this thing he was doing was a risk he should never be taking when he hated it so much; when he'd lost so much because of it. There was no question that Jim would come out on the other side of this as himself as John had; but John had lost everyone there had ever been in his life to time and tragedy, and now, if this worked, he'd just condemned Jim to the same fate. Taking an unsteady step back from the biobed on which Jim had been set up, Leonard flinched as a strong hand fell on his shoulder, pushing him down into a chair. 

Spock was standing there, watching the readouts on the biobed the same as Leonard was, and he looked just as grim as Leonard did, "You are uncomfortable with injecting the captain with a serum we are unsure of the repercussions for." Spock noted. Leonard nodded, unable to bring himself to speak when he knew what the repercussions were. Spock regarded him, and if Leonard could've torn himself from studying Jim's face, he would have been able to meet the Vulcan's gaze, "If there was ever a man the world could not survive without, I believe it would be Jim Kirk." 

Leonard choked slightly, halfway between laughing at the sentimentality from a Vulcan and imagining a world without Jim in it. He heard Nyota's familiar tread nearing them, and Scotty's, and he made himself breathe, because the thoughts tripping through his head of the ways in which Jim would hate him were too much for him to handle just then. 

Nyota's small hand landed on his shoulder in precisely the spot Spock's had to push him into the chair, and she leaned into his side slightly, staring at the captain, as they all did. "Len?" She asked quietly, her hand moving to gently brush through his dark hair, comforting. "When are you gonna tell him you love him?" Leonard flinched at the question, and his laughter finally popped, tears running down his cheeks within seconds, and he welcomed Nyota when she ducked down to wrap him up in her arms. "If you don't, I swear to every god there has ever been that I will." 

"Yeah, 'cause he's gonna wanna have that to deal with if he wakes up." Leonard croaked. 

Nyota tugged her hand through his hair, letting him break down in her hug now that she'd managed to crack through the shell around his feelings, Spock's hand back on his shoulder and Scotty at the foot of the bed, in hysterical tears himself. "I hate to ruin the surprise, but he loves you, too." Scotty told him, voice wobbly. 

"He's going to wake up." Nyota whispered. 

Leonard did know that with an absolute certainty; but he wasn't sure he would be welcome to be anywhere near Jim once he'd told him what he'd done, what it would cost Jim in the end. 

They'd moved Jim to a medical facility in San Francisco from the destroyed ship while Leonard had created the formula, and as things began to truly spiral, Leonard was torn between preparing to slip away from Leonard McCoy and sitting at Jim's beside, just waiting for him to finally wake up. In the end, he found himself in his Medical whites, having just gotten out from his latest round of ethics hearings, when Jim's eyes finally opened. 

Leonard found he wasn't able to stay in the room while the Vulcan was there, too close to spilling his secrets and unwilling to let anyone but Jim hear them. He was halfway to the elevator banks before Spock caught him again, looking perplexed, "Doctor, the captain is asking for you rather insistently. Are you called away on other duties?" 

"N-No..." Leonard wished he'd lied, but as Spock regarded him with pure confusion on his features, he called on some of the bravery that Sarge had taught him; some of the steadiness that Dorian had brought out in him. He'd been carrying a device and an ancient photograph in his pocket for just this occasion, after all; it was now or never. 

Jim smiled when he stepped back into the room, and Leonard felt like his world was coming back right way-up again. "Hey, what's with taking off? One little death by radiation poisoning, and I'm not your favourite patient anymore?" Jim seemed to be reaching for him, and Leonard didn't know what to do with that, getting close enough finally that Jim took his hand, sucking in a slow breath. "So...you saved my life." 

"From the sounds of things, you were givin' all the credit to the Vulcan." 

"I do actually know better." Jim replied with a quirk of his lips, his eyes a little hazy as he regarded Leonard, "Spock said it was Khan's blood you made the serum from...but it wasn't, was it, John?" 

Leonard nearly fell over in shock, stumbling slightly, though Jim's grip on his hand didn't budge. "What...Sorry, what did you just...?" 

"Staff Sargent John 'Reaper' Grimm of the RRTS." Jim recited, voice barely a whisper, as if this wasn't news, "That was your rank, wasn't it?" 

Leonard tried to make himself breathe, wondering how the fuck Jim knew this. Reaching into his pocket, he had the presence of mind to activate the device Rudy Lom had built for him when he'd come to Rudy looking for ways to make himself appear to age. Rudy hadn't known who he was or what he was, but Rudy had built it for him anyway, even though he hadn't asked for it; giving John Kennex something that would block out anything with any kind of technological ears, so that when he told his secret, he'd be as safe as Rudy could possibly make him. "How?" 

Jim glanced from the device back up to him, not releasing his hand, "That's insulting, Bones. Genius, remember? Olduvai was...a shit-show, I'm sure, but historically speaking, it was intriguing. John Grimm got his twin to safety before succumbing to a virus that wiped out literally every other soul there, and she never touched Olduvai research publicly again? Never added up. And I could find photographs of everyone but John Grimm. I always had it on the backburner, Bones. Since high school. Then when we got to the Academy...we both have nightmares, but you...when you have a nightmare, you scream for Sam, Sarge, Dorian, Valerie, and Cassandra like you're in a warzone...I don't know who all of them are, but Sam and Sarge? Those rang a bell." Jim squeezed his hand tightly, "Please tell me you didn't use Khan's blood to save my life." 

Leonard closed his eyes, breathing out a long, slow breath before shaking his head, "His was...re-designed, it would have--" 

"I don't care if it would have given me the innate ability to suddenly be a violin virtuoso, Bones, I'd still pick you to be the one saving me." Jim regarded him up and down, then nodded to the edge of his bed, "Will you sit down, please? You're not breathing and I'm worried you'll fall over." 

Leonard snorted, and found himself near tears again even as he slowly sat, "You've known since the Academy?" 

Jim nodded once, "You're a terror in the kitchen, Bones. You should have way more cooking injuries than you do." Jim licked his chapped lips, taking a shaking breath that was the only indication he was nervous, "What does it do? I'm guessing that ageing is out of the question, and that you heal faster than I--faster than normal?" 

"I can take a bullet to the heart and the entrance wound will have healed over before there's an exit wound." Leonard told him, voice hollow with the memory of that very thing happening in the chaos and confusion of the war, "You could have called me down to that core and asked me to realign it, and my hair would have fallen out, but I'd be back to normal within a day, tops." 

"You've been like this since 2046," Jim murmured slowly, "so you've seen the World Wars and..." 

"Not the first two, of course." Leonard managed, finding that his thumb was unconsciously rubbing over the back of Jim's hand. "I've seen--I've done...a lot." 

"I'm guessing you've lost a lot, too." 

Leonard nodded slowly, and Jim's breath caught, "I was selfish, to do this to you." 

"You saved my damn life." Jim snapped, eyes suddenly blazing. "Fuck 'selfish'." 

"You'll hate me in a few years..." Leonard assured him. 

"You haven't just been running...you've lived lives." Jim diagnosed, eyes wide. "Who else?" 

"Detective John Kennex was my next alias. Judge Joseph Dredd, after that. Once the Judges weren't needed, I went off the grid...until I became Leonard." 

" _That_ is not an easy thing to do." Jim noted, "I'm going to have to do it in a few years, though, aren't I?" 

Leonard nodded, and he felt utterly grey in telling the brightest thing in the 'verse that soon he couldn't be where he wanted most desperately to be. 

Jim squeezed his hand, "Can I take you with me?" Jim whispered, his eyes bright, "When it's time...can we go together?" 

Leonard wasn't sure there could be a Time for Jim--or for himself, at this point. Not really. They were both far too recognizable, now. "I don' know, darlin'." 

"But if we can--" 

"Then we will, if you want to." Leonard allowed quietly, "I know people who can help us...who've helped me before." 

Jim's brow wrinkled, and he looked down at their hands, "I've been in love with you for years." He told Leonard on a whisper that sounded as if it'd been dragged over razors. Leonard's stomach swooped, years of quietly but steadfastly falling into Jim Kirk's gravitational pull having built up in his chest like pressure in a bottle, and all that he would allow himself as it burst was a mirthless, helpless laugh. 

"I wouldn't have...if I didn't love you, I wouldn't have doomed you to this. I couldn't be this selfish with anyone else." 

Jim groaned at the stiffness in his bones as he levered himself upright, planting a kiss to the corner of Leonard's mouth, resting his forehead against Leonard's cheek, "I know all about you, John Grimm. I'd like to know about John Kennex and Joseph Dredd, too, when you're ready to tell me." 

Leonard felt like he was choking on his feelings as he half-turned, wrapping Jim in the arm that Jim wasn't still clinging to the hand of. "I'm super-strong, and super-fast. I can heal myself inhumanly quickly and have enhanced enough senses to know when something goes amiss in healing someone else. I chose to be a healer because being a killer--even when the Law was on my side--was too much for me to stand after everything. I'm a soldier, I always have been, but I want to be more than that...I want to be a hero." 

"Pretty sure you _are_." Jim retorted. 

"Pretty sure I'm _not_." Leonard replied easily, "I killed one of my best friends...watched every person I've ever cared about but you die, and now I've doomed you to the same fate. Fuck, I had a _wife_...and I let her die in my arms after she got sick, never even telling her who or what I am." 

Jim tugged at his hand gently, "You stayed with her, faithful to the end, though, I'd bet." The steady observation choked Leonard for a minute. "And I'd also be willing to bet that whoever she was, you didn't offer this to her because you're a smart enough man to have known what she'd say." 

Valerie, who had loathed being a Chrome, would have shot him down for offering. And she may have forced him to leave if she'd known. "Her name was Valerie Stahl. Detective Valerie Stahl." 

Jim smiled, "Beautiful name." 

Leonard took a slow, deep breath, looking over the city from the window instead of facing that he was finally telling his tales, "Sam never did research Olduvai directly again. Just me. She helped me map the changes to the genome and what happened physically and mentally with them. She was the one that injected me." 

"What happened?" Jim asked quietly. "If you can...What happened up there?"

"C24, because it adds a 24th chromosome to your DNA, is a virus that reacts not only to your DNA, but to your psychological and physiological make-up. The virus reacted best as a virus to markers in the DNA sequence that would indicate psychosis; feeding off of hosts with certain chemical imbalances and mutating them into monsters. The theory Sam ascribed to was that the virus was engineered to save lives; likely dispersed to a select few, who didn't get taken over by the virus in the way that others ultimately did. It was meant to be a cure, not a cancer." 

"Like that fungus that turned ants into zombies in the rain forests." 

Leonard nodded slowly, "Most of my team...a lot of people had--have the chemical imbalances capable of making them...evil. It shouldn't've worked on me...I should've been lost, too, but Sam believed in me." 

"Smart woman." Jim murmured softly. "The serum could have reacted with me the same way?" Jim asked carefully, and Leonard nodded. "Would it show signs immediately or...?" 

"It'd have shown signs by now. You're safe." Jim relaxed slightly, and Leonard wondered if he ought to let go of Jim's hand and give him some time with his thoughts. 

"Thank you, Bones...for having faith in me like she did in you." Jim murmured. 

"You're a good man. Better than I was by miles. Someone as blindingly bright as you...it was a safe bet you're not overcompensating your goodness because of the temptation to do evil." 

Jim turned his head slightly, pressing a kiss to Leonard's shoulder and squeezing his hand, "So, when we have to disappear in a few years...what's your exit strategy?" 

Leonard chuckled, "Not sure. I was considering picking a planet and becoming as anonymous as possible until Starfleet either forgets Leonard McCoy, or falls by way of everything else. We can't get plastic surgery; it goes back to standard-issue within days. We can grow out hair, dye it, that kind of thing, but that only gets you so much these days. I honestly...I wasn't thinking when I saved you...about how fucking difficult this is gonna be for you to disappear, let alone for you to give up the 'Fleet." Jim pulled back slightly, reaching up his other hand to cup the back of Leonard's head. The easy way that Jim touched him settled something in Leonard; the physical intimacy of just sitting wrapped around each other familiar in ways that neither of them had let themselves admit for a long time. Jim had always been affectionate with him, but knowing Jim's feelings was enough put Leonard at ease about the urge to bundle Jim in his arms and keep him there, because now he knew that he probably wouldn't be rejected; at least, not because Jim didn't want him back. 

"The 'Fleet isn't exactly trustworthy for me right now. Don't get me wrong: I love it still. But I don't think it's going to be as hard to leave as you're expecting." 

"I think you're either still groggy from the reanimation or you're underestimating how much you love it." 

Jim shook his head, "Don't get me wrong, I'm gonna hate giving up space, but the 'Fleet itself isn't what's keeping me here. It's you and the crew doing that." 

"Your people." Leonard managed, wondering when Jim was going to realize that he'd have to leave them, too. 

Jim looked up at him, and something dark came over his features; something that had been there very few times since Leonard had known him, and had never been explained, "You're not the only one who's been through a massacre, Bones." Jim told him simply, and let Leonard's mind whirl out for what the fuck Jim could be talking about. "I was the closest thing to a parent those kids had after..." 

"Tarsus." The word is like a swear in his mouth, full of hatred and bile enough that his voice had dipped all the way into the rumbling growl that he'd sunk into when he'd become Dredd. "You were on Tarsus. One of the child prodigies, no doubt." 

"One of the oldest." Jim confirmed, voice choked, but his eyes were steady on Leonard. "Thirteen. Frank didn't want to have to deal with me any longer, and I had the test scores for it, so off I went." 

John Grimm wanted nothing more than to have been there himself; to have killed every gun-toting idiot there before they could've so much as looked at Jim Kirk. John Kennex wanted to have protected him from everything, even if it'd meant dragging himself through Hell then turning back with a smile to do it all over again. Joseph Dredd's fists ached to have put the son of a bitch that had started the killing down, because that would've been the only justice; and the people who would simply have locked him up were wrong to think otherwise. But Leonard McCoy just reached out and pulled Jim closer to him, pulling him fully into his arms and tucking Jim's head down into the crook of his neck, kissing the corner of his mouth and holding him like the precious thing he really was. Jim took a shaky breath, sighing and closing his eyes as Leonard just held him, ignoring the almost frenzied urge to start touching over Jim's body with his free hand, like he was still going to find the wounds. Finally cutting off the stream of breathed curses falling from Leonard's mouth, Jim kissed him full on the lips, his hand curling in Leonard's shirt. 

"I survived." Jim whispered, consoling him, "I'm here." 

"I've got you." Leonard replied. 

Jim quirked a smile, "Yeah, you do." 

It made Grimm feel better, just a little, to have Jim safely in his arms, kissing him slowly. Kennex girded himself up to be ready to be a shield for the man in his arms for the rest of his goddamned life. Dredd was pacified with the knowledge that the bastard had died in a fire, though the urge to rain justice down on the heads on anyone that had hurt James T. Kirk was by no means extinguished. And Bones...Bones knew that with every touch he ever pressed to Jim's very breakable body, he would make it heal before he would ever allow it to hurt. 

"My point was that I've had to let people go before, Bones. I'll do everything I have to do, and you will not hear a complaint from me. The only thing that would've held me back is if it were you I had to leave. I'm far too dependent on you; you're one of the only people I trust." Jim took a slow breath, "I've never talked about it with anyone, because I never trusted them not to...Not to change the way they are around me." Jim told him, voice husky. Jim was leaning against him more than he needed to, but Leonard was perfectly fine with that. "Could I talk to you?"

"Darlin', you can talk to me about anything you want, always." Leonard soothed, running his hand over Jim's shoulders, "Just please tell me you didn't subject yourself to the fucking lectures." 

Jim's breath stuttered on a silent laugh, "You'll love this." Jim whispered, "Pike never actually came clean and told me, but the week of those lectures for our 'Fleet history classes, he had me testing out theoretical flight manoeuvres in the new shuttles." 

Leonard couldn't help himself but laugh at that, shaking his head even as he threaded a hand through Jim's hair. 

"Only reason I figured out what was happening was because you got so angry about how it was handled." Jim murmured, tucking his face against Leonard's neck, breathing deeply, "I've read what...They say that he used Eugenics to pick who'd live and who'd die. I don't think that was it, though...He culled four thousand people out of the population...the ones who wouldn't kill the others, the ones who fought him, they were the ones that were taken out first, whether they were--" Jim choked, and Leonard held him tighter, his very soul aching because he'd been alive long enough that it was a strategy that he was all too familiar with; that he could see the logic behind. "Whether they were ‘superior’ or not." Jim finally managed, and Leonard felt Jim’s hand fist in the back of his uniform hard enough that at any other time, he'd be worried that the fabric would simply give out under the strength that Jim hadn't yet learned. "The oldest kid there sided with Kodos. But I knew that it was a matter of time before we were mouths that he didn't want to feed, and that the only way we'd be able to make a go at surviving was to run during the confusion of the massacre...so I got the others together, and I got them to run." Jim's breathing was shaking minutely, and Leonard was torn between breaking him from this trance or finally knowing Jim's nightmares, "He-The oldest kid there...he died. Kodos killed him. They wouldn't tell me outright that Kodos had decided that not all of the prodigies had been marked to survive. Just kept saying that I'd done the right thing in running, and I tried to believe them--but it was always there, y'know? Did I cause all of us more pain by running, or did I really save us--who of us would've been safe to stay?" 

"You saved them all, whether they were safe to stay or not." The words were harsh, standing all too stark against the projected perfection of Starfleet because they were from a man who'd seen perfection fall flat many, many times before. Even though Leonard's voice was calculated to be steady and soft in breaking this trance, the words themselves spoke rough-hewn volumes. Leonard pulled back slightly to look at this infuriatingly strong man, but Jim wouldn't meet his eye fully, "Jim, look at me." He ordered, power in every syllable, "You saved them." 

It wasn't going to be enough; it never had been, not in all the years people had pressed those words into his own fool head in the hopes they'd stick, but as he hooked a hand around the back of Jim's neck to drag him forward again and kiss his forehead, he hoped that Jim was going to prove to be better at that than he ever had been. Jim went willingly into Leonard's arms, letting himself be wrapped up tight and breathing Leonard in as he made himself relax, one hand bunched in the fabric of Leonard's sleeve as he curled infinitesimally tighter into the embrace. Leonard wasn't Jim's doctor while he was here, technically; that responsibility rested with several men and women who presided over this hospital. Each and every one of them had in turn deferred to him as he'd been there to visit, though; he was the doctor to cheat death, and so the life he'd saved was in his hands alone in a way that they could instinctually feel, and were smart enough not to challenge. For this, Leonard pulled back, kissing Jim's cheek, stealing one from his lips as he stood, reaching for the controls on the biobed, and turning most of the sensors off, his own codes going through because those doctors trusted him with Jim's life more than any one of them could explain. Laying a hand on Jim's shoulder to push him gently back against the bed, he cocked a brow when he fully regarded Jim, pale and bleary with fatigue and yet somehow still brighter than he should be able to stand to look at. 

"Scoot over." Leonard ordered, and Jim beamed, shifting immediately, "Oh, now you take orders." 

"I take orders when it suits me, and you know it." Jim laughed, pulling back the blankets expectantly. "I'm too well-suited to giving them. Speaking of: Get in here, doc." 

Leonard laughed despite himself, kicking off his shoes and climbing in beside Jim, wrapping his arm around Jim's shoulders and tucking him against Leonard's chest, where he settled as if he was made to fit there, ear against Leonard's heart and hand finding Leonard's to wrap their fingers together. Leonard pressed a kiss to Jim's honey-blond hair, holding him tightly and settling himself in the warmth of the body he was wrapped around. Jim's usual scent of mint and citrus was overridden by the oppressive scents of a medical centre, but as much as Leonard hated that, the solid weight of Jim's body against his was enough, for the time being. 

"I starved myself until I barely recognized what hunger was...and I fought. I stole. I was too late for...for everyone else, but it wasn't too late for us." Leonard had heard grim-faced accounts of survival, but one coming from the man he adored; one coming from someone who had only been a kid by anyone's standards, that was too much to bear with any kind of blankness that being Dredd for all of those decades had afforded him. Leonard let himself get pulled under on the rising tide of pain and disgust that was the only response to something like Tarsus. 

"I should've known...the descriptions of what those kids did to get through it--it's exactly what you'd do." 

Jim's eyes were closed as he held onto Leonard, the strength newly granted him not even bruising the much older immortal, though it was something that they would have to retrain Jim’s mind to remember and take stock of. “If you could've re-aligned the core and be fine after a day, why do I feel like I've been rolled down a hill after two weeks of coma?" 

"Because you were dead for a lot longer than I was, and C24 takes time to work through your body. For me, I was just bleeding out; for you, every single goddamned cell in your body was irradiated heavily." Jim hummed, rubbing his cheek on Leonard's shoulder affectionately. 

"You died?" 

"Sam couldn't find a pulse after I'd passed out from the blood loss. Can't say for sure that I was fully brain dead, too, but Sam was convinced enough to try to make her way to the elevator on her own." Jim's hand in his twisted until he could press his fingertips to Leonard's pulse. Leonard released his hold for a moment and curled a finger under Jim's chin, tilting his head up and pressing a kiss to his lips before wrapping their fingers together again. Jim made a small sound of protest, moving to take a deeper kiss. Jim had kissed him before; but never quite like he did now, slow and coaxing in a way that had Leonard's every nerve ending alight. "Should we talk about this?" 

The dazed question was met with raised brows and a confused look, "How do I take my coffee, Bones?" 

"Three cream, two sugar, and you like iced coffee more than hot." Leonard remembered Valerie asking him that, knowing that it meant more than coffee. 

Jocelyn hadn't bothered to learn, though he'd known her order, and with the way things had ended, maybe it was actually indicative of something. "You like it just this side of having gone cold, black with one sugar." Jim told him. "And you never seem to be able to finish a cup before it gets to the point when you need a coffee warmer." 

Leonard swallowed, rides with Dorian flashing through his head. "...So?"

"So I know you, and you know me--better than anyone else ever has. Do you really think I'd be willing to risk losing you if I didn't think we'd work?"

Jim settled against him again, and Leonard had to concede his point, raising a hand to tug lightly through Jim's hair in a way that he knew Jim found comforting. "You got that much faith in us, kid?" 

"I'd be a damned fool not to."

Chuckling, Leonard McCoy let himself hope for the first time in centuries.


	2. I Talk Too Much (Honey, Come Put Your Lips on My Lips)

"You _knew_ Rudy Lom?" Jim demanded, sounding a little star-struck. 

Rudy would have just up and expired from joy at the thought that he'd be remembered so many centuries later, but Leonard had always privately been of the opinion that it was well-deserved; the man had, after all, created just about all the technology that they'd salvaged after the Eugenics wars; let alone the fact that he'd been their stepping stone to warp theory and a lot of what they had now. "We were friends. He built me that block on listening devices and made me a very high-tech mask that allowed me to look like I was ageing when Val and I got married, though that got lost somewhere along the way." 

Jim and he were sitting in Leonard's apartment; the one that no one alive knew he owned, which he personally had seen to the protection of over the years. 

It wasn't the sleek, stylized perfection of the apartments provided them by the 'Fleet, but Jim had taken one look at the monstrosity in which he'd been stuck and all but begged Leonard to go somewhere else--anywhere else, even if they couldn't talk about C24 as they'd planned. The part of the building they were in had been a building unto itself, before the mega-structures hit and it had been built into the warehouse it had been kept to keep watch over. Leonard couldn't be sure because the records had been destroyed when the city was burning in 2067, but the rooms were likely actually older than him; managing to survive all he had, and probably more. The warehouse itself had been demolished, and an apartment complex had been erected instead, after the megacities fell; they were made to be retro, taking cues from this building at the heart of it. Leonard had bought the entire city block while he had been closing up his alias of Dredd, leaving the property to a faceless 'cousin' of the alias he'd put on the deed. 

Now they were sitting in an open-style space that Leonard had filled with plants; exposed brick painted white so that the light from the high windows caught and glowed around them as much as possible, and Leonard didn't have to feel like he was always truly in the dark. Jim sat with his back against the arm of the decades-old couch that Leonard still swore by, his feet bare and crossed at the ankle, knees pulled up to his chest as he cradled a steaming cup of tea in his hands, breathing it in more than he was drinking it. Jim was wearing the soft, worn clothes that Leonard kept in this apartment, and he looked healthier, but he also looked overwhelmed. 

"Darlin'--" 

"The accent." This had happened every time Leonard was about to ask Jim if he was okay; switching for question to question almost numbly. 

"Easier to keep than to get rid of, for how long I've been sinking into it. Do you want me to--"

"No. No, please--I like...I like the drawl." There was a light shining in Jim's eyes that spoke of just how much Jim liked it. "How did you...?" 

"Spend long enough in a place, and your brain rewrites the way you speak. I started picking it up, and got used to it, so I didn't fight it." 

Jim nodded distractedly, still staring at Leonard where he sat on the other end of the couch. Leonard had shown him just how quickly he could heal, and the act of witnessing it was apparently a much more blatant slap to the face than hearing Leonard describe it, because Jim had been restlessly staring at him since. 

"Do you need some time?" Leonard finally managed to get out the question, eyeing Jim carefully. He couldn't help wishing he could reach out and touch him, but figured it would be a bad idea with the shocky expression he was wearing. 

"No." Jim answered immediately, sounding startled, "Hell no. I just...You _stabbed yourself_ in the hand, and I have a long-held, one-sided love affair going on with those hands, Bones, I can't even tell you, so my brain is just trying to process the information that you heal that fast along with the information that you're..." 

"Still your Bones?" Leonard offered when Jim acquired a pinch between his brows. He offered a small smirk, "Well, if it makes you feel any better, your love affair with my hands? Not one-sided." 

Jim set the tea cup on the low coffee table only a little unsteadily, rolling up to kneel on the cushion between them and reaching for Leonard's hand. He traced his fingers over the skin that Leonard had put a knife through, studying the skin for any difference. 

"The only thing to show for having healed is that that skin was slightly warmer for a few minutes after the wound's closed." Leonard told him steadily, watching his face for any kind of reaction. "Your fingers are hot from the tea, and it's been a couple minutes, so there'd only be a slight difference to the temperature, even though you probably can't feel it right now." 

Jim's breath caught, and he ducked his head, pressing one kiss to the freshly-healed skin at the centre of Leonard's palm, and a second to the base of his thumb, the tremble as he exhaled against Leonard's wrist was all the warning Jim gave before he straightened up, leaning over to ease Leonard into a slow kiss. Leonard hesitated to pull Jim into him, only letting himself touch when Jim guided his hands to rest on Jim's slim waist without breaking the kiss. As Jim shifted slightly, bringing his legs up in order to straddle Leonard, Leonard rushed to support his weight, holding onto him easily, and Jim made a soft sound of appreciation that went straight to Leonard's dick, sending the doctor shuddering as he gasped for breath against Jim's mouth before letting himself be pulled back under. Wrapping an arm around Jim once he was settled, Leonard spread his hand over the small of Jim's back, letting out a groan as he slid so that Jim was laying over him more thoroughly. Stealing smaller kisses from Leonard's lips, Jim smiled to himself, rubbing a thumb over the stubble darkening Leonard's jaw, "This is a really good couch." 

Leonard laughed, startled by that observation, "It's done well by me." 

Leonard could almost _feel_ Jim get distracted again, and didn't in the least blame the kid for it. "Are you...have you been accumulating wealth for centuries?" 

"Planning on only liking me for my money?" Leonard laughed at the look of sheer scandalized horror that Jim's features dropped to, and Jim immediately contorted his features into a pout, "I haven't been collecting wealth in the traditional sense." Leonard teased, "I think you'll like this, though." Leonard gently urged Jim off of him, then standing, leading him through an archway made out of shelves and into another room. Jim stopped dead, his mouth fallen open and his eyes wide at the library that stood before him; filled with paper books and things that Leonard had picked up and managed to keep over the years. "It's not the full collection...there are a few bolt-holes still out there that I haven't emptied yet--but I managed to hold onto this place for long enough, by hook or by crook, that when the bombings stopped and things went quiet enough, I started making this truly home." 

Jim stumbled into the middle of the room and spun slowly with his mouth agape, "Are those--" 

"Glass sculptures from Chihuly." Leonard confirmed, unable to hide how proud he was that he'd managed to keep those intact pieces of art after all the chaos and destruction had settled. Art that he'd managed to smuggle away from museums that had been laid to waste hung on his walls; things that were nothing more than images in the history books were there, because he'd squirrelled them away. The first time he'd done it, during the third world war, he'd given the art back when the dust had settled--and then had had to scramble to save things once more as the Eugenics wars hit.

Jim didn't appear to be breathing, making slow circle after slow circle to take in the room, the stunned expression on his face only speaking of the beauty Leonard had managed to keep safe. "Bones...This is incredible." 

Ducking his head, Leonard shrugged slightly, "When you've been around for as long as I have, Jim, you learn to recognize the things that are worth keeping safe." 

Leonard took his hand as he said it, but the look on Jim's face told him loud and clear that Jim could read between the lines well enough anyway. Jim stumbled towards him, throwing his arms around Leonard's shoulders and kissing him full and deep while Leonard could only hold on. Letting himself bask in the sheer joy and wonder coming off of Jim Kirk, Leonard wrapped his arms around Jim's waist, hugging him tightly. 

"I salvaged what I could when I could; I wasn't able to save any of the true classics, those were long gone by the time the wars had progressed enough to have their caretakers either mad or dead trying to protect the art. For a while there, I helped evacuate more of the people clinging to their culture than I did any salvaging or fighting myself. That piece there got me shot three times; once by the artist's wife, then the other two trying to get them both to safety." Leonard chuckled, pointing out the piece, and Jim trailed towards it, looking stunned. 

"It's beautiful." 

"It was made for me; never photographed, and never reproduced." Leonard admitted, "I could get them out of the path of the war, but even once they were clear, there was no stopping the act of creation...absolutely goddamned crazy." 

Jim laughed, shaking his head at the assessment, "This is incredible, Bones." Jim reached for his hand again even while continued to slowly twist and turn, taking the room in.

"There's somethin' I was thinking of givin' you for your birthday, but I think giving it to you a little early won't hurt." Leading Jim over to an overstuffed chair, Leonard reached over the back to grasp the familiar, worn wood, bringing it up easily and laying it out on offer to Jim. "I don' know if you've ever thought about playin', but..." 

The guitar was old, but well-cared for; the scent of the wood polish still faintly there; the dotting of constellations painted on the blue-stained wood interspersed with faint representations of their solar system. If Leonard turned it over, the back would display the blazing sun. "It's beautiful," Jim whispered, reaching for it as if Leonard was going to take it away. "Bones..." 

"You have the hands for it. And it's something that you can learn _for you_ ; not for your command, or for anything or anyone else. Get your head workin' on something besides worryin' about all of us." 

Jim took the guitar, hands reverent as he passed them over the well-cared for wood for only a moment before he set it against the chair, pulling Leonard in instead. Standing in the middle of his library, Leonard let himself be wrapped up in Jim Kirk's arms; let himself give over to the slow, easy glide of their mouths together. Jim let out a tiny, helpless moan as Leonard ducked his head down and put his mouth over Jim's pulse, sucking just hard enough to leave a shadow of a bruise and nuzzling the spot once he was finished. 

"We ought to get you eatin' something, sweetheart." Leonard murmured, pulling away enough to meet lust-blown blue eyes, "Healing like we do...it takes a lot of energy, and you've been healin' everything." Leonard pressed a firm kiss to Jim's forehead, then leant their foreheads together, toying with the hair at the nape of Jim's neck because he was unwilling to let go. "What would you like?" 

Jim swallowed, shrugging slightly, "What's here?" 

Smiling to himself that he'd had the foresight to replenish his supplies of fresh ingredients instead of forcing himself to stay in the 'Fleet-assigned apartment they'd saddled him with, Leonard led the way towards the kitchen, pulling down supplies. Jim watched him with a fond expression as he got everything that he'd need out and ready, the familiarity of the kitchen comforting. Being up in the black, Leonard never got the chance to cook, and despite the fact that he had a replicator in the corner of the counter, while he had the chance, using fresh ingredients to make an actual meal was miles preferable to anything that he could coax to come out of that thing. 

"Where did you learn to cook?" Jim asked as he took up a peeler and the small gathering of carrots and parsnips waiting for attention while Leonard chopped celery, yellow onion, and pearl onions, dropping a bit of olive oil into the stock pot to warm so that he could soften the celery and sweat the onions. 

"In one of the refugee camps." Leonard couldn't help a small smile as he remembered, "I was helping to evacuate New York during the first waves of World War III. Back then, New York was still a mecca of North American culture, so it was a huge target. The city was built on top of a series of subway tunnels, to the point where there was a city beneath the city. We set up down there; it was structurally sound, with the bombs they were first using--the ones that left the buildings standing, but vaporized any other living thing." Jim's breathing stuttered, his eyes far away with the thought that Leonard had _lived_ those horrors that he'd been sick to simply read about in the history classes. "One of the refugees was a gourmet chef, but he'd been close enough to one of the blast zones that it'd knocked him blind. He didn't have the time or patience to relearn everything he'd ever known about cooking, but it wasn't long before he was completely fed up with simply making due, and he finally brow-beat me into being his eyes and learning how to cook." 

"Someone was actually stubborn enough to brow beat _you_?!" 

Leonard tossed a bit of chopped celery at him, which Jim caught in his mouth and crunched on smugly. "Being a crochety git was one of the first things I learned from him." 

Jim shook his head, watching as Leonard deftly moved through the dance of preparing his chicken soup; warm and filling enough to heal everything. "Do you remember the first time you made this for me?" 

Leonard chuckled, scraping the celery and onion into the onto the warm oil and giving it a stir before he put the lid on to trap the moisture in. "I was seriously worried you were going to die on me, you were so sick." 

"I was sick a lot as a kid." Jim told him shyly, and Leonard's cooking rhythm ground to a halt, his gaze coming up, frown in place and brow furrowed, "That badly sick." Jim confirmed, "Frank didn't care, of course, and my mother was off-world..." 

Leonard sucked in a slow, deep breath, squeezing his eyes shut for a count of ten before he set his knife down, "Please, for the love of god, tell me that someone in that fucking town took care of you." It didn't take much racking of his brain before he remembered the name of someone he hoped had had the sense to help; a waitress at the Riverside diner that Kirk had sworn up and down had the innate ability to kick his ass while simultaneously cheering him up, "Bettany Miller? Was she--" 

"She moved to town when I was fourteen." Jim told him, his ears colouring, "I'm shocked that you remembered me telling you about her. I thought you were still drunk." 

Leonard looked a little sheepish about that, and Jim tilted his head in a way that spoke of 'fessing up, or there would be consequences. "It's...we heal too quickly to get really drunk." 

Jim's arms crossed over his chest, brows shooting up, and Leonard had the sense to seriously consider retreating. "So that time that you had me carry you back to the dorms...?" 

"I was actually the closest to drunk I've been since 2046, but once you'd picked me up, I was more than a little intrigued to see if you could carry me all the way there...I was also more than a little turned on that you could even lift me, to be honest." With a devilish little smile, Leonard crossed over to where Jim stood and swept him up in an embrace, pressing a kiss to his temple and holding him tight enough that Jim should have been able to guess that Leonard was not relinquishing his desperate hope that someone else at some point in this brilliant man's life had recognized the awe of someone so bright living in a world that was so dark. "But getting back to the story at hand; Bettany was only there after Tarsus...After Frank left, when you were alone?" 

"She took care of me after that." Jim agreed, voice going strained as he laid his head against Leonard's shoulder, one arm slid around Leonard's waist to grip at the back of his shirt. 

"For that much, I'm more thankful to her than I can rightly say...I just wish you had someone takin' care of you before that, too. Maybe then you wouldn't be such a pain in the ass when you're sick." Laughing as Jim pinched his side in retaliation, Leonard didn't let go, breathing in the scent of Jim's hair even though he smelled of the hospital-issued soap, not yet himself. "You know, the first time I made this, I heard you trying to talk yourself through just standing in the shower. I was more worried than I can say, just because of that." 

"I noticed. Threw me through a loop that you were so concerned. You'd been taking care of me in your way since the shuttle, sure, but when I got sick, you were a man possessed." 

"To be fair, the human body is not meant to jump to that high of a temperature ever, let alone in the amount of time you managed to do it in." Leonard sighed at Jim's snort of laughter, shaking his head. "I'm pretty sure the only reason I didn't start looking as old and grey as I should be the _second_ we met is because you didn't give me enough time to actually stop and think about what you were getting me into." The low growl of his voice brought a grin to Jim's face, and he shrugged, putting on a mask of innocence that had never worked and would never work. 

"C'mon, Bones. You had fun." 

"Could've had more fun if I wasn't actively terrified that you were gonna get yourself killed and I'd be outted as an immortal while trynna save you." 

Jim looked as if that hadn't crossed his mind before, but now that it had, he was disappointed in himself. Leonard resisted the urge to comfort him, going back to his cooking instead. "Tell me about Sam?" Jim requested out of the blue as Leonard stirred the celery and onion to make sure they heated and softened evenly, looking a little sheepish as he did so. 

"What'd you like to know, kid?" Jim shrugged a little, looking a little lost, and Leonard sighed softly, trying to gather thoughts that he usually avoided like the plague. "Sam, as you know, was my twin sister. After...After it all went down, she helped me go into a kind of...scientific Purgatory for about a year so that we could run all the testing we could think of, before she managed to talk me back out of it and into becoming Kennex. I found myself a good partner on the force; a community, and then promptly got my leg blown off and my partner killed." Leonard cleared his throat, dragging himself away from the memory, "Sam and I weren't sure if or how I was gonna heal that, so she helped me vanish back into Purgatory for a few months; had people lay false tracks that I was in a coma all that time. The leg did grow back, but it took ten years to do it, so I managed to keep the Kennex alias until the war really started, and by then it didn't matter anyway." Leonard swallowed thickly and pulled himself away from that tangent, "Sam was already sick when we were on Olduvai. She knew, but she wouldn't tell me. Knew I'd want to stay with her 'til the end, so she only told me when she knew she didn't have long left, so I wouldn't be dropping a life I'd just started for very long. Finally told me when she realized she wasn't gonna be able to talk me into going back to the force until I was sure that the leg wouldn't grow back too quickly for me to disappear when it did." Leonard summoned up his strength, and let the niggling thoughts he'd been fighting off for years come to him fully, "She was...ridiculously stubborn. Worse than me, even. She was only older by minutes, but she knew best and she was not shy about making that plain." Jim was snickering at the image of it, and Leonard flicked a look over him, unable to help his own twitching smile, "She would've laughed her ass off if she could've seen you talking me into pulling half the shit we've pulled." 

"Was she a troublemaker?" 

"Hell no, but she lived for seeing me being brought down a peg or three, and getting me to do a keg stand would definitely count in her books." 

Jim laughed happily at the memory, "Which was how I got you the closest to being drunk you've been for centuries, right?" 

Leonard laughed, "Yeah, probably. Could also have had something to do with whatever the hell that pickle concoction was."

Jim laughed, shaking his head. "You were so grossed out until we actually got it into you, then it was all you'd drink." 

"You'll see; in a couple hundred years, when you've been depressingly unable to get so much as a buzz, I will find something that is utterly disgusting on a visceral level but will give you a buzz, and you will have missed being tipsy so much you'll be unable to stop." 

"I think what I'll miss is...well, I guess the _illusion_ of getting tipsy with you. We'd go out and..."

"Darlin', I don't think we need to get tipsy to spend time together like that. Not anymore, anyway." Jim outright beamed at the implications in the tone of Leonard's voice, reaching over the island to where Leonard had abandoned the knife he'd been using and going about chopping up the parsnips and carrots. Leonard took a small breath, the words pushing at him as he watched Jim work, "'Sides...it wasn't that I wanted to feel tipsy...I've been drinkin' to try to see if my metabolism is slowing down--It had been years since I looked at my damn blood last, and it hadn't slowed down any; hadn't decayed. Still hasn't." 

The pain in Leonard's voice was something he hated; wanted to fight against, if only to keep Jim from the looming dread of what his eternity would be like, but Jim didn't look like he was scared, or angry. He just looked at Leonard as if he wanted to wrap him up in his arms to protect him from that bitter hope. "You were hoping you'd feel it 'cause it'd mean you were human again." Leonard nodded, letting his internal displeasure show. Jim clucked his tongue, shaking his head at him, "Is that a possibility?" 

"I don't know...Sam found skeletons of a younger age range, but there hadn’t been many found before it all fell apart. With the way things went, I’d be shocked if there were that many identifiable fragments left to find from the rock and dust of that damn planet.”

Jim shuddered slightly, drawing in a slow breath, “You're not alone anymore, Bones; and I won't be alone so long as you're around...so stick around." 

Leonard snorted, shaking his head, "'Course I'm sticking around, Jim. But remember this conversation when it's been thirty years and you're sick of me, yeah?" 

Jim shook his head, "In all the years you've been telling me I'll get sick of you, have you ever seen it actually happen?" Jim posited, one eyebrow going up and a smirk on his lips, "I mean, you have been warning me off since we stumbled out of the damn shuttle, Bones. Told me I'd be sick of you in a week--what's that, now? Five years ago?" 

"Yeah, well, had I known you're a stubborn little shit of epic proportions, I would have had all the information necessary for the calculation of how long it'd take." 

"Uh-huh, sure. You're loveable, Bones, just embrace that inherent fact." 

Leonard was laughing as he took the chopped veggies to be added to the pot, shaking his head fondly as the chicken stock was poured in and the lid closed over everything before he'd start shredding the chicken into the mix. He heard a slight hiss of pain, and whirled, taking in that Jim was running his thumb over the knife still in his hand, looking curious but pained about the result. Blood barely welled before the cut had sealed itself once more, and Jim looked up at him, a little paler now. "It all does still hurt, though I've basically trained myself not to react to the smaller hurts if I can help it--getting a cut while slicing lemons has nearly given me away once or twice." Jim gave him a tiny forehead wrinkle of confusion despite the levity he'd leavened into his words, and Leonard sighed, "How would you go about reacting to a cut that's not there, particularly when there are other people present?" 

Picking up a cloth, Leonard crossed over to Jim's side and wiped away the drop of blood that had managed to well before the wound had closed over, keeping Jim's hand once he had, trying to think of a way to phrase his request that wouldn't scare or worry the man in front of him. "Bones?" 

"Don't let pain be the thing that lets you know you're actually still here." Leonard finally managed, thinking back to the injuries as Dredd that he could have avoided, but hadn't bothered to. 

Jim's hand twisted in his grip until he was clutching Leonard's back, worry in his bright eyes, "Did you?" 

Leonard shrugged a shoulder, but shook his head, "Not really. I know damn well I'm still really here. Pain was a reality of my life for a long time, but I never really chased it, just landed myself in it. Like I said, I was a soldier: Puttin' myself in high-risk situations was easy to do when I knew I could always come crawling back out." 

"If you're that immortal, how did you put down the monsters from Olduvai?" Jim asked softly, eyes not meeting Leonard's even if he was still holding onto Leonard's hand. 

"Grievous wounds take time. That time I got shot in the heart, it was a relatively small calibre bullet and I was well-fed and well-rested, so I could heal faster than the bullet could injure. Head shots from one of the RRTS-specialized semis, however, were not so easily shaken off." Leonard debated with himself for a moment before leading Jim's fingers to the place on his waist that he'd been hit with another Judge's armour-piercing round when he and Cassandra had first gone on duty together. "I was shot there with a large-calibre armour piercer while I was a Judge, and had to put stitches in. It was already healing up, and I would've been fine without them after a few minutes, but I had to keep moving in order to save those people, and I didn't want to do it light-headed and leaking." 

Jim's eyes flashed with something Leonard didn't want to identify as he looked up, his jaw set, "Told you you're a hero." The smile threatening in his eyes was allowed to spread slowly, and Leonard barked a laugh, shaking his head. Jim released his hand, pulling him in for a tight hug. That Jim had gotten even more affectionate with him after his death was not surprising overall, but that it had just been him, and that Jim now shied away from letting anyone else get close to him was a little concerning. Leonard made a mental note to keep watch, because Jim flinching away from letting Nyota hold his hand, and drawing into himself when Galia had pecked a kiss to his forehead could be nothing, or it could be indicative of a coming storm. "Definitely my hero." 

Leonard felt himself go red, and Jim grinned, leaning up to kiss him slowly. Leonard fought himself and lost, pressing one long hand to the small of Jim's back before simply lifting, sliding Jim onto the counter and crowding between his legs, one hand bunching in the old fabric and hitching it up. Jim looped a leg around his hips, fingers tangling in his hair and tugging softly as he sucked on Leonard's tongue. "Do that again." Jim let out a desperate moan at the growled order as they panted for breath, his hand sliding from Leonard's hair down to his t-shirt and sweeping it off Leonard entirely, tossing it aside before his hands fell to Leonard's ass as if he needed to be pulling Leonard back into their kiss. Leonard ran a thumb over the cut of Jim's jaw, then traced down his throat with feather-light touches. Jim let out a growl of his own when Leonard stopped kissing him for long enough to strip off the old shirt, tossing it with his and skimming his legendary hands over Jim's skin. Jim took the opportunity to actually look at Leonard half-naked, which he'd done before, of course, but never with the truth knocking around his head or Leonard's hands on his skin. 

Jim's fingers were hesitant as they pressed to a line of scar tissue cutting down Leonard's left pectoral, the confusion written on his face as his eyes caught on another scar further down, disappearing into the waistband of Leonard's jeans, "How...?" 

"Those happened before C24. The tissues were already technically healed." Jim's brows shot up at that information, "You didn't notice? Your old scars are still there, too." 

"I hadn't really...thought about it." Jim admitted a little shyly, and Leonard smiled at that, coaxing Jim in for a slower kiss and hoping that Jim could hear what Leonard was pouring into the easy slide of their mouths; that he was proud of Jim for being blind to his own scars, and that he was so fucking happy that Jim was there with him still. 

Leonard knew where Jim's scars were; had bitten down for years on the simultaneous urges to hunt down the people that had put them there and to figure out a way to have been there to heal Jim properly. Jim shuddered into him as he skimmed his fingertips over the scars he had mapped in his head, and Jim bit down on his lower lip, then licked the sting away. 

"Do you have _any idea_ about the things I've dreamt about regarding your lower lip? You make me crazy." Jim laughed as he panted, teasing his fingertips in a slow drag down the centre of Leonard's spine. 

" _I_ make _you_ crazy, darlin'? Have you looked at you lately? You get that concentration furrow between your brows and it's all I can do to remember that I shouldn't be kissing it away." 

"Your goddamned _frown_." Jim practically snarled as Leonard licked and bit a line of marks that were there and gone down the column of Jim's neck. 

Jim's nails scratched against the nape of Leonard's neck, his thighs squeezing around Leonard's hips as Leonard hooked a hand under each knee to drag him forward, plastering them together before he slid one hand under Jim's ass and lifted, the other arm banding around his back. Jim made a sound dangerously close to a squeak as Leonard moved blindly through the apartment, assurance in every step as he kissed and licked at Jim's mouth. 

"W-Wait...the--hng! The food!" Jim managed as Leonard swept through another archway and laid Jim on the bed. Despite his words, he'd managed to tangle his fingers in the belt loops of Leonard's jeans, and the tug that his landing had caused had brought the waist dangerously low on Leonard's hipbones, the structure of them standing stark and tempting. 

"You're right..." Leonard sighed, and Jim was saved from pouting only because Leonard bent over him, sweeping him into a firm, sweet kiss; leaving him dizzy as he straightened, one hand tracing over Jim's jaw, "stay here, darlin', I'll be right back." 

The image of Jim, flushed and swollen with their kisses, reclined back on his bed was enough to make Leonard seriously consider forgetting about the food in order to debauch him further, but Leonard remembered what it had been like to heal massive trauma, and he had no intention of subjecting Jim to the discomfort of the hunger that he hadn’t been in the position to assuage so many times when he’d needed to. Leonard made quick work of the roasted chicken, shredding it by hand and dropping bite-sized chunks into the cookpot. He set the temperature to low, covering the pot again before reconsidering it and turning the heat even lower, returning to the bedroom to find Jim laid back on his pillows, a sleepy grin on his face and his bright eyes half-lidded with sleep. 

“Gods above, kid,” Leonard husked, shaking his head with a grin of his own at the pretty picture of Jim laid out, sleepy and rumpled, over his sheets. 

“Get in here with me?” Jim requested muzzily. 

Knowing that he wasn’t about to fall asleep though that was decidedly all that Jim was up for, Leonard shirked his jeans before crawling into bed to wrap around Jim, chuckling at the blush staining Jim’s cheeks as he took Leonard in. Jim slid under his arm once he'd reclined against the headboard, cuddling up against his chest happily and slinging one leg over Leonard’s. Petting through Jim’s hair, Leonard let the warmth of Jim’s body settle him, knowing that Jim was alive against his side; would remain that way for a very long time so long as they were careful. 

"I still have so many questions..." 

"Yeah, well, it's not like either of us are gonna be goin' anywhere, Jim. You can sleep now and interrogate later." Even Leonard could hear the fond curl of his words, and Jim nuzzled in further, one hand splayed over his heart and his head fitting into the cradle of Leonard's shoulder like those curves of bone were made to fit with one another. Leonard covered Jim's hand on his chest, rolling his head to press a kiss to his hair and consciously regulating his breathing into a steady, even rhythm. 

"You always do that..." Jim sighed, turning his head to press a kiss to Leonard's chest, "even when we were room-mates and I was on the other side of the room, you'd regulate your breathing like that to get me to fall asleep." 

"You don't sleep enough, kid, and the nightmares you have? Those are just as bad as mine, I'd bet. If I can trick you into gettin' just a little more sleep, I'm gonna press my luck until the trick stops working then find another way to do it." 

Jim settled further against him, eyes still closed as he slurred, "You've been through so much..." 

"We both have been, darlin'." Leonard soothed, "Let me keep you safe."


	3. The Only Thing That's Ever Stopping Me Is Me

It wasn't the first ethics hearing that Leonard had been dragged in front of for his methods regarding Jim Kirk. 

Smuggling him onto the Narada had brought about a backlash that had only been stemmed when Christopher Pike had finally gotten word from Philip Boyce about what was going down. The moment he'd heard, Pike had made heads roll, and the problem went away--with Pike involved, problems usually evaporated from around Jim like goodwill toward men in an old shopping mall at Christmas. Now, though, there was no Christopher Pike to interfere, and Leonard hadn't simply smuggled a cadet who was grounded into space; he'd brought a man back from the dead, and was refusing to reveal how just as ardently as he refused to do it again. 

"With all due respect, sir," a voice cut in over the drone of the Admiral in charge of the whole thing, and Leonard twisted in his seat to see Philip Boyce himself standing there, Jim at his side with an expression darker than any Georgian summer storm, "Doctor McCoy witnessed first-hand the appropriation and misuse of the trans-warp theory created by his colleague, Montgomery Scott. The serum is an unknown quantity; until we can understand the far-flung repercussions, would you truly recommend that we trust a Starfleet that awoke a murderous madman?" 

The quiet, steady admonishment falling from Boyce's mouth sent a wave of gratitude for Jim dragging the poor man down there to do it. 

"Are you implying, Doctor Boyce--" 

"That I don't trust Starfleet?" Boyce finished with a voice dripping with false levity. "Now, Admiral, whyever wouldn't I trust Starfleet?" 

The assembled brass shifted in their seats, and Leonard had been a soldier for long enough and more to know that they were about to back down, at least for the day, and that was a day Leonard would take gladly because it meant spending time with Jim. 

He was still weak; good to stand and walk and move around for short periods of time, but still exhausted on a level that he didn't feel too dramatic about mentally qualifying as "molecular". He was dismissed, the brass looking a little greyer than they had when they walked in, which was saying something. Standing, Leonard reached out to grasp Boyce's hand, nodding respectfully. "Sir." 

Boyce eyed him up and down, snorting and shaking his head, "You barely called me that when I was your boss, Len: for the love of god, man, don't start now." 

Jim seemed to be trying and failing to suppress a giggle, and Leonard shook his head at the older-looking doctor, "I wanted to express my--" 

"Pike went out in the saddle. From one doctor loving a command idiot to another? That's a thing they seem to prefer." Boyce's grim tone was belied by his dancing eyes, and Leonard felt a tug as if he was seeing a fate that could have been if he hadn't done what he had needed to do to bring Jim back. Boyce turned his attention to Jim, knocking his arm gently and raising his brows, "And as for you--a week you've been out of the hospital and you only call me to get pretty boy here out of trouble?" 

Jim looked immediately horrified, "No, I--"

"Jim's been asleep for most of the time he's been out, and eating me out of house and home when he's not sleeping." Leonard cut in. 

"Well, son, let's go get some food into you. I'm sure this is the longest you've been on your feet without being brow-beaten by this ray of sunshine into doing some physio." 

Jim snorted, "Right on all counts, Phil." 

"'Course I'm right." Boyce shook his head, eyeing Jim and Leonard in turn now as Leonard subtly grasped an arm around his waist and Jim infinitesimally swayed. "You two owe me...I'm taking you both to lunch now, then I want both your asses reporting for duty at my front door on Sunday morning--I have chores that I'd rather make you do." 

Leonard fought against his grin, nodding respectfully while Jim just shook his head in resignation to his fate, "Just, please, tell me you actually got a professional to fix the--you didn't, did you?" 

"I don't need a professional; you do just fine." Boyce replied magnanimously, and Jim groaned like a teenager, leaning a little further into Leonard's side before they began to move to the elevator. 

"I get the feeling I don't want to know. Particularly considering you once tried to talk me into plugging in one of those damned vintage coffee makers and the explosion singed both my eyebrows." Leonard grumped, taking more of Jim's weight from him instead of waiting for the fool to give in and lean on him further. 

" _You_ were the reason that not one but _both_ of the Eyebrows of Doom were almost gone for a year?!" Jim asked excitedly, and Leonard growled to himself. "You don't understand, Phil! Those were his greatest weapon against me, and now every time he tries to use their power, I just picture them being tiny baby Doomlets." 

Boyce shot Leonard a look, "My deepest apologies, Leonard, I had no idea what I was costing you."

"Phenomenal, cosmic power is what you cost me. I had the ability to slow down Jim Kirk." 

"Judging by the way he's looking at you, there are several obvious workarounds to this problem. I found the forehead-kiss-hypo-hug worked well with Chris." 

"Are you kidding, I tried that once and he actually pulled a toddler move and went completely boneless so that it was like I was dealing with a fully grown man made out of overcooked noodles." 

Boyce looked at Jim with abject horror painted on his features, and Jim just smiled, "Yeah, Chris taught me that move. You're just colluding now. Chris and I were colluding before Bones was even technically my doc." 

"Jesus, Pike should never have gotten into cahoots with you; he's the one that helped me drag your ass to medical when your appendix burst! I had an ally!" Leonard groaned. 

"To be fair, Jim fainted during an argument Chris had started, so Chris would have dragged him anywhere if it meant patching him up so that _he could never scare us like that again_." Boyce scolded.

With the laughter and the banter passing between them, a sudden feeling of home; of family hit Leonard like a lightning bolt. Boyce had been his mentor in much the same way that Pike had been Jim's; his boss for clinic hours during their Academy days, and a man to share the finer bourbon with, because Jim had been a bit of a lightweight when it came to the finer things in life.The parallels were, of course, painful to think about; he wouldn't blame Boyce if he was looking at them and thinking of his and Pike's early days together. But Leonard felt hurt for him, if only because Pike hadn't been the only parental figure in Jim Kirk's life, and Boyce had made damn sure of that. Hell, if Leonard was still capable of wishing he’d had a father figure after being one of the orphans of Olduvai, he may have felt less of a friendship with the man, as well; but time and temperament had washed that away before he'd even been injected with C24. 

Leonard knew that Jim hadn't really mourned Pike; hadn't gotten the chance to, before they left, and hadn't taken the chance to now that they were back, but he held out the hope that spending time with Boyce may allow the threatening storm to start its opening rumbles. Leonard was used to cataclysms, but he was dreading the pain Jim was going through coming to a head. 

John Grimm had been a soldier of the highest order; John Kennex had been a cop with instincts second to none; and Joseph Dredd had been the most unstoppable Judge to have served the Hall of Justice. He'd been trained, honed as a weapon, and those instincts never faded. So when the three of them stepped out of the glass monstrosity that the Admirals had summoned him into, and the familiar shiver of danger ran over him, and he trusted his instincts enough to grab both Jim and Boyce and physically move them as the pavilion broke out in a hail of phaser fire that appeared to have been aimed specifically at them. 

Taking cover, Leonard turned to Jim, "Get everyone out." 

"What the hell do you think you're--" Boyce's protests cut off as Leonard turned and made a break for another piece of cover, drawing the fire as he moved, and hoping that Jim would just do as he was told and get Boyce and the panicking Starfleet personnel to safety. 

Leonard had been hit with phaser fire before, of course; it hurt like a motherfucker, but it wasn't the worst thing he'd had to grit his teeth and suffer through. Now, though, he couldn't afford to actually take a direct hit, because Boyce was nothing if not a clever son of a bitch, and Leonard wasn't going to be able to get away with faking the injury. Burns were slower to heal than cuts, but not slow enough when he'd been taking care of himself too much to slow it down any further. 

His head was calculating angles for the shots, based on how they'd shifted as he'd run to the secondary cover, and he set himself in motion as the answer came, the mantra that played in his head with any fight a familiar rhythm as he dodged shots as if knowing where they were going to be placed, then launched himself over the shooter's cover, snatching the phaser rifle right out of his hand as he did it. _First, do no harm. First, do no harm. First, do no harm._

The knife that the guy pulled was impressively nasty-looking, and Leonard ducked under the first swipe of the blade, crushing the phaser rifle in his hand so that it wasn't about to get fired again before he threw it away. The knife passed close to his ear, and Leonard scolded himself that if he was going to get injured during this fight, it'd have to be through loss of limb, because any blood on his formal greys was going to be too much blood when there wasn't a wound to show for it. Because Leonard had fallen into Jim's orbit from day one, he hadn't shied away from the command-track courses necessary to become a CMO; he'd known that he'd need them when the time came and for as much as he hated flying, he knew that letting Jim go off into space without him would somehow be worse. As such, Leonard had been plunked in a hand-to-hand combat course, and had spent the entire semester being very fucking careful not to let anyone see that he was more than proficient at taking someone eight times his size down if he had to. Leonard grasped the wrist of the knife-wielding hand, snapping the bones with a carefully placed pressure, and catching the knife only to flick it into the wall behind them, where it embedded itself, vibrating slightly, and Leonard took a milisecond to remind himself of his restraint before falling to one knee, twisting the broken wrist as he did so, and then shouldering the man off his feet and out into the open. 

Security had arrived, and phasers immediately focused on the hulking figure in black body armour that Leonard had just thrown from his perch. 

In the heat of the moment and the shade of the sniper's nest, Leonard hadn't taken in the details of what he was dealing with. Now, stumbling slightly as Jim darted to his side, Leonard knew he needed to sit down before he fell down. "Bones?" 

Jim's hands on him were the only point of normality Leonard had for a long minute as he watched Starfleet Security take the man into custody. 

"Talk to me, Bones." Jim murmured into his ear, bearing him up remarkably well considering Jim had to be exhausted. Then again, adrenaline had been what had gotten John Grimm through carrying his sister to safety, so he knew well what they could do when something went down. "Breathe with me." 

That was enough to snap Leonard out of it, if only enough to turn his attention to Jim. "I--" 

"Semper fi, motherfucker!" The baritone yell of the man being led away in cuffs reached Leonard, and for a moment, Leonard wasn't Bones--he was Reaper.


	4. And I'll Keep Wishing on a Bright Star (I've Made It This Far)

Leonard didn't know what Sarge was telling Starfleet officials questioning him. He wasn't not sure he should stick around to find out, either. 

His go-bag was ready, and while he'd have to figure out some way of faking the death of Leonard Horatio McCoy, he did have the necessary paperwork to disappear already waiting for him; all he needed was to pick a place to go. 

The door to the apartment opened, and Jim wasn't alone, he could hear that much, though it wasn't until Boyce yelled that Leonard knew who it was Jim had brought with him, "Kid, get your ass out here!" 

Boyce had forced Jim into a seat, and the pallour on his cheeks was too reminiscent of the coma for Leonard to react in any other way but to go to Jim's side, reaching for his wrist to feel the heartbeat he knew he'd find. 

"He's been declared insane." Jim muttered hazily, "They aren't looking for you, Bones." 

"I would appreciate it if you'd explain to me why I just had to declare a man insane, though, Len." Boyce requested, sounding old and tired in a way that had guilt curling itself around Leonard in a familiar embrace. 

"You..." Leonard didn't fully ask, and Jim's brow crumpled as he reached over to pinch Leonard in the side. 

"Like I'd spill the beans now. I have kept your secret _even from you_ for years." 

Boyce cleared his throat pointedly, and Leonard turned slightly from Jim to face him, "How about I tell you what I know, and you fill in the blanks? Khan was created during the Eugenics wars by a serum synthesized from blood taken from an unknown man in a coma who'd been found in Olduvai three years after UAC had scrapped the project. The man had been genetically mapped as human, but he was mutated. The team sent up there to clean up what remained of the mess brought him back down and turned him over to UAC doctors, who proceeded to experiment on what was left of him--" 

"How much? I--He should've been fucking _atomized_." 

"It's to my understanding that most of him was, but the records were damaged." Boyce confirmed, "Now tell me how you knew that, kid." 

Leonard looked at Jim, the words a jumble in his head, clogging his throat, and Jim simply looked at him, his impossible eyes reading Leonard like a damned book, "Leonard has the same mutation to his genome, but it doesn't present in the same way." Jim told him, mincing around the full truth and taking Leonard's hand as he did it, urging him to speech. 

"I was on the Rapid Response Tactical Squad that was sent to Olduvai when things started to go wrong." Leonard felt the words come out, but couldn't believe that they were coming out quite that easily, "Sarge was my CO. I threw the grenade that should have killed him." 

Boyce sat heavily, stunned. "From what records there were, the hypothesis was that so long as the brain and the heart were functional if not intact, the serum allowed the subject to heal from any other trauma."

Jim squeezed Leonard's hand briefly, the other falling to Leonard's shoulder. "Still with us, Phil?" Boyce nodded shakily, still staring at Leonard. "You both need a drink." Jim decided, heading for the liquor cabinet and pouring a generous measure into both glasses. It didn't have a real affect on Leonard, but the initial physical reaction was the same; the slow burn of the alcohol something to distract from the shock of seeing Sarge. "Bones, did you get hurt during the fight?" 

"No," Leonard's voice sounded like gravel, his brain stalled out on shock and the lingering grief. "I don't know how I managed that, though." Jim sat closer than he had before getting them drinks, the weight and warmth of his hand on Leonard's back a comfort. "It's not like we were evenly matched when we were both human, and the only reason I won in the ARK was because he was too hellbent on killing me to come up with a damn plan other than 'punch until dead'." 

Jim's hand shuddered, curling into a fist before he forced himself to relax again, "It took you ten years to heal after your leg..." 

"If we don't take care of ourselves during or after healing, the healing slows down. I don't know what those doctors would've done to him, but it's not impossible that he's taken this long to heal." 

"The serum you concocted for Jim..." Boyce spoke up, then trailed off, unable to touch the words. 

"Was made from my blood, not Khan's." Leonard confirmed, and Boyce flinched slightly, nodding. "The mutation is danger--" 

"I did my dissertation on Eugenics, Leonard. I _know_ what the risk is to genetric modification like this. Why the hell are you two still here, where you run the risk of getting caught?" 

"I think that's my doing." Jim replied, and Boyce tore his gaze from Leonard to Jim at last. 

"You two are needed up in the black, I know, but if either of you were discovered--" 

"How hard is that insanity diagnosis gonna stick?" Leonard asked. 

"Do we want it to? If it sticks, we have to put him in an institution, and they're going to notice that there's something off." Jim spoke up, looking between them. 

"Only way to safely hide is if he's dead." Leonard growled, and Jim flinched in response. 

Boyce nodded once, face grim, "I can't help but agree with you, Len, as much as I don't want to." 

Jim swallowed, his breath stuttering slightly, and Leonard couldn't help but wonder if it was fear or comfort keeping Jim's hand on his shoulder. "So what do we do?" 

Boyce looked like he'd been sentenced to death himself, taking a slow, deep breath. "You two don't do anything." Boyce replied, and Leonard shook his head immediately. "Leonard, you're...Christ, you're older than me, I know, but I've always considered you like a son, even if you never did. If there was anything that Christopher Pike taught me, it was to protect my family in every way I could. Let me protect you now. Let me do everything I can to help you keep this life for as long as you can." 

"Phil...I appreciate the--" 

"How would you plan to pull it off, Boyce?" 

"It's safer if you don't know, you know that." Boyce told Jim sternly.

"Phil, I'm a soldier, a killer; I already have blood on my hands that you don't--" 

"Like you haven't been trying to wash that blood off with every innocent life you've saved since. Pull the other one, kid." 

"Stop." Jim ordered, his hand finally falling away from Leonard's shoulderblade, and Leonard knew that the reality of a man who'd done all the things he'd done was now hitting the most heroic and _good_ man that he'd ever met. "You're a good man, Phil, but you can't risk this. I need you to help wrangle the Admiralty; I'm a starship captain, not a miracle worker, dammit man." Pausing only slightly for Leonard to choke on a laugh, Jim continued, eyes dancing, "Bones, you keep doing the two-step; get everything ready in case we have to leave. If we have to leave-- _do not interrupt me here, Bones_ \--if we have to leave, then we'll leave. I love going where no man has gone before, Bones, but you-- _we_ come first. I've got you this time, just trust me." 

Jim Kirk was not the man to kill someone in cold blood; he'd wanted _Khan_ , the man who'd cost him the closest thing to a father he'd ever had, to be properly tried for his crimes. But looking into Jim's steady, impossibly blue gaze, Leonard felt himself nodding without meaning to, his trust in Jim overriding his better judgement. 

Boyce clapped his hands together, leaning forward, "I'll do everything I can with the Admiralty, Jim. But you look like you're going to slip into a coma again in a minute, and no one here has the time or the patience to deal with that." 

Jim gave him a shit-eating little smirk, "Bones has the patience of a saint so long as he's been properly caffeinated." 

Leonard stood up, moving to the kitchen immediately, throwing over his shoulder, "Jim, there is not enough coffee in the 'verse to give me the illusion of being patient when you're in a coma." 

"Would this...would this have saved Chris?" Boyce asked, voice tight. 

Jim regarded Leonard's mentor, sitting forward slightly to rest his forearms against his knees as he ordered his thoughts and spoke to them when Leonard found himself unable to force his voice to work, "It may have, if it'd been readily available--actually, maybe not even then, maybe if I'd had it on hand during the attack. But, depending on his brain chemistry, it may have mutated him. Even though Khan wasn't as monstrous physically, I'd be willing to bet that it still acted like a virus mentally, until all that was left was a monster. Chris was one of the best men I've ever known, but we can't control the way our brains are built, only work with it to make ourselves better people." 

"I know...that if it'd been me in your shoes, Len, and I'd had a chance to save Chris like you saved Jim, I would have taken it, but if the risk of mutation is so great..."

"It shouldn't have worked on me, Phil." Leonard replied, "Before I was injected--hell, even after I was injected, I was not a good man. I was a soldier, and I followed orders--I killed a lot of people, Phil. I should not have come back as myself. My sister was the one who injected me. We'd barely been speaking to each other before everything on Olduvai went down, but once it had...once we were the only two left both sane and alive, and I was bleeding out faster than anyone would've been able to save me...she told me that she had faith in who I was. That I wouldn't turn into a monster. I didn't understand her faith until...until Jim was dead. I don't believe that Chris would have mutated, and I'm sorry that I--" 

"No." Boyce cut him off, voice steady. "No, don't apologize for keeping this to yourself. I've seen more than enough--both Chris and I had--to know that things like this have to safe-guarded at all costs." Boyce turned his attention to Jim, "Did you know...before...did you know that he--?"

"I put it together, but I wasn't certain. Then things started to build up while we were in the Academy. I'd always been intrigued by what happened in Olduvai. It...It was a safe mystery to have my interest in, something to pull perspective from to help me deal with Tarsus IV. Horror is in human nature, but it was a comfort to think that maybe Tarsus was more than human horror." 

Leonard's heart gave a painful squeeze in his chest as he whipped up pasta for the three of them. He caught sight of Boyce changing seats, and pulling Jim into a hug. Leonard knew that with both of them in mourning, it'd be for the best to have them stand by each other. Boyce and Pike had been part of the relief efforts that Starfleet had sent to Tarsus. Leonard hadn't actually heard any kind of confirmation about it, but he was fairly sure that at least Pike, if not both of them, had brought James T. Kirk out of that hell themselves. 

Handing Jim a glass of orange juice, Leonard grabbed up his and Boyce's glasses; refilling Boyce's and pouring himself an orange juice as well, shoot Boyce an apologetic look, "As much as I hate to make a man drink alone, you would technically be drinking alone anyway; Jim and I can't get much more than ten seconds of a pleasant buzz going without taking extraordinary measures." 

Boyce made a face at that news, but laughed, sitting back and sipping at his drink, "And the most extraordinary of these measures?" 

"A keg stand and pickle juice-laced whiskey." 

"Have you tried Romulan ale?" 

"Yes, and I immediately threw it up." Leonard sighed, sounding deeply disappointed in himself. 

"Hm. Is it a matter of a higher metabolization?" 

"As far as Sam and I could figure, it's because technically alcohol is a poison. Pain medication, alcohol--hell, even tobacco passes through my system without making any real impact." 

"Ugh." Boyce groaned, looking at both of them pityingly. "The hell did you get yourself into, Kirk?" 

Jim laughed, and as Leonard dished up their meal, for the first time in so long that he was having trouble remembering the last time, he felt at home and at peace. 

Jim was wolfing down his food, and Leonard was fairly confident that he remembered that gnaw of hunger well enough to have made enough, but he wasn't completely sure. Boyce, however, seemed to be preoccupied in observing both of them. He waited until Jim had gone through fourth-helpings and was actually looking rosier than he had been for years before bringing himself to ask, "I assume that...with the way your tissues heal, your skills in the OR have been largely...self-inflicted?" 

Jim froze, gaze snapping back to Leonard as he considered how to word this when it hadn't yet dawned on Jim just how many times he'd been shot and had had to race to dig out the bullet. "You're right." 

"You...how...?" Jim asked, looking horrified. 

"I still have the ricochet that killed me somewhere in my gut, it wasn't a through-and-through and by the time I was in a position to have Sam try to remove it, it'd moved from where she thought it'd entered." Leonard admitted, and Jim's horror ratcheted higher, "If the shrapnel doesn't go too deep, eventually it'll all-but work itself out of my body, but if not, then I have use scalpels and a surgical spreader." 

Jim was calculating now, going pale at what the math was telling him. "You have to be damned quick to get a spreader in before the cut just closes again..." Jim murmured through numb lips. 

"You've been lucky you haven't gotten something somewhere you can't reach on your own." Boyce said sternly. 

Leonard snorted, "I've been careful, more." Leonard took a slow breath, still watching Jim out of the corner of his eye as he gathered his thoughts on how to relay his situation to a medical professional, "I can't get ill; nerve gases hurt like hell, but they don't leave lasting damage past a few hours; I've had several tattoos, the ink pushes out of my skin within a few years, depending on where I've gotten it; I can tan, but I can't burn; as much as healing requires sleep and food, taking one over the others works for longer periods of time than a normal human can survive it--" Jim shuddered visibly, and Leonard reached over and took his hand without tearing his eyes from Boyce, "Brain damage is tricky; I've been able to shake it off in minutes for some things, but others took me years. I was...blown up, partially, in 2048. Lost my leg, and my head got rattled hard enough that I lost memory of the incident. The leg grew back, obviously. The memories of the incident are...jumbled, but I assume they're all there now." 

"You can regrow body parts?" 

"If the loss is clean enough, they'll reattach, I just have to press them back into place and hold still for a while." 

"But you can't treat for pain, and you've...I'm sorry, son." Boyce mumbled, looking stricken. "I'm so sorry." 

Jim was vibrating slightly, both of his hands gripping one of Leonard's. "Are there...are there other bullets...other shrapnel?" 

"Maybe one or two. Some of the work I had to do was rushed, in the dark, in the middle of a warzone. It's nothing that hurts me anymore, though, Jim." Jim's grip on his hand tightened before he seemed to consciously force himself to relax. 

"I happen to know a guy who's not too bad with a scalpel and has access to medical equipment that'll tell us if and where there are more pieces of shrapnel." Boyce offered. 

Leonard took a breath, close to laughing as he started to shake his head, "Those machines take imprints of every body they scan and keep them on an internal drive--" 

"You'd need to wipe just that section of internal memory," Jim murmured with a shrug, "to quote our favourite Russian, I can do zat." 

Leonard did laugh at that, looking between them, "I'd...I'd really appreciate that." 

"Would nitrous work if we gave you a continuous dose through a mask?" Boyce asked after a minute. 

"I'm not sure...Sam and I couldn't lay hands on some things as easily as we could others when we were testing this thing out, and nitrous oxide was one of those things. I'd guess that it'd have to be a near-lethal dose in order to get it to actually numb the pain, though." 

"We'd have to maintain a lethal dose while making sure that you do have both brain and heart activity." Boyce turned his gaze to Jim, "You think you're up for being a candystriper?" 

"We can never tell Christine Chapel. She'll be jealous and try to kill me." 

Leonard snorted, "Chapel's in love with you--" 

"Oh, please, you are her favourite person in the world and if she knew I had anything to do with you cutting yourself open--let alone acting as a nurse during your cutting yourself open--she would try to murder me. Death by a thousand hypos." 

Leonard was shaking with laughter, "At least you won't actually die?" 

"That might actually be worse." Boyce winced in sympathy. "Particularly if she picked up on the Leonard McCoy school of hypo-administration." 

"She did." Jim sighed, curling in on himself slightly and shaking his head at the fate that wouldn't happen, because Chapel couldn't be told anyway. "I'm surprised we don't have more broken hypos, to be honest." 

"Oh, you do." Boyce replied with aplomb. "I counted eighteen broken hypos while you were in the coma and McCoy was working the ER. And that was just from two of the twenty shifts he worked during the fourteen days you were out." 

" _Twenty_ \--" Jim started, rounding on Leonard with anger in his baby blues. 

"I don't need as much sleep--" 

"You need to sleep eventually! Do you even _remember_ finals week first year, Bones?! I found you sleeping _standing up_ in the goddamned showers! You weren't even leaning on anything, you'd just fallen asleep!" 

"I...I don't remember that, no." Leonard admitted. 

Boyce burst out laughing, "Was that before or after the system mysteriously assigned you two as roommates?" 

"Before." Jim replied, "It was first semester of the first year." Then Jim flinched slightly, looking at Leonard, "Did you have something to do with the roommates assignment change, by the way?" 

"No." Leonard answered confusedly; he'd always been under the impression that it'd been Jim. 

"It was Chris." Boyce spoke up, "You kept breaking into one of our offices or Leonard's dorm to fall asleep until one of us caught you and tried to get you to sleep in your actual bed," Boyce wagged a scolding finger at Jim before turning it on Leonard, "and _you_ kept pulling eighteen-hour shifts and barely ate. Chris was honestly considering moving both of you into our place until I talked him down after that fight you two got into when Kirk had the reaction to Andorian lettuce." 

Leonard couldn't help but smile, remembering that fight. Jim had been covered in painful purple hives, half his face swollen, and his gums bleeding, but the second Leonard had stepped through the privacy screen with his chart, Jim had started trying to yell at him because he knew that Leonard had been there for too long, and knew that, unlike he'd hoped, Leonard's neglect to return to his dorm to kick Kirk out had not been due to Leonard getting laid. Of course, because of the swelling, most of the yelling was unintelligible--not that that had slowed Kirk down at all. When Kirk, still mostly-covered in hives and only just starting to lose the swelling, had marched up to Boyce and demanded that Boyce check how long Leonard had actually been on-shift, it'd sent Leonard's heart in a slow squeeze, because the kid cared for him more than anyone had in a very long time. Boyce had also cared, because when Boyce had pulled up the schedule and actually reviewed Leonard's shifts, he'd nearly torn Leonard a new one himself before glancing at Jim and just stepping back and letting Jim go at it. 

It'd been a week later that they were notified that there had been a system error and they were reassigned to a suite together. "At least you two kept each other mostly in line after that." Boyce said with a smile. 

"He had the harder end of the stick." Leonard acknowledged, sitting back and throwing one long arm over the back of Jim's chair as Jim started eyeing what food was left. "All I had to do was physically trap him for a good ten minutes and he was out like a light. It took you, what, two weeks before you figured out how to coerce me?" 

"No, I knew how to coerce you almost immediately, I'd just held out hope that your dumb ass wasn't going to make me do it that way." Jim growled, scowling as he gave in and shovelled more food onto his plate. 

"How the hell did you go about trapping him?"

"He'd physically lift me off my feet, pull me into a bed, and hold me there until I got too fed up trying to fight him." 

"And you two maintain that you haven't been dating since day one." Boyce sighed, shaking his head, and Leonard tried to stifle his grin. 

"I maintain that I had no idea Bones would be in any way interested." 

Leonard rolled his eyes hard enough that he ran the risk of knocking something loose, and Boyce just shook his head sadly, as if disappointed in Jim and the whole situation. 

"Best and brightest of Star Fleet, my ass." Leonard grumbled, and Jim snorted, shooting him a look of fond innocence. 

Boyce glanced between them, sitting back, "Thank you for lunch, Len. I'll comm you when I can hijack a scanner. Jim, will you need time to do whatever it is you're going to do to the damn thing?" 

"No, I've got all I need already prepared." Jim replied. 

"In that case, I'll leave you two to your afternoon. Take care of each other." 

Jim's mouth fell open slightly, pursing into an 'o' of confusion, and Leonard could imagine why; Boyce had to have further questions, but he was leaving them instead of posing them. Unlike Jim, though, Leonard knew that Boyce was intrigued, but that intrigue came second to protecting the secret, and the less Boyce knew, the better it would be for him when it came down to lying to save them both. Leonard saw the older doctor off, clapping him on the arm when they reached the door. "I am sorry, Phil. I wish I could've--" 

"You already gave me more time with him than I would've had, saving him after the Narada. You owe me nothing, kid." Boyce cut him off, voice tight. He glanced back towards the kitchen, where Jim was tidying, "I'm glad that you're not alone anymore. You two are the best things that could've happened for each other, I'd wager. And this fight you're rallying for? To help him live his dream and go back out there? You're the best man I've ever met, Len, for that alone. I'll help you in every way I can." 

Boyce grasped Leonard's hand in a firm shake before he left, and neither of them were willing to pull the other into a hug solely because of the tightness in the throat and the wetness in the eyes afflicting them both. 

Leonard turned back to Jim, who had stalled in his cleaning, and was staring at him openly, the look on his face such a mess of mixed emotions that Leonard had to let out a short laugh, striding forward only to catch himself before reaching for Jim, making sure he was welcome. 

Jim pulled him in, wrapping him in a tight hug, his hands smoothing down Leonard's back, over his sides, as if he was going to find an injury. 

"Sarge looked mostly human...more human than the others did." Leonard found himself saying through the numbness that was rapidly swirling around him. 

Jim shuddered slightly, pulling him in tighter. "I don't even want to think about what your nightmares look like." Jim admitted muffledly. 

"The monsters aren't the things I have nightmares about." Leonard admitted. "After Marcus...his whole spiel about another war coming? ...Lately my nightmares have been losing you in the middle of it, just like I lost Dorian and Val." 

"You haven't told me about Dorian." Jim murmured, "If you want to...I'd like to hear the story." 

"Dorian was a DRN android that I was special-recced to work with after the ambush that lost me my leg." Leonard started, and pulled slightly out of the hug, Jim's pout bringing a fond grin to his features, "Let's go sit down for this, darlin'." Jim's pout disappeared, but was replaced with a look so shy that it was as if he'd knocked the breath right out of Leonard's lungs, "What?" 

"Nope, it's noth--" 

"Jim." Leonard urged, voice husky and soft, and Jim pressed his lips together in a tight line, his gaze sweeping up and down Leonard's body. 

"Would...would you mind showing me where the ricochet hit?" Jim asked, ears turning red, "I know...I know that it's long-gone, you're long-healed, but..." 

Leonard reached over his head, hooking the back of his t-shirt and sweeping it off, tossing it away as easily as anything; as if the nervous tension in Jim was nothing. "Sam and I figured it was just about here, but I was wearin' too much gear for her to really find it and losin' too much blood for either of us to really care." Leonard took Jim's hand, leading it to a place low on his abdomen, and Jim's breath caught in his throat as he touched the smooth skin, the same look in his eyes as had been there when Leonard had told him about being shot during his first time out with Cassandra. "You okay?" 

Jim blinked, nodding slowly, "Yeah, just...I hate thinking about it." 

Leonard pulled Jim back in, kissing his forehead softly before tucking him under one arm and holding him. "I guess that's fair. I hate thinkin' about what happened to you, too." They moved over to the couch finally, Jim laying down against the back of the couch and pulling Leonard in to sandwich him in. 

"So, Dorian." Jim murmured after a long moment, fingers tracing over Leonard's upper arm, where he couldn't know that an RRTS tattoo had once resided.

"You've read about the DRNs?" Leonard checked softly. 

"Not much. Just that they were created by the same guy who made the XRNs." 

"DRNs were made to be as close to human as possible. As Dorian used to say, he was made to feel; other androids had no intuition, no soul. Dorian and his ilk...they were damn close to human. Too damn close to human. At first, they made good cops. They cared about the people they were sworn to protect in a way that no other androids could. But, as with humans, the toll that the job put on the DRNs drove them...well, it drove them mad. They were largely deactivated for being unstable, put into menial work or scrapped for parts--which is where the XRNs came into the picture, but that's another story." Jim shifted slightly, and Leonard smiled, knowing that the story would be dragged out of him sooner or later, "When the ambush happened, DRNs were already off the force, but it wasn't yet mandatory for all cops to have an android as a partner. My team and I were going after a gang called Insyndicate...yeah, that Insyndicate--keep in mind, this was a good five years before the war. What I didn't know when we were goin' after them, though, was that one of their ringleaders had gotten close to me...had planted bugs on me. Not enough to know everything, but enough to know when we were coming for them, to turn our raid into the ambush it became. 

"I got the call from my partner, Pelham, and made one of the MXs lead me in to try to save him after he'd been hit. His celiac artery had been blown apart...there was no way to save him, I know that now, but I was determined to try back then..."

"Just like you would now." Jim murmured, and Leonard huffed softly, but had to give him that. 

"Yeah, but now I might've actually been able to save him. The MX wouldn't cover us for me to try to get him out; had other people with better statistical chances of survival that it could protect. When I told it I wasn't leaving my partner, it left us there in the middle of a hail of bullets. I picked Pelham up, even though I did know enough back then to know that I really couldn't get him out if I had to ask him to try to walk, and we barely made it a few steps before the round hit the back of my thigh, and blew. He'd already died once I'd managed to come back to myself enough...and my leg was gone. In the smoke and the mess, I saw...I saw Anna, the Insyndicate operative who'd made me, throw a grenade, and the next thing I knew I was back at Sam's lab. After seventeen months, I went back to my life as Kennex, only because Sam threatened to haunt me if I didn't; and, because the rules had changed, I was assigned one of the MXs. Of course, once I'd given in to Sam's demands to go back to being Kennex, I also...bent the rules. Went to a black-market recollectionist to try to start remembering the parts of the ambush that I hadn't healed well enough to quite make out--Anna being the biggest piece of them. But, because you were only supposed to go to a recollectionist after twelve months had passed from the time of waking up from brain trauma, I wasn't able to do it above-board; they had to think that those seventeen months were spent in a coma. The MX assigned to me threatened to make a report detailing that I'd been going to a recollectionist...we were on the freeway, and, you know, I...threw it out of my car, into traffic." 

Jim sounded so entirely unimpressed that it was damn sure a tone he'd learned from Leonard, "You're lucky you didn't cause a pile-up." 

Leonard chuckled, but didn't disagree, "After that, a rec went through the system to get me assigned Dorian, which saved him from being shipped off to NASA for scrap metal...and he saved me, over and over again. I'd never admit it to him, but he was just about the perfect partner. We had a relationship based on ribbing the hell out of each other, and having each other's backs. Considering I'd just come out of two separate situations in which I'd cost the lives of two men who I'd considered my good friends, he was the best way to ease the feeling of being toxic." Leonard cut himself off, girding himself against what came next, "When the XRN threat only just started brewing, he posited the idea that their creator--his creator--had stolen the synthetic souls and taken them over the wall into the fallout grounds to start working on building the army that he eventually brought forth. We all summarily dismissed that idea...and, as you know, we all turned out to be very wrong." Leonard stopped, taking a breath that sounded shaky even to him, and Jim nuzzled in, resting his forehead against Leonard's neck and breathing deeply and evenly, just like Leonard was wont to do to calm him down. "When the first wave of XRNs hit the wall, people began looking for ways to shut them down...our own precinct had been attacked the first week I was back with a hive frequency jammer that had taken down the MXs. People began to demand that we find the XRN frequency and build jammers for them." 

"The DRNs were on the same frequency, though?" Jim asked after a moment. 

"Yes, but that's not what killed Dorian. Some idiot scientist somewhere got the bright idea to hack the frequency to try to regain control from the hive mind that had set the XRNs against us; try to use them against their maker. What none of those idiot scientists had realized was that they'd already thought of that...and built one for the MXs. Dorian and I were with Rudy when they came for him, because he was the biggest threat. He'd been building his own robotics for years; they expected him to have more tricks up his sleeve than he did--more protection than just Dorian and me. They threw a tech bomb into the building that would send out a charge enough to fry everything; from the electronics to a human heart. Dorian calculated what it would take to stop the charge because there was no way to disarm it...and he jumped on that grenade...for both of us." Leonard stopped there, and Jim came up, sliding higher and pulling Leonard into a tight hug. 

"I'm sorry." 

"Rudy took the bastard down with electronic _butterflies_." Leonard choked out, somewhere between a laugh and the grief. "I'd like to think I'm not much of one for laughin' at the suffering of others, but I did get a kick out of watching a grown-ass man get chased out of a window with a swarm of butterflies." 

Jim snorted, disbelieving, "No fucking way." 

"Rudy rigged 'em to have tiny explosives, just enough to blow off a limb or blow open a gaping hole in a person's transverse. He'd been building the damn things for years as a hobby." 

"Did he know that they could potentially blow people up when he was making them?" 

"Yes, but one thing you have to understand about Rudy; he was all about what things were meant to do, not what they could potentially do." 

Jim stroked a lock of hair off of Leonard's forehead before he kissed the spot on which it'd rested, trailing kisses down his temple and cheek until he could tease just a brush of lips against his mouth. "Are you okay?" 

"'M fine, darlin'. I'm not the one who's still healin'. Are you okay?" 

"Yeah. Tired, but I don't want to move anywhere and will strenuously protest if you try to make me." Leonard chuckled, burying his face in Jim's neck as Jim often did with him, and finding himself understanding, in a way, why Jim found comfort from it. 

"If we try to have a nap here, it's going to end poorly." Leonard told him despite the way he was settling into the embrace, "This couch, while amazing, is not built for two grown men to sleep on at the same time--particularly considering the amount of movement that takes place when we sleep." Just that morning, Leonard had woken to find that Jim and he were on the opposite sides of the bed than the ones they'd climbed into the night before, and considering neither of them had woken the other up, he was willing to assume that during the transition, neither of them had had any instances of being kneed, elbowed, or head-butted, but that kind of night-activity wasn't uncommon for them, and wasn't something he'd like to subject his couch to. 

"You know, I only move around that much when I'm sleeping with you."

"Yeah, 'cause when you sleep alone, the only way for me to tell you're alive is when you get deep enough asleep to start snoring." Jim shifted back and scowled playfully, and Leonard grinned at him only for a moment before he sobered, his gaze shifting from humour to consternation, "How have you been sleeping, though, Jim?" 

"I always sleep better beside you." Jim murmured, pecking a kiss to Leonard's lips as he pulled his fingers through the short hairs at the base of his skull. Licking his lips, Jim stroked his thumb over the soft skin in the hollow under Leonard's ear, down the line of his throat. Leonard nudged Jim's chin up gently, coaxing him into a slow, teasing kiss, a low moan slipping through as Jim licked over Leonard's lower lip and sucked gently. Skimming his hands over the curves and dips of muscle, Jim deepened the kiss, groaning as Leonard shifted, pulling him over until Jim was laying on top of him. Hands falling to Jim's waist, Leonard bent his legs up so that Jim's hips cradled between his thighs, stroking down Jim's back and groaning that Jim was still in his formal greys. Jim stole a string of slow kisses from his lips before he could finally trail the kisses off, leaning up to tug the uniform top off before a tearing sound interrupted their panting breaths, and Leonard immediately broke into laughter as Jim sat up fully, swearing a blue streak as he tugged the ripped fabric off. "How...How the fuck--" 

"Darlin'," Leonard murmured, leaning up under him until he could ease them into a soft kiss. "I happen to like that you end up in ripped shirts. And we're going to have to do some work on learning the limits of your new strength." Jim husked out a laugh as Leonard continued to tease him back down against him, giving in with a groan finally and pressing into the kiss. 

"Can we learn my limits using your clothes?" 

Leonard laughed, stroking his thumb over Jim's cheek, "Stop talking and kiss me, you infant." 

Jim groaned as if he was being put upon, rolling his eyes before the grin took over, and he fell back into kissing Leonard like a starving man would fall on a feast. Leonard stroked his thumb over Jim's nipple, chuckling as Jim jolted, biting down on Leonard's lip before he burst into what could only be described as giggles. 

"You okay, darlin'?" 

"Fine." Jim breathed, pulling Leonard back down to kiss him, but Leonard made a noise of protest, laying a hand in the centre of Jim's chest and pushing gently. "Bones, I'm fine." 

"Jim, talk to me." Leonard urged softly, "You don't have to be fine with me." 

"I just want you to keep kissing me, Bones." Jim begged, "Please, just keep kissing me." 

Leonard growled slightly, wrapping an arm around him securely and licking into his mouth, despite his better judgement. He'd coerce it out of Jim later, but he knew well what it was like to need to dive into something or someone so that the demons chasing you didn't feel quite so close to catching up. Leonard was willing to do whatever it took to convince Jim that those demons were no match for either of them; he was also willing to be a distraction when Jim needed it. 

Kissing a slow line down the arch of Leonard's neck, Jim shivered as Leonard's hands ran over his flanks, down to wrap around his waist. Leonard moaned as Jim continued to trail kisses downwards, fingers skimming lovingly over Leonard's tan skin, lips pressing softly to the scars and clusters of freckles scattered over his skin. "One of these days, I'm going to find all the constellations I can make out of your freckles." Jim teased. Leonard grinned at him, reaching down to cup Jim's cheek softly, urging him upwards until he could slot their mouths together again. “It figures that the man of my dreams has skin covered in stars.” 

Leonard’s breath caught as Jim’s tongue traced over the definition of his pectoral, shuddering at both the soft, husky words and the sensation. “Man of your dreams, huh?” 

“Literally, more often than not.” Jim admitted, smiling softly. 

“You know I’m gonna make you tell me ‘bout those, darlin'." 

Jim laughed, "Just so you can make my dreams come true?" 

"Mm-hm," Leonard hummed, wrapping a hand around Jim's thigh, massaging at the muscle there as Jim sipped tiny kisses from Leonard's lips. Jim was implacable, grinning into their kisses as Leonard slowly sat up, sliding his hand down to the small of Jim's back and offering a grin of his own at the shudder that rocked through Jim. Jim's arms wrapped around his shoulders, hands in his hair as they fought their smiles in order to keep kissing. 

"How am I hungry again?" Jim groaned suddenly, ducking his head down to hide his face against the specific spot on Leonard's neck that he seemed to love to nuzzling into. 

"Darlin', if _you're_ able to recognize that you're hungry, you've gotta let me go get somethin'. You've gotta keep your strength up." 

"Five more minutes." Jim whined, and Leonard laughed. 

"Come on, Jim." Squeezing at Jim's thigh, Leonard shifted him, and Jim groaned, sliding off Leonard's lap entirely rather than letting Leonard move him, pouting all the same. "What would you like?" 

"Wanna watch a holo and make out?" 

Leonard laughed, "Popcorn, licorice, and chocolate it is, then."


	5. Think of Me When You're Out There (All I Wanted Was You)

The image of Sarge in a cage was haunting him. Trying to drive it through his head that it was no longer Sarge wasn't helping, and as he watched a rainstorm rage outside the vaulted window, he ached both to stay where he was and to go back to the bed, and the sleep-warm body curled up in the middle of it. 

Jim was pretty as a picture, curled up with his head on his arms, the slopes and dips of his back mouthwatering. Leaving the bed had been surprisingly easy, though, considering how much he wanted to go back to it. He wasn't sure that it was a nightmare, this image of Sarge in a cage, but disturbing Jim's sleep if it was a nightmare was not something he was willing to risk. He shivered at the chill of the room, the hand not cupping a mug of tea curling into a fist as he shut his eyes against the image to try to banish it with images of Jim. It wasn't working well, he could admit that, but he wasn't about to give up. Before any time at all, he found himself making a mental list of the groceries he ought to get since Jim had nearly eaten all that Leonard had already laid-in--which was fantastic in a way that Leonard couldn't fully find words to explain to Jim. Jim had had issues with food since...well, Leonard supposed, since Tarsus, though Leonard hadn't known that that was the cause of all this trouble. Leonard kicked himself once again for not putting it together sooner, but for a great deal of his life, space travel at that distance couldn't be a reality, and so to have had that massacre happen, Leonard had thought of it as separate; as far-off. Being faced with the reality that it was very real and very present--had been for years, without him knowing it--Leonard's mind raced over itself on ways to help survivors, despite the fact that Jim had never asked him to help. 

The eating disorder was under control for the most part; Jim timed his eating habits with Leonard's, though in the Academy Leonard hadn't been eating much; too wired already and unable to eat or sleep with the swirling regret of having had Joanna when he couldn't know whether she would be changed by his genetics. Once it'd been brought to his attention that Jim needed help, and Jim had been employed to help him, he'd pulled up his proverbial bootstraps and just done what he needed to in order to stop drawing attention that could've gotten him caught. The biggest symptom of the eating disorder that Jim presented was actually over-eating when he did eat; eating every scrap he was given, whether he could manage it or not. Jim had found it best to cope with timing his meals to someone else's, and Leonard didn't want to dwell on whose meals he'd timed himself to before they fell in together, because that opened Leonard to the real possibility that Jim had been starving before they'd met on the shuttle, intellectually knowing he was safe and there was food to be had, but viscerally trapped in the thought that it wasn't his turn to eat until everyone else had eaten before him. 

Leonard didn't move at the sound of Jim stirring on the bed, though as Jim padded over to him, blanket wrapped around him and trailing on the ground, he did lean into the warmth of Jim wrapping it around him, too. Jim kept silent, sitting in such a way that he was able to hook one arm around Leonard's waist and rest his head on Leonard's shoulderblade for a pillow, his eyelashes tickling against Leonard's skin as his eyes fluttered closed again. 

"Nightmares?" Jim asked. 

"Don't think I fell asleep, darlin'." Leonard replied, voice husky. Jim hugged him tighter for a moment, his breath stuttering over Leonard's bare skin. "You have one?" 

"No, just...knew I was alone. Don't like the feeling." 

"Sorry." 

Jim shook his head without removing it from Leonard's shoulder, and Leonard chuckled, reaching down to lay his hand over Jim's where it rested in the dip of his waist. 

"You okay?" 

"Mm-hm. I just want to curl up with you." 

"Then--" 

"I don't need to be in a bed, Bones. I'm good here, and you look like you need the storm." 

Leonard held his tongue about needing the storm, glancing back out at the lashing rain for a long moment, though not enough to lose Jim to sleep again, "How d'you feel?" 

"Exhausted in a way I can't even put to words, and although I can understand why intellectually, the message is not getting through to me instinctively." 

"You'll even out soon." Leonard promised softly, "You're doin' well, even if it doesn't seem like it." 

"You made it sound so easy." Jim accused, voice coloured with the underlying mirth. 

"I'm not gonna lie; I've healed this much damage in a day, like I said, but I was carin' for myself fully running up to, during, and after healin' it. You're notoriously bad at that." Leonard ribbed gently, and Jim snorted softly, nudging his head further into Leonard's back as if he was head-butting. After the Narada, Jim had been in tatters, really, and patching him back together had been harder than it had been even to help Pike. Spock had done a fucking number on Jim's throat, and Jim hadn't let Leonard heal him before they'd gone over to the fucking enemy ship, and had more damage heaped onto him. Jim hadn't eaten since Leonard had managed to smuggle him aboard; hadn't slept until they were halfway back to Earth and Leonard had convinced Spock to take over the conn without Jim's input, the better to drag Jim down to Med Bay whether he wanted to go or not. Jim had not wanted to go, of course, and Leonard had threatened to make a note into Jim's records to permanently ground him. 

Leonard hadn't taken the time to fully take stock of all the damage that Jim had done to himself before ever climbing into the core when he was racing to make the serum, but he knew that it was at least as bad, if not worse. Jim let out a soft sigh, "You worried about how long it's taking?" 

"...Not really," Leonard admitted at last, willing to own up to concern Jim had to know was there, "if it takes too much longer, if things don't even out in the next week or so, then I'll be tearin' the 'verse apart trying to find something to help, even if I can't heal you entirely, but I'm not too worried just yet." 

Jim's head turned, his lips pressing a hard kiss to Leonard's shoulder, "As if you haven't already healed me." Jim murmured, "You've saved me, Bones. You don't have to--" 

Leonard let out a gusty breath, his eyes wet and his throat tight as he interrupted whatever fool-headed shit was about to come out of Jim's mouth, "Dammit, man, I'm an immortal, not a psychopath. I'm not about to give up on saving you. The image of you laid out in that body bag...Jim, I wished I could die. Even without knowin' that you love me too, I wanted to leave the world if you weren't in it. You have to know how much I need you to be here, Jim. You have to know that losing you would be worse than anything else I've had to drag myself through." Jim had shifted so that he was able to sit against Leonard's side, wrapping himself more completely around Leonard as he managed to pry the choked words out of his throat and into the open air, and Jim just held him tighter in response, reaching up to tangle a hand in Leonard's hair and urge him down so that he could rest their foreheads together. 

"Bones...Leonard, I fucking...I'm not gonna leave you. Even if something went wrong, even if I'm always going to be weaker than you are, I will not leave you. The 'Fleet couldn't tear me away, there is no force in the 'verse that'll get the job done thoroughly enough that I won't find a way to come crawling back to you." Leonard let out a laugh that was almost more of a sob, shaking his head, and Jim rubbed their noses together slightly, the grip in Leonard's hair turning into a gentle tug before he made himself relax again, petting through the dark strands softly, massaging down Leonard's neck, "Not to be a complete cliché, but you've been my guiding star since the second you handed me that flask." 

"Funny, since you're my home." Leonard murmured. "Come 'ere, darlin'." 

Jim groaned dramatically, tacking on a whine for good measure, and Leonard laughed happily as Jim wriggled until Leonard could wrap his arm around Jim's hips, pulling him over to sit in his lap with the two of them facing each other. "This is not in any way ridiculous." 

"You are plenty ridiculous on your own, darlin', so don't you worry 'bout that." Leonard wrapped his arms around Jim's waist, kissing him leisurely. "I need you to be okay." 

"I am, Bones. I will be. You take care of me, y'always have." Nuzzling for a moment, Jim let out a slow sigh before urging him into a much deeper kiss, hands gripping at Leonard's shoulders. Jim's legs hooked together behind his back as Leonard pulled himself out of the kiss to look at him, taking in his dark eyes and flushed cheeks, groaning eloquently as Jim bit his lower lip through a coquettish smile. "I've changed my mind--take me to bed, Bones. Please." 

"Hold on, darlin'." Leonard husked, grinning as he wrapped around Jim and simply stood, Jim's breath catching hard as Leonard smoothly managed to get upright with Jim clinging to him. 

"Okay, I see your point about finding it hot that I can carry you." Jim admitted. 

"I thought you might see it my way." 

Using one arm to keep Jim plastered against his front, Leonard used his other hand to steady them as he prowled into the bed. "Bones, you have no idea how hot you are right now." 

"Yeah?" 

"Fuck, yes." Jim groaned as Leonard laid him against the pillows and let himself be pulled down into a kiss. 

Jim gave a hard shudder as Leonard's hands skimmed over his thighs, and Leonard gave him a small, teasing kiss, but pulled away from any more, "Jim, darlin', the healin's not the thing that's got me worried." Jim gave a look of pinched confusion that Leonard felt himself melt for, reaching to brush his hands over Jim's cheeks, cupping his neck to steady him as Leonard leant up to press a careful kiss to Jim's forehead, "You're touch-sensitive, darlin', in a way I've never seen from you." Jim immediately avoided his gaze, and Leonard clucked his tongue, brushing his fingers over Jim's chin to draw his eyes up, reading the volumes in those baby blues, "You only let me touch you, and when I touch you somewhere you aren't expecting me to touch you--" 

"I...I feel safe with you. I...Everything is so good right now, Bones; I finally have you...it feels like none of it is real. If anyone else touches me, I’m gonna wake up—or the spell will be broken, and I’ll find myself alone again. Find out that I’m really dead. I’m waiting for the bottom to fall out of the world, because I don’t get to keep the good things.” Jim was avoiding his gaze again, and Leonard held still, waiting. "I know that I'm awake, and that it's real, Bones, but...historically speaking, I don't get to keep the good things, and you've been one of the best things in my life for years. I'm waiting for the other shoe to drop." 

"Hm," Leonard grunted, considering his plan of attack as he slid out of Jim's embrace to lay beside him, drawing up the sheet--the only blanket left on the bed since the duvet had been abandoned over by the window--from the bottom of the bed and pulling it over them, "how's this for the other shoe, Jim? You've been turned into something so close to an immortal that we may as well call it that; in a few years, you're gonna lose your ship and your crew and your whole life to have to start a new one. You've decided that a relationship with me is somethin' you want, to top it all off, and I'm a stubborn bastard--we both know that--so when you get sick of me, whether it's in a month or in a century, I'm gonna fight for you. I'm gonna fight to keep you. You may be stuck with this mess forever, so long as neither of us does anything terrifically stupid." 

Jim snorted, rolling his eyes, though they looked a little wet, "What're you gonna do about...about the sensitivity?" 

Leonard sighed, deliberately catching Jim's attention to the movement before he laid his hand over Jim's chest. Jim had always been starved for touch; for affection--Leonard knew that, though he hated facing that knowledge. He'd never before been the only person Jim would focus that need on, though he had been the one Jim had depended on in the Academy for affectionate touches, the ones with no expectation for anything beyond simple affection. "I'm gonna keep touchin' you, and you're gonna tell me if and when there is a problem. You gave Phil a hug, so I'm assuming you're okay to touch others, just not ready to have others touching you?" Jim thought about it, then nodded silently, "Then you an' I are gonna need to hang out with some'a the others, Jim. You're safe, and you get to be happy--God, if anyone gets to be happy now, it's you. So we're gonna work on it by seein' our friends and actually _talkin'_ about it when we need to. Deal?"

Jim nodded slowly, rolling onto his side facing Leonard, putting a cushion of space between them as he did. "You're not mad?" 

"Why would I be mad, darlin'? I might wish you'd talk to me 'bout these things, but, darlin', how could I be mad about this? I know you. Gettin' you to take help is like drivin' a feather through a block of marble by sheer force of will." Leonard hummed, asking silently for permission to touch Jim when he'd put deliberate space between them. Jim's hand shook slightly as he reached to wrap his hand around Leonard's, guiding it to his skin. 

"Good thing you're the most wilful man I've ever met." 

Leonard smirked at that, tracing his thumb over Jim's cheek, down to brush over his lips tenderly, his hazel eyes studying. "You hungry?" 

"Ugh, I do not want to interrupt yet another make-out session with you for my damn stomach, Bones." Jim groaned, dropping onto his back and simultaneously gravitating over so that they were skin-close again. "I know, I know, I have to eat, you're gonna feed me whether I want you to or not. Yes, I know, I'm a damned infant; you have to get better material, Bones." Jim grinned impishly from under his lashes and Leonard could only shake his head, amazed that Jim had just managed to have their entire conversation by himself with that level of accuracy. 

"You're a nightmare." 

"This is true." Jim replied with aplomb, sliding out of bed. Leonard launched himself upright to follow him, only to be quelled into a seat at the kitchen island with a look Jim shot over his shoulder as he padded into the kitchen. 

"If you're gonna cook, you might want to put a shirt on. And maybe pants." Leonard added, gaze drifting overtly to the boxer-briefs Jim was wearing, and Jim huffed at him as he fought and lost against his smile at the blush that rose under Jim's pale skin. 

"And restrict your view? Doesn't seem fair." 

"Just because you heal does not mean it doesn't irk me to no end when you get hurt." 

"I'll be careful, Bones." Jim promised, and Leonard rolled his eyes so hard he was briefly worried he'd cause himself enough catastrophic brain injury to actually die. 

"Great, now you're gonna somehow figure out a way to die." Leonard grumbled, and Jim grinned, completely devilish. "What the hell have I gotten myself into?" 

"Oh, so much trouble." 

Jim pulled out supplies for sandwiches, humming to himself as he moved around the kitchen, gathering what Leonard liked on his sandwiches as well as what he liked, flicking a questioning look up as he did, to Leonard's bemused nod. "Soda?" Leonard offered, moving to grab himself one of the bottled sweet teas that was nowhere near as good as the tea from Georgia, but was close enough. 

"Please." Jim agreed quietly, slicing their sandwiches neatly in half, adding pickles and chips to both their plates. Leonard wasn't actually all that hungry, but he also knew that Jim was almost as uncomfortable eating alone in front of someone--even Leonard--as he was uncomfortable with wasting the food he was given. Leonard got their drinks; his in a tall glass full of ice, Jim's straight from the old-old fashioned glass bottle. "I know--You don't have to tell me, of course...but I know that those concerns weren't what was keeping you up." 

Leonard nodded easily, and they moved together, Jim with the plates and Leonard with the drinks, to sit on the plush carpet on either side of the low coffee table, facing each other. "I keep picturing Sarge in a cage. Not...Not like anythin' we still have." Leonard admitted, voice going steadily rougher as he forced the words out but resisted telling Jim just what kind of cage he was referring to. 

"I'm sorry." Jim murmured, the sympathy in his voice actually a comfort. 

"What're you plainnin' to do with him, Jim?" 

"Are you sure you wanna know?" Jim asked, gaze steady as he fidgeted slightly. Leonard nodded once, and Jim nodded back, "I can connect him with Khan...I have the images of him from his days in RRTS. I plan on getting rid of him with the rest of them." 

"There's talk of Starfleet destroying--" Leonard began to ask, but Jim had a gleam in his eyes that was so coldly dangerous that he cut off with just that. The slow, deadly curl of Jim's lips made his every instinct to flee rear its ugly head. 

"No, but they will be destroyed whether the 'Fleet wants them gone or not." 

"How you gonna swing that, kid?" 

"The same way I've scrubbed John Grimm from every record that still exists...And John Kennex, and Joseph Dredd. Were those the only aliases that would have records?" 

"Should be, the others were throwaway names during the war and the relief efforts; those were the ones that I built lives for." Leonard told him, a little awed that Jim had somehow managed to do that. 

Jim flinched at that turn of phrase, though, and Leonard inclined his head, the question in his eyes, "That makes me feel like I've taken your lives from you." 

Leonard snorted, "You've saved my life, more like. I scrubbed as much as I could get my hands on, but I never hoped..." 

"When you and I go...I can't do anything to unleash the virus immediately, but after a few years...we can be erased and forgotten." 

Leonard shook his head, expression wry, "Jim, you'll never be forgotten, darlin'." 

"James T. Kirk won't, but he will get a new face that doesn't look like mine." 

"You're going to alter the records so that you won't be ID'd on sight as Jim Kirk. That's...that's damn genius, Jim." 

"It'll happen gradually, if everything works the way it should. Hair'll darken slowly in any 'Fleet-networked device, then skin, then eyes." 

"That'll have to happen after any Vulcan that's ever seen you is long gone, kid. Those eyes are not something anyone'd easily forget or mistake." 

"No, Bones. It'll be subtle: darkening one shade at a time over the course of years until they're grey. We might even manage to make it back Earth-side in, oh...two hundred years or so." Jim quirked a smile, and Leonard shook his head, not believing the levity for a moment, "I was looking at other planets, but...I don't--" 

"We've got time, kid." Leonard told him, "I know damn well that you've been colourin' the grey outta your head for a while now, and I can claim good Georgian genes for a few more years at least; we can appear to age, and give you time." 

Jim scowled, "How the hell do you know I've been colouring the grey out of my hair?" 

"Jim, darlin', you smell like citrus and mint--and, every so often when you'd get drunk enough for me to have to carry _you_ home or when you've wrapped me up in one of those monstrous hugs, you'd smell like dye." 

Scowling harder, Jim added a pout for good measure, "First of all, please never again tell me I've gotten too drunk to remember you carrying me home, because that was shockingly sexy and I don't like missing out on you being sexier than you already are. Secondly, those 'monstrous' hugs were for your own damn good, doc, and you know it." 

Leonard bit down on his smile, shrugging slightly in acquiescence that those hugs had been for his own good, because Jim had mainly wrapped him in those particular embraces when Leonard was working himself more than he should have been. "Exactly how many nights did you wake up in your bed with no memory of having actually gotten there, darlin'?" Leonard asked teasingly, and Jim actually threw one of his chips at Leonard, who caught it in his mouth and crunched on it with nothing short of the devil in his hazel eyes. 

"New rule: If you're going to be unbearably sexy while also taking care of me, you have to wake me so I can at least appreciate it to its full due." 

"You know, I just don't think I'll be that good at knowin' when I'm being--what was it? 'Unbearably sexy'?--while I'm takin' care of you." 

"Fuck it, you're pretty much always unbearably sexy and you're pretty much always taking care of me." Jim sighed, shaking his head at himself. "I'll never get any sleep." 

"An' when'd you start findin' me that sexy, exactly?" 

"First time I saw you smile." Jim answered with the ease of someone who had gone over that moment over and over again, "When did you? 

"Once you dragged me off the shuttle and hacked the Academy systems to reassign me to a private room because I'd grumbled about havin' a roommate." 

"I did mean to apologize about the fact that our defacto fathers ruined that particular gift." 

"Not just your doin'. I have myself to blame for that, too. And...I liked ending up with you. I'd wondered why you hadn't put yourself as my roommate--" 

"You wanted to be on your own. I know I'm a more social creature than you are, and I wanted you to be happy." Jim shrugged as if casually tossing off the information that Jim had been trying to silently take care of Leonard since they'd _met_ was nothing. 

"Thanks for takin' care of me." 

Jim shook his head, "That's barely taking care of you--" 

"Take the gratitude, you infant. You took care of me." Jim's ears were turning red, and Leonard let his praise stand, giving his food his full attention as Jim squirmed slightly. Jim resumed eating, nibbling at his chips, head ducked slightly. Jim was very good at taking care of people, but very bad at letting that care be acknowledged, let alone appreciated. "How do you always make a perfect sandwich?" 

Jim startled slightly, and glanced at the more-than-half eaten sandwich sitting in front of Leonard, and something passed behind his eyes that Leonard didn't want to ever see there again, "I had to learn." Jim replied softly, meeting his gaze, "If I wanted to...Frank wasn't exactly one to pack school lunches. So I had to learn." 

Leonard controlled the tight coil of fury that clawed its way through him at the mention of Frank and what that fucker had done, but Jim was steady talking about it; steadier than Leonard would have been. "What was your favourite sandwich growin' up?" 

Jim's mouth twisted wryly, "Turkey." 

"You hate turkey." Leonard snorted instinctively, and Jim let out a chuckle. 

"I had too much of it as a kid, wore myself out." Jim was smiling, but his eyes still had a gravity in them that was a little more than concerning. "Bones...what about Joanna? Does she...Is she--" 

"She doesn't know about me; she's too young yet. I...One thing I have to make clear is that I never meant for Joce to get pregnant. I never meant to marry her." Jim looked confused, features pinched slightly, because this was not the story Leonard had told him. "I didn't want to admit who I was, and after Val...I wasn't willin' to have to face falling in love with someone only to be losing them because it'd only be a few years before leavin' them behind. Joce and I dated...she wanted more--" 

"She punctured a condom." Jim filled in, sadness curling around his voice. 

Leonard nodded, "Sam and I...we couldn't be certain whether C24 would pass naturally or not; Sam had thought not, but, even so, once she'd conceived I threw every reservation I had out the window about how long I could stay, I wanted Jo the moment I found out. So I married Joce when she told me it was that or lose them both. When everything fell apart...When I finally made everything fall apart, I planned on faking the death of Leonard McCoy a little more properly than I had done for any of my other aliases; keepin’ my distance, but watching over her.” Leonard caught Jim’s eye, “Then I walked into a bar in Riverside and some blue-eyed fool was getting his ass handed to ‘im.” 

Jim pressed his lips together, his eyes dancing with that memory, “You were in the bar?” 

“You’re the reason I got on the damn shuttle.” Leonard told him simply, “You’re the reason Leonard McCoy still exists.” 

Jim’s eyes widened at that, his nibbling coming to an abrupt halt as he did a subtle double-take, colour rising. He swallowed thickly, taking a slow breath, "I have a confession to make." Jim admitted, clearing his throat, "After the Narada, I was contacted by one of your former colleagues at the hospital in Georgia. He was a fan; wanted me--wanted us--to appear at a fundraiser. We were both still trapped in the aftermath, I sent my apologies, but he let slip that...that Joanna had been admitted to the ER for a broken bone." Leonard's forehead was crumpled as to what this was leading to, but the break itself was not news; Jocelyn had cursed him out because he'd told her stories of climbing an apple tree when he was a kid, and as a result, the four-year-old had decided to try it for herself. "It wasn't the only injury she had, and...Bones, you know me, you know my past. I asked him to do me a favour." 

"You asked 'im to reach out to you if she ever got hurt like that again." Leonard mumbled numbly. 

"He knew you wouldn't, because you trusted that Jocelyn would tell you--" 

"I'd trust you to tell me!" 

"No, Bones!--God, no. Jo hasn't had anything that you haven't heard about, I've made damn fucking sure of that." Jim stopped him, hands splayed in front of him, eyes boring into Leonard's. 

"But there's a pattern?" 

Jim's features twisted, his lips pursing, "I can't say there is, but it's--" 

"There's something there." 

"If there is, we have to get her out there." 

"Jim...If there is somethin' going on, you're gonna have to go to the black without me." 

Jim flinched, the sharp turn of his mouth downwards startling, "No. If we have to get her out of there, Leonard, I am going with you. I don't care." 

"You belong in the stars, darlin', and you might be able to convince me that you're ready to be planet-bound in a few years, but there's no way I can take you away from that now." 

Jim went quiet for a while, "I know Jo's never met me--" 

"Not my point, Jim." Leonard cut him off, voice strained. "Jo'll love you, and she's somehow managed to wrap you 'round her little finger despite the fact you've never seen 'er look up at you with her big brown eyes. Dammit, man, when Joce let me visit her for Christmas two years back, you'd had enough toys specially made to fill a goddamned suitcase." Leonard took a slow breath, trying to settle the churning worry and fear in his gut, "If I end up as the sole guardian, Jim, there'll come a time when either I have to come into the open as what I am; or I'll have to fake Jo's death along with mine. If you go back out there, then all eyes will be on you.” 

“You and Jo would be able to slip away.” Jim sounded lost, the sadness slowly clouding into his features making Leonard’s breath catch. He reached over the table, catching Jim’s hand only to release it when Jim flinched violently, his eyes going sharp for a second as he was derailed from that train of thought. 

“Jim, I will never leave you—“ 

“No, but you’d need me to leave you.” 

“Jim, I...” 

Jim shook his head sharply, “No. She’s more important. She’s your little girl.” Jim blinked, breathing, “I’d need to stay away mostly, to keep you both out of the public eye. She’s not old enough to know about this, I know...when would you...?” 

“I’d have to give her a choice, Jim.” 

Jim’s eyes flashed, reading that Leonard meant a choice of either going with them or staying in her life, not a choice of when, “What choice is there—“ 

“Don’t misunderstand, darlin'. She will not be left in a situation that puts her in danger. But askin' her to fake her death every few years? Askin' her not to see Jocelyn again? Not the best of options either." 

Jim chewed through that information silently, and Leonard got up only to ease himself back down next to Jim, wrapping an arm around his shoulders and pulling him in, pressing a kiss to his hair, "Maybe I'm wrong." Jim murmured, "If I am...how are you...?" 

"I'd stay away, keep tabs on her...make the choice to come back when she's older, or to simply stay away." 

"Bones, you love Jo." 

"I do, but I won't risk her happiness or her freedom because I'm her father." 

Jim reached down, gripping Leonard's free hand as he leaned his head into the spot on Leonard's neck that he most loved, "You're a good man, Bones."


	6. Tell Me You Want Me (Baby, I'm Yours)

Laying on the biobed, Leonard sighed to himself, abjectly dreading what would come next. 

"Jesus, Bones! Boyce, those are...Fuck, you're lit up like a Christmas tree! Those are all shrapnel?" 

"It's not actually that bad, Len." Boyce spoke under the freak out Jim appeared to be having, sounding impressed. 

"Not--" 

"Jim, sit down and breathe deeply. It's not as though Leonard's dying of these wounds." Boyce sighed, showing Leonard the readout. 

Leonard frowned, a little disappointed in himself. "I'd thought I'd gotten all'a that one." Pointing at the glowing speck that he knew was a piece of a bullet designed to shatter once impacted with organic tissue, Leonard sighed through his nose, rolling his head back to look at Jim where he was bunched so tightly into himself that Leonard was more concerned about Jim causing himself a stress-headache than he was about actually pulling the damn thing out. "This one's gonna cause a lot of bleeding," Leonard warned Boyce, indicating the bit of metal near his femoral artery, and the other doctor's lips pursed slightly, "Holding it open long enough for you to remove it will mean that there'll be a lot of clean-up afterwards." 

"I assume you wouldn't have anything to work as a transfusion under normal circumstances, but would there be a way we can ensure you don't pass out from blood loss?" 

Jim made a high, nearly humming noise, and Leonard internally winced. "I don't know if we can use one of the old IVs. My system'd be likely to push it out, but I will admit that it's been a while since anyone tried to hook one up, and I was unconscious for a good deal of that, so I'm not sure if Sam had to keep re-inserting it." 

Jim swore in High Romulan, and Leonard snorted into laughter, Boyce slowly turning to look at him as if Jim really was his son, and he was not pleased by this use of language. Looking slightly sheepish, Jim's ears coloured, "Sorry." 

"Uh-huh." Boyce rolled his eyes, turning back to Leonard. "Are you good to start now?" 

"Jim?" Leonard asked, voice very nearly coaxing. 

"Understand this now, Bones: I'm gonna help Boyce pull all this out of you, but I'm gonna bitch about it loudly and often." Jim assured him, voice low and dangerous. 

"So, you've passed your delicacy when administering a hypo to Chapel, and your bedside manner to Jim. I'd almost pity you, but you brought this upon yourself." Boyce told him, patting his shoulder absently as he looked over the antiquated surgical supplies Leonard had brought with him, clearly preparing himself mentally just as much as Jim was. 

"You two don't have to do this." 

"Shut up." They snapped in unison. 

"I could--" 

"Fuck off." Jim bit, and Boyce crossed his arms over his chest, drawing himself to his full height and staring Leonard down. 

"I have before." 

"You were alone before," Boyce pointed out. 

"You aren't anymore!" Jim finished. 

Leonard sighed to himself, shaking his head slightly, "Fine." 

"Jim, go scrub down." Boyce ordered, and Jim darted forward, kissing Leonard's forehead before he went to do as he was told. "Kid," Boyce addressed Leonard, "Correct me if I'm wrong, but your healing...it goes back to factory settings, doesn't it?" 

"Keeps any scars previous to infection, but yeah." Leonard answered, knowing where this was going and not liking it, but appreciating that Boyce had been kind enough to clear Jim from the room before broaching this particular subject. 

"Some of these...they'd cause injury constantly, every time you move." 

"Yeah." 

"That kind of pain--" 

"Phil," Leonard cut Boyce off only to have to cut himself off as Jim slipped back into the room in a pair of scrubs, and Boyce nodded to him once, letting it drop. 

"Okay, Jim, I'm going to be doing the cutting; I'll get you to make sure that the nitrous mask stays in place and his heart stays beating. I might need your hands, but I'll do my best not to." 

"I appreciate that." Jim murmured tightly. 

Jim rounded towards his head and the mask of nitrous oxide they were going to try to use to give him some measure of pain relief, but Leonard caught his arm, waiting until Jim's gaze finally met his, "I'm gonna be fine, darlin'." He husked, and Jim's mouth tightened, but he didn't argue it. 

"See you on the other side." Jim murmured tightly, grabbing up the mask, fitting it in place, and turning on the dosage. 

When Leonard came-to, Jim had blood on his scrubs, his eyes bright with both pain and hope, and Boyce was telling him about the time Leonard had gone out with him and the rest of his hospital staff, which had ended with Leonard carrying Boyce back to his house and Pike brow-beating him into spending the night on their couch, because Jim had been in the guest room and had missed Boyce drunkenly singing the songs of his youth at full voice at two in the morning. 

"What's the prognosis, doc?" Leonard rasped, and Jim outright beamed at him. 

"We got all the shrapnel out. We had to break two bones to do it, and watching your bones heal like that was fucking awful, but we got everything." Boyce reported, "You're gonna let Jim drag your sorry self home, and you're gonna take it easy for a while. Jim claims that he'll sit on you if he has to." 

"Totally will." Jim confirmed, "You're going to get better if it kills me." 

Leonard snorted, "If we go get a burger and fries, I'll be back to a hundred percent." 

"You lost _three litres_ of blood, Bones." 

"Did the IV work?" 

Jim made a see-sawing motion with his hand, shrugging slightly. "Mixed results. We managed to get about a half-litre of blood back in your system, but not much more. Which means you should still be dead, I remember that much about you lecturing me on how much blood I ought to be able to lose before dying." 

"I'm fine, darlin'." Leonard managed, though he had to admit that he'd been run over once or twice and it'd felt similar to this before it'd healed. "Let's go home and get some food. Phil, you comin'?" 

"I've got a little bit more clean-up to do, kid. You two go home. Take care of each other. Lord knows what kind of trouble you two will get yourselves into the longer you're subjecting the greater populace to your presence." 

"It's Sunday, you're coming over for dinner tonight." Jim informed him as if that was not news, and Leonard closed his eyes, grinning to himself at the look he could practically _feel_ Boyce shooting at Jim. 

"Oh, will I?" 

"Yep. Six o'clock. Bring a bottle of wine." 

Leonard could only shrugged when Boyce turned to look at him expectantly; he wasn't about to go back on the invitation, not for all the credits in the 'verse. "Preferably a red." 

"We're having my garlic chicken, so I hope you don’t have plans with anyone else for the next week.” Jim warned, and Leonard chuckled, Boyce snorting softly. Jim’s garlic chicken was delicious, but caused one to smell of garlic for days. 

“Sounds wonderful.” Boyce finally agreed, and Leonard grunted as Jim grabbed his searching hand, levering him upright. “Just get him home and resting.” 

Leonard slid to his feet, sliding into the jeans he’d been wearing before pulling the medical tunic off and replacing that with a t-shirt. He was a little surprised to find that he didn’t feel quite as blood covered as he ought to. Jim changed quickly and fell into step with him, not moving to support him, but there just in case, which worked for their cover. Leonard felt a little guilty at having left Boyce with clean-up, but he had to admit that he hadn’t felt quite this bad since he was dying. Sliding their hands together once they were safely in a cab, Jim turned to look him over, his eyes darker than Leonard had ever seen them; features clouded. Their silence held until they reached the apartment, Jim tossing him an apple while he opened the fridge, surveying the contents. “Jim?” 

“I hated that, Bones.” Jim sighed, sounding disappointed. “You nearly died.” 

“Blood loss or the nitrous?” 

“I don’t...” Jim growled, shaking his head. Going for broke, Leonard opened his arms to Jim, beckoning him in. Jim’s eyes skirted over the offer, and Leonard was about to lower his arms when Jim impacted with his chest, hunching into him in a way that he hadn’t done for years. Leonard let out a slow breath, threading his fingers in Jim’s hair and holding him tight. 

“Even if I wasn’t a tough bastard to kill, Jim, it'd take more than death to drag me away.” Leonard promised, well aware that Jim’s fear of being left behind was worse than it ever had been, even when Leonard had nearly had to walk away from him onto the Enterprise. “C’mon, sweetheart. We’re both gonna be fine. I promise you.” Jim clutched him tighter, and Leonard eased a hand down his back, turning his head to press kisses to Jim’s temple, the ragged edge to his breathing beginning to worry Leonard. “Jim, I’m right here.” 

Jim turned his head, pressing his face into Leonard’s chest, and Leonard massaged gently at the back of his neck. Jim’s response to that was a gentle pinch to his side, swaying deeper into him for a moment before he forced himself to relax, “You have to eat.” 

Chuckling, Leonard refused to let Jim go for a minute, tipping his head up and pressing a soft kiss to his forehead, his cheek, the corner of his mouth. Jim’s eyes had fluttered shut with the first press of Leonard’s lips to his forehead, but they fluttered back open now, the impossible blue brighter than before, no longer caught quite so deeply in the fear. “Order in from that diner down the road, darlin’. I feel like curlin’ up with you for now, then when the food comes you can see how well food works to distract me into letting you out of my arms.” Jim paused, looking up at him with a knowing twist to his features, and Leonard grinned in response, unrepentant. Jim was a creature of touch; holding him close while Jim put the call in and mentally planned out their dinner wasn't even necessary, Leonard knew--he could simply hold Jim's hand, and it would bring him comfort. But Leonard found himself, more and more after years of begrudgingly dealing with the touch starved infant, completely uncaring that he could get the job done any other way. Curling Jim up in his arms was better than anything else Leonard could ask for. Jim resisited it when Leoanrd tried to move him towards the bedroom, pushing Leonard back towards the couch instead. 

"I'm not letting you out of eating, Bones. You are not tricking me into falling asleep only for us to miss the delivery." 

"Fine, but only if you'll let me talk you into bed later." 

"As if you'd need to talk me into getting into bed with you." Jim sighed, rolling his eyes, and Leonard husked a laugh, the two of them falling onto the couch, Leonard's arms automatically folding around Jim's waist and pulling him tight. "Thank you." Jim murmured, snuggling in shamelessly. 

"You okay?" Leonard asked softly, the building quiet too comforting to break with loud noise. Jim nodded silently, laying his head against Leonard's shoulder as he picked up Leonard's hand, studying his fingers, sliding his fingertips over Leonard's palm. "Sorry that you went through that."

Jim's gaze hardened slightly, "I don't... _You_ shouldn't have had to go through that." 

"You're not gonna find this in any way comforting, but that was better than any other time something like that's had to happen. I owe you an' Phil." 

"Fuck." Jim growled on a breath, closing his eyes and burying his face in Leonard's neck. "Please, never again." 

"I can promise you that it won't be that bad." Leonard offered. Jim groaned, but Leonard could feel his smile against his throat anyway. 

"Don't make promises you can't keep, Bones." Jim murmured finally, tracing his nose over the line of Leonard's throat before he pressed a kiss to the pulse point at the base of his neck. "I know you can't promise not to get hurt again. But I can promise you that I'm going to do everything in my power to try to keep you from getting hurt." 

"Let's just have each other's backs on this one." Leonard twisted down to kiss Jim's forehead, humming with victory as Jim leaned up to kiss him properly. Jim stroked his thumb over the line of Leonard's jaw, sucking gently on Leonard's lower lip. "This couch is my new favourite piece of furniture." 

"Because we keep ending up like this?" 

"Mmm-hm." Leonard hummed. Jim laughed at him, easing his hands up under the hem of Leonard's t-shirt, skimming over the smooth skin he found there where Leonard had been cut open and bleeding before. Leonard caught Jim's wrists as Jim kept brushing higher. "Darlin', we've still got food on the way." 

"Oh, I'll keep my clothes on." Jim purred, sliding the shirt up with an impish smile until, sighing, Leonard raised his arms to let Jim sweep the offending garment off entirely, flicking it away and ducking back in for another kiss. Leonard's hands fell down to Jim's hips, sliding into cupping his ass and laughing as Jim let out a squeak when he squeezed. "At least this time it's your need for food interrupting us." 

"We need to stop being interrupted soon." Leonard murmured, feeling flushed as Jim pulled away for a moment, something shuttering behind his eyes. "Darlin'?" Leonard stopped Jim from another series of kisses, scoffing when Jim shook his head, "When has trying to hide from me ever worked, Jim'?" 

"No--" Leonard afixed him with a look, and Jim rolled his eyes, "Fine, I would love nothing more than to rock your world, but I don't feel...fuck, I don't know." 

"Up to the very high standards it would take to rock my world?" Leonard offered, voice thick with teasing laughter, and Jim scowled at him. "Darlin', you were dead just a few weeks ago. I can understand you needin' time." 

"But--" 

"Any problems I could ever have with it would be mine to deal with, Jim. We're not there yet. Only real problem would be if you were to tell me that I'm not something you want at all, and that'd only be a problem because I like what we're building here together, and I don't want to go backwards." 

Jim carded his fingers in the fringe of hair starting to droop into Leonard's face, "I want you. I'm just not ready to have you yet." 

"If you didn't want me--" 

"Then I'd tell you." Jim assured him, clearly knowing that would be the path of least resistance for getting that point made before following it up with the one that he really wanted articulated, "But I've wanted you since the shuttle, so that's not going to happen...ever." 

Leonard splayed his hand over the small of Jim's back, and Jim rested their foreheads together, hands resting on his collarbones, tilting his head to press a line of kisses up his neck. "Keep kissin' me?" 

Jim fell into that request with abandon, and Leonard soaked in the easy warmth cocooning them until the chime of the door broke through. Jim's hair was in complete disarray, his mouth swollen and his eyes blown as he dragged himself to the door, dazedly paying the delivery person despite their protests that the man who saved the world twice had earned free burgers. Leonard grinned to himself as Jim insisted, the words, "Please don't make me chase you, man, just take the credits." 

Levering himself to his feet, Leonard padded into the kitchen, grabbing down plates, "Ketchup?" Leonard asked. 

"Not for me." Jim called back, balancing a tray with two milkshakes in one hand, the smell of the Leonard's burger reaching him, a rumbling growl rocking through his stomach in response. "I got onion rings. And you can steal a couple for your burger." Jim grinned at him, sliding Leonard's food onto a plate, and neglecting to do anything more than popping open the container of onion rings, apparently the only thing he'd ordered for himself. 

"Not hungry?" Leonard asked, and Jim paused, realizing that he wasn't so hungry as he had been and grinning wider. "Told ya you'd even out soon." Leonard smirked, and Jim rolled his eyes, though with no small fondness. 

Jim munched idly on his onion rings while he searched the kitchen for something to make with the chicken. "Potatoes or rice?" 

"Potatoes." Leonard told him definitively. "We can use some of the chicken drippings as gravy." Jim rarely made it, but it was always one of the best meals Leonard had had for decades. Using the same ingredients and the same basic recipe, Jim managed to never make it into the same meal twice. 

Leonard found himself finished his food faster than was probably advisable, and he watched Jim darting around his kitchen as if he'd been the one to set it up all those decades ago. Jim fit in this space in a way that made Leonard ache for how easy it was. More and more, Leonard found himself thinking of whether it would be so bad to tell the crew their secret; if they wouldn't help the both of them to keep it. He trusted the crew, though maybe not as steadfastly as Jim did--but Jim's trust in his crew was something that Leonard was trying to emulate, to learn from. 

"Darlin', let's you an' I call the crew tomorrow and meet out somewhere. We can't bring 'em back here, but...we can find somewhere, I'm sure." 

Jim looked up from skinning garlic cloves, and his smile was soft, and blindingly brilliant. "I'd like that." 

By the time a knock sounded from the front door, the entire building probably smelled of roasting garlic, and Leonard was trying very hard not to show Jim just how hungry he was getting, because the smell was divine. "The requested red," Boyce handed him the bottle, breathing in and swallowing at the heavenly smell, "now give me food, I beg you." 

Jim laughed from where he pulled glasses down for the three of them. "How'd it go?" 

"The Admiralty has taken the slap on the wrist with all the dignity they lack, and everything else is in place for your next move." 

"I don' wanna know." Leonard decided. 

"You really don't." Jim laughed the deep laugh that had the innate ability to make anyone who heard it want in on the joke. Pouring the wine smoothly, Jim seemed to glow as he leaned against the kitchen counter, the ache of his belonging growing from his chest to his throat. and Leonard took a sip of wine to hide the expression before it could even form. "Few more minutes to sit, then Bones'll carve." 

Boyce made a show of growling at Jim, who laughed delightedly, and toasted the doctors. Boyce shook his head but sipped, turning to Leonard, “How’re you feeling, Len?” 

“Good. Little sore, but like I ran a marathon, not like I fell down a hill made outta razorblades.” Jim snorted at that, bending to extract the chicken and the dish of mashed potatoes and roasted asparagus. Leonard slid into place before the chicken, picking up the carving knife and trying very hard not to drool at the golden skin and decadent smell. 

"Jim, there is something that...may cause problems." Boyce told them carefully, watching Leonard all the while. "The Admiralty knows you're not using their provided apartments." 

Leonard's gaze slid from his work on their meal to Jim, whose poker face could never mask the gleam of knowing in his eyes, "I thought they might." Jim replied carefully, setting his wine glass down with a deliberation that spoke of more Leonard really didn't want to know. "I was curious how Sarge managed to escape whatever hole he was being kept in...that would mean that either Starfleet should have made him disappear before I ever could, or they sent him." 

Leonard and Boyce took slow, shaking breaths at the same time, but Leonard resumed carving the chicken, sure in the knowledge that Jim had his back in a way that no one who didn't know Jim Kirk could ever contextualize. "They sent him with a phaser to take out..." 

"Not to take us out." Leonard realized, the piece clicking into place--the idle itch of wondering just _why_ Sarge hadn't managed to kill them. "They wanted Jim to save us...and to hurt Sarge in doing so." Leonard looked at Boyce, "Has anyone gone to see him since he was arrested?" 

A slow smile very like the evil-genius grin that Jim would fall into when he was being truly terrible crept over Boyce's features, "No. I locked him down. Only access available is to the highest-ranking medical officer on-planet." 

"Which is you." Jim started smiling, too. Leonard wracked his brain, sure that that couldn't be that simple, but because Khan had laid that conclave of power to waste, he couldn't think of an exception that would negate the claim of safety. 

Leonard took a shuddering breath as another realization surfaced, "If someone sent Sarge, they don't need to meet with him to know about me." 

Jim shifted on his feet, his gaze going distant as he ran through calculations that Leonard didn't have the patience to put together. Boyce was the one that spoke up, however, "Not if they allowed him to get a handle on the history of what was happening. The probability of you--" Boyce cut himself off, looking almost as pained as Jim did at the near-mention of the hell Leonard had had to get through, "He likely thought you just as dead as you did him." 

"And if he told them about you, then they went looking for records that _weren't there_ , Bones. I looked for John Grimm, remember? Every image was corrupted." 

Leonard didn't have to tell him that the only way to stop the blaring alarms his instincts were kicking up would be to run, but somehow Jim's steadiness was enough to ease something. "That doesn't make any difference to the fact that I did fight Sarge, and they knew what he was capable of." 

"You said you didn't know why it was so easy," Jim began, "what if it was because he was under orders not to truly fight anyone?" Turning to Boyce, Jim's brow furrowed, "Has anyone run a full scan of him?" 

"No..." Boyce replied, "only the basic to determine if there was any internal damage to his chest." 

"What are you thinkin'?" Leonard asked Jim, the curiosity pulling his brows together. Jim's eyes took on a hunted look, and Leonard's hackles rose in response, his heart twisting in his chest, "Jim?" 

"It's just...something I saw. In Tarsus. Something Kodos was planning on using to keep control of the population." Jim looked between them, "This isn't a conversation to have over dinner--" 

"This is a conversation we're gonna have, though, darlin'." Leonard replied simply, and Jim swallowed, nodding. Leonard served the plates up, and the looming threat of the possibility of what Jim had seen was heavy on their backs. 

When it was clear that none of them was able to fully enjoy the meal, Jim sighed softly, sitting back and letting the darkness that came with remembering Tarsus settle around him, "Bones, I told you about the eldest of the child prodigies there...what I left out was that he was studying micro-biology and psychology, and had a background in engineering. He was toying with the idea that he could make an organically-based...an organic system of transmitters and receivers that would allow him to broadcast his will." Leonard felt his fingers release the untensils more than there was a conscious command for jis fingers to do so. The clatter brought Jim up short, the mingling disgust and blank horror painting murals over his ever-expressive features until the image was grotesque in a way that Leonard didn’t want to fathom. 

"If we managed to get Leonard's system to accept a transfusion...who's to say that organic matter of that kind wouldn't've been accepted into Sarge's." Boyce croaked, looking distinctly grey. "If Starfleet has their hands on that kind of tech..." 

The implications didn't need to be verbalized for all three of them to settle into the heavy dread of men facing down a world that was a twisted horror of what it'd once looked to be. "Jim, how good are you at getting into the Starfleet systems?" 

Blue eyes looked up at Leonard with a steel that could give a rabid Klingon pause, "We're going to find out."


	7. I Got So Much Soul Inside My Bones (Living Ultralife)

It'd been a few decades since he'd done it last, but as Leonard breathed through the stretch and pull of a yoga routine, he was hit all over again with gratitude that Boyce and Jim had taken out the shrapnel. Every move that should have sent a searing pain through his system was blessedly peaceful, and Leonard couldn't help but be almost dizzy with his gratitude. 

The silence of the apartment was indicative that Jim had woken, if only because Jim usually talked in his sleep, and Leonard checked himself to make sure of his centre, focusing on the sound of his breathing over the pad of Jim's feet on hardwood. 

"Jesus! Warn a guy!" Jim yelled dramatically, ducking back out of the library hiding his eyes. 

"Somethin' wrong?" Leonard asked calmly, sliding into the next pose easily enough as his body fell into the familiar rhythm of it. 

"You--I can't--Just, if you're going to be mostly naked and looking like _that_ in a pool of sunlight like a damned cat, _warn me_." Jim's voice was getting further away, headed to the kitchen, and Leonard snorted, shaking his head as he shifted again. "I have a question for you. This does not have to do with your being bendy." 

"Okay...?" Leonard replied, brow furrowing as he leaned into the stretch of the pose on his hamstrings. 

"I'm not sure if you noticed, but I've kinda...stopped calling you anything but Bones. I was wondering if you mind, or if you want me to call you something else." Jim sounded like this was a different admittance, and Leonard tried to analyze how it could be, but came up with a blank--this was something to Jim and Jim alone. 

"I don't mind, Jim. It's easier to keep the secret if you don't call me John or Joseph anyway, and if you're not comfortable calling me Leonard--" 

Jim padded into the room with a cup of coffee and folded himself onto one of the chairs, head tilted to look at him, "I...It's not that not comfortable calling you Leonard. I just like calling you Bones...because Bones is mine." 

Leonard unfurled out of the pose so that he could fix Jim with a look the right way up, "So what you're tellin' me is that you like only callin' me Bones 'cause I won't let anyone else do it, and you're a possessive bastard?" 

Jim's cheeks turned the most delicious red, but he looked almost defiant, "Pretty much." 

"And you decided that that was news enough to be worth interruptin' yoga why?" Leonard stretched his arms out, the joints popping softly as he twisted his wrists and let his fingers spread. "I kinda already knew you like callin' me Bones because it's something just between us, darlin'." Jim pouted, but it didn't last long as Leonard rolled up to prowl towards him, pulling him off the chair so that his legs were wrapped around Leonard's waist, back resting against Leonard's thighs as they wrapped their hands together. Jim's eyes skirted down Leonard's bare torso, taking in the clench of his abdomen that kept Leonard from fully laying against the carpet. 

"How the hell did you manage to keep me from noticing just how strong you are?" Jim wondered. 

"Working very hard for over a century before you were even born seemed to do the trick." 

Jim's mouth twisted down as the teasing husk left Leonard's lips, and Leonard felt the answering furrow on his brow. "You were alone for way too long, Bones." Jim whispered. 

"It got me here." In the grand scheme of things, that was what counted for Leonard. "Here is a good place to be." 

Jim rolled his eyes at that, but didn't try to stop his smile, leaning down to kiss Leonard slowly, easing them down until Leonard was laying against the ground fully and Jim's body covered his like a blanket. Jim slid kisses over the line of Leonard's jaw, then down his throat. "I do have to agree with you on that one." Jim murmured throatily. 

It had been overwhelming in the worst way when the man that had last been Joseph Dredd decided to become Leonard McCoy and rejoin the world he'd fought for; when Leonard McCoy had let himself get lured in by Jocelyn. He'd been a Judge, not a monk, but she'd touched him with something that had made him believe he could manage to fold himself back into the world. Now, with Jim touching him with much of that unnameable thing than Jocelyn had been able to, he was overwhelmed all over again, and this time it was getting worse the longer he let Jim touch him, not better. The touches shared before they'd gotten together had been unfamiliar to Leonard until all at once they became a sign of home--and after getting together, it was as if Leonard was falling down a void that he didn't want to even contemplate escaping. But since Jim had literally seen him cut open and had helped to finally, fully heal him, Jim's touches were downright _reverent_ in a way that made Leonard feel even more overloaded than he had been years ago. 

"I never took you to be the type to do yoga," Jim whispered, still trailing his mouth over Leonard's skin. 

"Haven't for a long time." Leonard admitted. "I'd forgotten how good it feels, though." 

"How are you feeling?" 

"Good." Leonard purred the reassurance, smiling as he threaded his hand in Jim's bedhead. "How'd you sleep?" 

"Amazing." Jim told him muffledly, and Leonard shuddered as Jim bit lightly at the definition of his pectoral. "Can I talk you into coming back to bed?" 

"Let's go." Leonard flipped Jim off of him, and Jim laughed as Leonard launched himself upright and ran for the bedroom, Jim scrambling to try to chase him. 

"Cheater!" Jim shouted, "You absolute terror!" 

"Jim," Leonard admonished, "you should be used to this by now." 

Grinning wildly, Leonard spread himself over the mattress as Jim lingered in the doorway, drinking him in. "Take off your pants." Jim ordered softly, voice husky enough to shiver down Leonard's spine like a touch. Lifting his hips, Leonard slid off the sweatpants, and Jim took in a slow, shaking breath when the bare skin beneath was exposed. "Fuck, Bones..." 

"Yes, darlin'?" Leonard smirked, relaxing back against the pillows. Jim hesitated at the door, and Leonard offered a slow, lazy smile. "Take off your clothes and get into bed with me, Jim." Jim twitched slightly, but he obeyed, stripping off the undershirt and boxers and climbing into bed, settling beside Leonard with a nervousness that Leonard had never seen Jim display. Leonard leaned on one side, reaching up to brush at Jim's lower lip before easing him into a slow, soft kiss. "You're gorgeous, darlin'." Leonard sighed, shifting onto his side, leaning his weight onto his elbow and skimming his hand down Jim's side, barely touching Jim as he rubbed over the cut of his hipbone. Shivering, Jim inched closer, ducking his head to tuck into Leonard's throat. Leonard threaded his hand through Jim's blond hair, shifting so that his thigh rested against Jim's legs. "Okay?" 

"Yeah..." Jim breathed softly, thumb rubbing over the pulse at the base of Leonard's throat. 

"Is this okay?" Leonard asked again with a deliberate tone, letting his hands settle on Jim's back. Jim nodded, his breath catching. "Yeah, darlin’, that’s convincing.” 

Jim rolled his eyes at the teasing, his hand catching Leonard’s and pulling him in until they were completely flush. Leonard didn’t move once Jim had reeled him in, but as Jim evacuated his spot in Leonard’s throat and pressed a soft kiss to his forehead instead, he did smile. “This is good.” 

“We’re okay.” Leonard agreed on a matching whisper. 

Jim settled, the long line of his body relaxing against Leonard’s, Jim’s fingers tangling with his and his head pillowing against Leonard’s shoulder. Leonard brushed a kiss over his cheek, smiling softly as Jim nuzzled into him. Leonard twisted slightly, snagging the blankets and wrapping them up. Jim smiled as he pulled the blankets over their heads, rolling onto his back and pulling Leonard with him. Leonard took it one step more, sliding over him and bracketing Jim under him, long fingers stroking over Jim's cheek reverently. "I like this." Jim admitted, his hands skimming up the slope of Leonard's back. 

"So do I." Leonard agreed, lowering his mouth to brush over Jim's jaw until he reached Jim's ear, "I'd like to kiss you...everywhere." Leonard whispered, and Jim moaned softly, turning to lick into Leonard's mouth, his hand sliding low on Leonard's back. "You gonna let me, darlin'?" 

"Yes," Jim groaned, "fuck, please kiss me." 

Leonard smiled to himself, starting with the shell of Jim's ear. Jim sighed, tilting his head back to offer his throat, and Leonard rumbled appreciatively, but refrained from moving there yet. Instead, stroking his fingers over the skin before he allowed his mouth to make contact, Leonard lavished attention over the hollow just behind the hinge of Jim's jaw. Arching into the contact, Jim whimpered when Leonard blew over the spot, the rush of air definitively warm, yet it sent gooseflesh rising over Jim's whole body. With the both of them naked, the slow worship of Leonard's mouth over his body was having an obvious effect, Jim's hands settling on Leonard's hips just for something to hold on to. Chuckling darkly, Leonard trailed his own hands down, dragging Jim's away to wrap their fingers together and press Jim's hands into the pillow on either side of his head. "I'm gonna kiss you until you tell me to stop, and if you want more, then we'll have more--but if you don't want more, then we'll take a cold shower and make food. Okay?" Jim's eyes were blown, but the nervousness in them settled when Leonard lowered himself back down and teased him into a kiss, keeping it short and far too sweet, "Promise me you're gonna tell me what you want and if you need me to stop, Jim." 

"I promise," Jim panted, fingers squeezing at Leonard's desperately. 

"Thank you, darlin'." Leonard murmured, moving his mouth back to the careful survey of the escarpment and valley of Jim's collarbones. Jim moaned at the slow swipe of his tongue into the hollows he found, and Leonard relished the sound, filling his senses with Jim and allowing himself to be amazed once again that Jim was safe, alive, and in his arms. 

Jim took a shaking breath, licking his lips, "I love it when you call me darlin'." 

Leonard chuckled, muffling the sound against Jim's chest, and Jim groaned in response. "You are my darling one, Jim." 

Jim squirmed as Leonard trailed kisses over his ribs, the ticklish brush of contact very nearly giving him the giggles outright. Leonard adjusted the pressure of his kiss, and Jim hummed happily in response, the laughed as Leonard bit his flank. "No fair." Leonard paused, looking up the line of his body to meet the hazy gaze shining down on him like sunlight. "That was not a request for you to stop being unfair, just an observation." 

Leonard growled in order to strangle the laughter that Jim's ridiculously happy grin was trying to stir out of him, and returned to lick the place he'd bitten, which did send Jim giggling. 

Side-tracking, Leonard brought their still-clasped hands to his mouth, kissing Jim's scarred knuckles until Jim's grip loosened enough for his hand to slide free. Turning Jim's palm upright, Leonard pressed a kiss to each fingertip, then to the very centre of his palm, licking at the pulse in his wrist and nipping the skin there. Jim shivered, breath catching as Leonard nipped a trail up the inside of his forearm to the soft of his elbow. Drawing careful attention over his path up Jim's bicep, Leonard eased him into a leisurely kiss, the question clear on his face, "My lips are feeling a little neglected. Stay up here a while." 

Leonard leaned in, kissing Jim slowly and thoroughly, because kissing Jim was a revelation every single time Leonard had the opportunity to do it. Jim folded Leonard into his arms, gripping Leonard's dark hair as he did something with his tongue that set every nerve in Jim alight. Shivering, Jim caught his breath, only to gasp as Leonard drew the blanket down from over their heads, the cool air against his flushed skin delicious in a way that had Jim pulling Leonard back to him. Pressing kisses to the flush of Jim's cheek, all the way down his chest, Leonard flicked his tongue over one of Jim's nipples, teasing the other with the pad of his thumb, Jim's moans cutting through the still air of those Shroedinger's hours between the world's sleeping and waking. All too often, Leonard had spent these hours bent over the injured and dying, but it was a small price to pay for having the chance to spend these hours like this. 

"Talk to me, darlin'. Tell me what you want." 

Jim couldn't put words to what he wanted at that moment. The attention already laved over him was so much more than Jim ever could have thought to ask for, and though he wanted more, he also wanted for Leonard to simply wrap him up in his arms and take care of him, exactly as he'd been doing for all their lives together. It seemed that Jim didn't need to verbalize how torn he was, though; Leonard rested his chin on his hand, looking up at him through dark lashes. 

"You know you're beautiful," Leonard told him, stroking the backs of his fingers along the scale of Jim's ribs, "everyone who's ever been where I am now has told you that, I'm sure." Jim wanted to tell him that no one had been where Leonard was; that no one had taken the time to turn him inside out in the way that Leonard did, but the words just wouldn't come, "When I tell you you're beautiful, I don't mean the curve of your mouth, or the colour of your eyes when you smile at me. The sound of your voice makes me do the dumbest things I've ever heard of, and when you laugh I think you could probably talk me into worse." Jim snorted, rolling his eyes fondly. "When I tell you that you're beautiful, or that you're my darling, I'm not using those words lightly, Jim. I understand the cost of them; what they've cost you in the past, and what they'll cost me. You're told you're beautiful, and you think it's going to fade--that you're not going to always be in the sun...that you'll be left behind. When I tell you that you're beautiful, Jim...you _are_ the sun. When I tell you that you're my darling, it's not because of what you've done to make yourself a darling for everyone else--not only that, at least. It's who you are, who you've shaped yourself to be by all that's happened before. When I take your hand...when I kiss your skin, it's not because I want you so badly I can't stand it. I've wanted you that way for years, Jim, without taking those liberties. When I tell you that I will do whatever it takes--will wait however long you need to wait to make you comfortable, I need you to trust me. To believe me. Because I would give you everything you asked of me, my darlin', and if this happens? It's gonna mean you an' I for as close to forever as you'll give me." 

Jim had tears on his lashes, his breathing catching slightly in his throat, but he forced each breath out until they were even enough, urging Leonard up and leaning their foreheads together, simply sharing air, because a kiss was both too much and not enough after those words. The care and worship that Leonard had given him made Jim feel like a supernova was taking place in his chest, the joy and wonder enough to collapse his world, and build himself a new one. Leonard recognized the expression, and knew the feeling well. 

Stroking his fingers over Leonard's cheek, Jim breathed slowly, sinking into the sensation of simply being there. "I love you, Bones." Jim murmured, smiling as Leonard cupped his jaw, the look in his hazel eyes as bright and stunning as a sunrise. 

"I love you, too, darlin'."


	8. Honey, Just Put Your Sweet Lips On My Lips (Like Real People Do)

They'd bought one of the party rooms of their favourite Chinese restaurant, and when they'd shown up, they'd been soundly scolded for having the audacity to pay for the room, and watching Jim slowly being brow-beaten into something resembling sheepishness by a human woman who was probably old enough to be Jim's great-grandmother and about the size of Keenser was a memory that Leonard ear-marked to cherish in the future. 

"I did not save the world." Jim hissed in frustration, and as she slid into the room behind Leonard, Uhura offered Jim a pitying smile. 

"You kind of...did." Patting his cheek, Uhura slid into a chair at the large, circular table, Chekov darting in to sit next to her with a boyish grin, hands already reaching to spin the platform in the middle that would allow them to share their meal in the proper Chinese fastion. "You two look well rested," she commented lightly, and Leonard simply smiled at her, giving nothing away to the assessing gaze flicking over him and Jim both. 

"Bones has been whooping me back into shape." Jim assured her, and Uhura turned a raised brow on Leonard that he refused to acknowledge, instead clapping Scotty on the arm and accepting it when the Scotsman pulled him into a hug. "Scotty! I've been trying to comm you!" Jim sounded excited in a way that should have been limited to small children, but Leonard had to smile at it anyway. 

"I didn't know..." Scotty began, then stopped short, drawing himself up to his full height, "I wanted to find a way to apologize--" 

"Apologize for _what_?" Jim asked incredulously. Leonard ducked his head slightly to hide from all assessment as the scene unfolded. Jim had been agonizing over how to make right what he'd done to Scotty; had been sure that the engineer had come to hate him for having first turned his back, then knocked him out--Leonard had known better. Scotty was not the kind of man to hold grief against a man, and he was more than smart enough to know that Jim had been neglecting to deal with his grief. 

"For not takin' yer place...for not goin' in--" 

"Mr. Scott," Jim cut him off again, reaching out so that he had both Scotty's arms in his hands, one step away from a hug that Leonard knew he wouldn't initiate until he'd made his point, "you owe me no apology--I owe you one. For not listening to your better judgement, and for...for clocking you how I did. I'm sorry. I wish that I'd seen another way--" 

"Ya mad bastard, I'da gone in with ya." 

Jim smiled, a fondness in the glint of his blues, "I'd figured you might." 

Clapping Scotty on the arm instead of pulling him into the hug, Jim ushered him in, greeting Sulu and Spock next, then Carol Marcus and Christine Chapel. 

"How has it been going, Len?" Christine asked, voice tinged with concern. 

"He's been doing well," Leonard answered easily, "no truly averse side-effects so far." 

"He's lying, I've started speaking in tongues." Jim cut in, grinning as he slid into the chair next to Leonard's, taking his hand. 

"Delusions of grandeur?" Christine made taking in their clasped hands obvious, and she smiled, but not in the least unkindly. 

"No delusion necessary, I've seen him throwing his weight around trying to get the damn ethics board off my back." Leonard grumbled, knowing that the smile he wore with that grumble was out of place. 

"An ethics board?" Spock sounded actually curious from where he sat between Chekov and Carol. 

"I've just about managed to get them where I want them." Jim told them with an evil-mastermind tone to his voice. 

"The less I know, the better." Leonard sighed, and Christine laughed outright, as did Uhura. 

"That seems like a common theme for you, Doctor McCoy." Carol commented, eyes bright with amusement. 

"I think it's a tune anyone who comes into Jim's orbit has to learn fast." Jim rolled his eyes at that, but squeezed Leonard's fingers affectionately. 

"Jim, does he smile like that often? I'm concerned his face may break." Sulu observed, putting on a mask of contrived concern. 

Jim adopted the look as much as he could while he was failing to fight his own grin, looking over at Leonard as if he was analysing the expression. "It's the doctor-mandated week of smiling so that my face doesn't get stuck that way." Leonard told him gruffly, and Jim laughed more at the look on Sulu's face than at the line. "Only happens once every seven years." 

"It's a good look for you, Doctor." Carol complimented softly, and though she was smiling, it was the smile of someone out of place; someone surrounded by a family that she was not a part of. Considering all that had happened, Leonard supposed that was somewhat to be expected, but he did feel a stab of regret for it. 

"Why thank you, Doctor Marcus." Leonard drawled, "Maybe it wouldn't be such a hardship every seven years if I had a pretty, blue-eyed blond to smile back at me." 

Jim leaned his shoulder into Leonard's, "I am wholly and entirely depressed that I am not pretty enough for you." 

Uhura clucked her tongue, "Jim, you're very pretty. Leonard, I know he is a flirt, but you may need to never flirt again. He's fragile." 

Leonard smiled, shaking his head as he wrapped an arm around Jim’s shoulders and squeezed gently, “Nah, he knows I’m his.” 

Jim blushed slightly, grinning, and Uhura sighed dramatically, rolling her eyes to Scotty, "They're going to be insufferable." 

"Ach, the _pining_ was insufferable. This'll be worse." Scotty rolled his eyes as well, and Uhura and Christine both giggled. "Kiddin' aside, I'm happy for you both." Scott addressed Leonard and Jim for that, toasting them, and to Leonard's quiet surprise, Spock mimicked the gesture first as it was copied around the table. 

"Thank you.” Leonard and Jim murmured simultaneously. 

Jim leaned into Leonard's side more firmly, settling into the easy banter between his crew in a way that sent Leonard's instincts on edge, because he should have been joining in on it. Jim poured them each a tea when the pot arrived, and Leonard nudged him gently, wondering why he was so quiet. Jim looked over at him, leaning into him, kissing his cheek quick enough for only Uhura to take notice of it. She smiled softly at them, and Leonard felt himself blush slightly, the weight of Jim against him a comfort as Christine cracked a joke that had Chekov and Scotty nearly in tears, the camaraderie between them all dragging Carol into the fold. 

"How has recovery progressed, Doctor?" Spock inquired seriously, and Leonard gave Jim a gentle squeeze. 

"Recovery has been promising. Jim has mostly regained his strength, though his sleeping patterns differ from normal--which is certainly not a bad thing, in and of itself." Jim elbowed him gently, grinning, and Leonard chuckled, "Thus far, there have been no ill-effects of the serum beyond an apparent increase in metabolism." 

"He's trying to fatten me up so there's more of me to love." Jim scoffed, and Leonard snorted, rolling his eyes. 

"You two are terrible." Carol laughed. 

"Are you sure you want to get adopted by this family? We're all just as bad as mom and dad over there." Sulu asked with apparent seriousness. 

"It's a good family." Carol insisted, her complete sincerity bleeding through, and Leonard found himself liking her just that little bit more. "Doctor McCoy--" 

"None of that, Doctor Marcus," Leonard interrupted smoothly, "my name is Leonard, you can feel free to call me Len." 

Her expression was that of someone who'd been given a gift; a casual acceptance into the fold was something that she may never have thought she would receive with this crew. 

"Then I must insist that you call me Carol, though if you call me by any of the nicknames I've had over the years, it's a good way to get punched." 

Leonard laughed at that assertion, and Jim nudged him, proud. "Fair enough. Truth to tell, I kinda hated Len or Leo when people first started callin' me those." 

"The name Leonard does seem somewhat odd. Is it a family name?" 

"Yeah, actually. My grandfather." Leonard replied, and Jim subtly tensed when he realised Leonard wasn't lying. Leonard Grimm had been a lovely, laughing, jovial man, which made Leonard McCoy's general grumpiness feel nearly disingenuous. "He was a good man--a paediatrician. One of the best." Carol smiled at him, encouraging him to go on, but Leonard shook his head, the sadness in his expression enough to warn the others off of the subject. They ordered, and Leonard settled into the unlikely family settling in with way too much food and nowhere near enough time for them all to truly catch up. Jim was reserved--nearly silent in the cacophony of them all together, sitting back and observing; laughing with them or at them, and though Leonard wasn't precisely panicked about Jim simply sitting back with him, he had to note that the adding that concern to the worry of Jim's refusal to allow unexpected touch was adding up to a mountain of trouble that he wasn't sure how to climb. 

Uhura caught his eye, and Leonard twitched an eyebrow upwards in question, even if they didn't have the same silent way of having entire arguments in a look. Her gaze cut to Jim and back, a furrow of concern appearing between her brows, and Leonard nodded subtly, more than a little perturbed that it had gotten bad enough for anyone else to notice. 

Jim was watching, though, and even if he'd missed all of Leonard's contribution to this silent exchange, he'd caught Uhura's concern, and turned in his arms to look at Leonard. "I'm fine, Bones." Jim whispered softly. 

Leonard pressed a kiss to the middle of his forehead, holding him more securely in his arms, and Uhura picked up an argument with Sulu that they'd had several times over, Leonard tempted by the suspicion that she only did it to distract anyone else from noticing them. "We love you," Leonard whispered in his ear, and Jim's features softened, "can't lose you. Not even to you, darlin'." 

The loud, rowdy lot of them had eaten through a plainly shocking amount of food, and the restaurant was deserted enough to look as though it was closing down around them, but Leonard had a sneaking suspicion that none of them were about to be politely kicked out, as they should have been. As if hearing this thought, Sulu sat back, his smile huge even tinged with sheepishness, "I think I've gotta call it a night, guys. Demora'll have my head if I'm not there to give her a goodnight kiss." 

Jim chuckled, "Yeah, I'm kind of wiped myself." 

Leonard was careful not to react to that assertion, but when Uhura pinned him with her gaze and even Spock became concerned, Leonard let himself be worried, and promised himself that they would deal with the problem, whatever it was, starting when they got home. None of the crew seemed to really want to protest the dissolution of the group, and Jim did accept a hug from Uhura and Scotty both, but it wasn't enough to waylay the growing panic within Leonard that the line Jim had fed him about waiting for the other shoe to drop was simply something to pacify Leonard into not pushing further. Jim and he had become insular in a way that Jim should have been chafing at, but as Jim said his goodbyes, Leonard replayed the last few weeks in his head, realising that it wasn't Leonard warding the world away so much as it really was Jim, feeding into his usual predilection for quiet in a way that Jim usually reviled. 

As they walked towards the apartment hand in hand, Leonard debated how to broach this; how to find a way not to startle Jim into pulling away from him, too. "You are Uhura are worried about me." Jim broke their silence as Leonard kicked himself for letting things get this far, "You don't need to be. Either of you. I'm..." Jim broke off, and Leonard stopped, pulling gently to get Jim to face him, "this isn't healthy, I know that, but you have to understand, Bones; when I came back from Tarsus, all I had was my ability to rebel. I used the partying and the fighting and fucking to--" 

"To prove to yourself that you were alive." Leonard filled in softly, an understanding washing over him that he hated, "An' now...you're pulling away from all that after you really did die. Why's that, darlin'?" 

"This is the least healthy thing you will ever hear come out of my mouth, but...I've got you. You're solid. You're the signal that I'm not actually dreaming. I’ll be the first to admit that I’m a social creature...but mentally, I feel like I’ve managed to exhaust myself in a way that I don’t want to play pretend to cover up. I just want to rest, with you, and let the world get on with it for as long as I can get away with."

Leonard went quiet in the wake of that admission, pulling Jim with him as he started walking again, Jim leaning slightly into his side now, equally as pensive in his silence, "Tell me how to help you, kid." Leonard finally requested, though the husk of his voice was very nearly a beg. 

"I...I don't know how you can, Bones. You're already helping me, more than I can say." Leonard relinquished his hand in order to pull Jim under his arm, the rhythm of their steps not faltering at all, and Jim wrapped his arms around Leoanrd's waist, tucking himself there as if Leonard was his protection against the world. "I'm sor--"

"Don't you dare, darlin'," Leonard cut him off, "take all the time you need, just...promise me you'll tell me what's goin' on in that head of yours sometimes? I don' care if you don't wanna go out anymore, not really. Just that you're not suffering through somethin' in silence while I get to soak up all the time alone with you I can, oblivious that you need more." 

"It's...hard to put to words..." 

"Yeah, I know it is, from the other side. You know I don't like goin' out, not like you do. But it gets to a point where I have to go back out there in order to...to reset. To let myself know that there are good people in the world, and I'm not alone." Jim looked over at him, and Leonard could tell from his features that he'd managed to encompass the antithesis of Jim's problem; that Jim needed to stay in now, to get to know himself better, to build himself back up. "You do a lot for remindin' me of the good in the world, darlin', so take as much time as you need, with or without me, because I won't begrudge you needin' it." 

Jim clung to him slightly, and their stuttered pace resumed, "No, I...I think I need you." 

Leonard brushed his lips over the shell of Jim's ear, "You have me." 

Jim turned to him, his smile huge, leaning up and easing him into a kiss. 

Leonard felt more than heard the approach from his right, and with the ingrained skills of one of the RRTS soldiers, he knew that there was a doorway three steps to ten o'clock which could provide cover. Some small part of him imsisted that cover wasn't necessary, not here, but Leonard had moved them into it, the hand not occupied with Jim's waist reaching back to snatch the camera out of the hands of the paparazzi trying to get the shots, and though he was tempted to simply crush the damn thing, he knew that would not help in the long run. "You need to rethink your choices here, slick." Leonard growled, flipping the camera around and flicking through the photos taken, a growl building steadily as he took in the array. 

Jim's hand clapped onto Leonard's shoulder, squeezing gently, restraining, "Which one do you work for?" Jim asked, sounding resigned. 

"I-I'm freelance." The guy stammered, looking startled that Leonard had managed to move the way he had. 

Jim's hand slid around Leonard's wrist, thumb running over his pulse, "Let me see?" Jim requested, and Leonard handed him the camera, watching as Jim quickly glanced through the photos, deleting several, but sending a couple to himself before deleting the information from the camera. "Go on." Jim urged when he handed the camera back, "And, word to the wise? Work on your stealth." 

Jim slid his hand into Leonard's firmly, pulling him along as the paparazzi ran the other way. "Never understood why folks want to watch other people's lives like that." Leonard growled. 

Shrugging a shoulder, Jim smiled at him, "I think it's a matter of dreaming. People have always wanted to be someone else." 

The vigilance that worked through Leonard heightened, and he pulled Jim into a club down the block from the apartment, Jim's concern evident. "Don't worry, darlin', we're still headed home, just shakin' any tail we might have." Leonard murmured. 

Jim's eyes widened, and he nodded silently, letting Leonard guide him towards a door marked "Private", Leonard pulled them both through the door and Jim just caught a glimpse of the biometric lock on the handle and wondered how the hell Leonard managed this before he was in a tunnel entrance, lights flickering on around them. "What is this place?" Jim asked, completely unashamed of the wonder in his voice as he took in the veritable bunker that stood around them. 

"An insurance plan." Leonard replied, hands sliding into the pockets of his jacket instead of resuming a hold on Jim's. "The walls are reinforced concrete--obviously soundproofed--and are keyed to hide the contents of the bunker if anyone but me manages to access the room." Several guns were lining the one wall; a selection of explosives further up, but it was the contents of the other wall that drew Jim's attention, the reinforced leather of Judge Dredd's uniform sending him very nearly reaching out to touch it. "I have a few bolt-holes like this scattered around. The uniform is reinforced enough that it'd still come in handy...but I will admit that the helmet was kept for the sentimentality of the thing, the Hall of Justice systems are gone, after all." 

"You haven't really told me about...about being Dredd. Just that you got shot." Jim orbited into his space, and Leonard watched as Jim cautiously reached for his hand, easily taking Jim's and tucking them back into his pocket with a small smile. 

"Being Dredd was...it was difficult. There wasn't much life when I was living as him. Just...finding justice. Keeping a hold of the insurmountable work cut out for the people who chose justice. The one I was closest to was Cassandra...she was somethin' else. Had psy abilities enough to read thoughts, which was dangerous enough for me, but I cared about her, which was worse, especially back then. We never talked about it--I wouldn't have let her if she wanted to, and I'm pretty sure she knew that--but she had to have known who I was." 

Jim squeezed his hand gently, "So this leads to the apartment?" 

"Not directly to the apartment, just into the building." Leonard replied, leading Jim into the bunker, past one of the motorcycles he'd favoured when he'd been a Judge, and past the array of emergency rations that he'd regularly swapped out when he'd been planetside. "Up for a walk?" 

Jim grinned, the two of them falling into step, "I'm having a hard time not picturing your ass in those leather pants." 

Leonard laughed openly. "You'll have your work cut out for you if you intend on talking me into puttin' 'em back on without being shot at." 

"Challenge accepted." Jim giggled, practically glowing. 

Letting them into the apartment, Leonard pulled off his jacket, kicking off his boots and putting his keys on the hall table, padding into the apartment and heading over into the kitchen, "Want some tea, darlin'?" 

"Yes, please." Jim agreed, shirking his jacket and shoes, then taking it one step farther as he trailed towards the bedroom, sweeping his shirt over his head and undoing his jeans, sighing as he did. Leonard made them each a cup of tea, trailing Jim into the bedroom to find him sprawled over the end of the bed in a pair of sweatpants that might not have been his and a t-shirt that definitely wasn't. "Thanks. I was gonna come back out, but..." 

"The siren song of being horizontal was just too much to bear?" Leonard asked, voice full of laughter. "You're actually tired?" 

"Little bit." Jim sighed, eyes closed as Leonard deposited the mugs on his bedside table in order to change, too. "It was good to see them all." 

"Yeah, it was. We should do it again before we go back to the black." Leonard agreed, setting his watch on the dresser and pulling his button-up off over his head without bothering to unbutton it. He heard Jim shift on the bed to watch him, and Leonard neglected pulling on another shirt, opting to slide into his sweatpants and move to climb into bed, waiting while Jim dragged himself into place from where he'd let himself drape over both sides. "Maybe a picnic?" 

"Bring the family along?" 

Leonard nodded, easing in beside Jim and stealing a soft kiss before Jim leaned over him to reach one of the mugs. Jim brushed another kiss across the cut of Leonard's cheek as he settled back, curving in as if hugging the warmth. 

"Would you mind...reading to me?" Jim asked, sounding like he was trying not to be embarrassed for asking. 

"What would you like me to read, darlin'?" Leonard replied easily. 

Jim shrugged a shoulder, "Don't care...I just want to listen to your voice for a while." 

Jim settled into his side when Leonard retrieved his PADD, pulling up an ancient science fiction novel that had been old when his grandfather had read it to his mother in her youth, the words familiar enough to be family. Jim didn't fall asleep as he covered chapter after chapter, instead pausing the reading to get them more tea, then something to eat; Leonard picking back up afterwards without prompting, comfortably propped on his side, with Jim's head pillowed in the curve of his waist, the steaming mug of fresh tea resting on Jim's chest as he listened. Finding himself reading nearly to the end of the book before Jim shifted again, sitting up and turning, setting his mug aside and leaning in to kiss Leonard slowly, setting the PADD aside as he urged Leonard over onto his back. 

"Thanks, Bones." Jim whispered against his lips, trailing kisses over his cheek and jaw. Leonard hummed as Jim kissed him squarely again, and as they settled under the covers together, Leonard was more than happy to tuck Jim into his arms. "I like that book." 

"Finish it tomorrow?" 

Jim nodded, burrowing into Leonard's hold and sighing softly, "If you don't mind." 

"I don't mind being your distraction, darlin'." Leonard assured him, "Did it help get you out of your head?" 

Jim smiled, Leonard could feel it against his arm, and nodded. "Thank you." Jim murmured again, raising Leonard's other hand to his mouth, brushing his lips over Leonard's knuckles. 

"I have meetings tomorrow morning. Want me to bring home breakfast?" 

"I've seen your schedule, Bones, you won't be home until, like, one. If they're not feeling like being assholes." 

Leonard laughed, "C'mon, darlin', let me at least pretend that I can come home to you already waiting for me in bed." 

Jim chuckled, nudging back into him playfully, despite his eyes remaining closed and his breathing slowing down. "You know what? You wear the leather pants, and I will promise you that me staying in your bed won't be your problem."


	9. Like an Atmosphere Around Me (How Big, How Blue, How Beautiful)

Jim squinted slightly in the blazing sunlight, sitting next to Boyce in the park as if there was nothing out of the ordinary. Leonard had received the comm only twenty minutes ago, and he'd made his way halfway across town as if the hounds of hell were at his heels. 

"Bones!" Jim greeted, grinning at him, though it didn't quite reach his eyes. 

"Hey, kid, you look like Hell warmed over." Boyce greeted him next, not bothering to plaster on a smile. 

"What happened?" Leonard managed around the panic squeezing the air out of his lungs. 

Jim took a slow breath, "Khan and the others have been seized as evidence...against you." Jim finally told him, words weighed carefully. "I haven't been able to find where they've been moved to...and going public with the information isn't an option, or the 'Fleet would have us anyway. I'm still trying, but..." 

"I have what we'd need." Leonard provided, and Boyce heaved a sigh, disapproval set into every line of his face. "Do I need to come up with an exit strategy?" 

Jim shook his head once, "Not just yet." Jim stood, "I'm still fighting." Linking their fingers together, "But there's something else we've gotta talk about, Bones." Boyce stood, falling into step with them from Leonard's other side, though he neglected to start holding hands. 

"Why do I feel like I'm being politely led to my execution?" Leonard grumbled, and Jim rolled his eyes, sighing. 

"Sarge's tests came back...there is an organic agent in his system." Boyce sighed, sounding older than his own years--possibly older than Leonard's. 

"The prodigy," Leonard gave a sigh of his own, "did he share his work that you know of, Jim?" 

Jim shook his head, looking pensive, "I can't find anything like that...but there's one other person who could've known, who he might've told." 

Leonard's steps faltered, and Jim's stony features were enough to confirm his suspicions of who that other person might've been. "He's--how--Maybe his notes?" 

Boyce shook his head, "Because of the lists, he'd encrypted the datafiles he'd had on him so that only his exact genetic markers could open them. The files they saved from the fire wouldn't open because of it." Jim had halted them, looking confusedly at Boyce, "Chris told me when I was assigned as your primary doctor...and I looked into your full medical files, to see what I could--what I could clue Leonard in on without giving it away before he became your physician." 

"Which was basically nothing I hadn't already known." Leonard supplied, and Boyce rolled his eyes at him with more drama than either Pike or Jim had ever managed. 

" _Anyway_ , I looked into the full reports, and those included the details of the fire and what little they could piece together from what it left." 

“No way did looking into my medical history—“ 

“Chris may have found me fuming and decided to give me access to the further report in order to calm me down.” Boyce shrugged, "But my point is that his notes wouldn't be accessible unless he was there to open them. 

Jim's hand shook slightly in Leonard's, and Leonard was sorely tempted to pull him into his arms and give in to the instinct to protect. "Kodos the Executioner could be alive..." 

"This is wild speculation at best," Leonard began, though the curl of instinct in his gut told him that no, it fit all that had come before in their lives that the bastard would be alive and well, "if you can find where those notes are in the 'Fleet systems, we might trace them back to--" 

Jim looked over at him and Leonard subsided into silence, trying to remain a bastion of hope that the world they were in was not one in which a true, human monster had escaped all justice; a world in which it was possible that the 'Fleet had allowed that monster to escape all justice, and may have helped him do it. 

"Don't take this the wrong way, Jim, but I'd honestly feel better not knowing." Boyce sighed, shaking his head. 

Jim and Leonard exchanged a look, silently acknowledging that neither of them even had the luxury of wishing that. If Kodos had survived, had been released to live his life, then Leonard knew without a shadow of a doubt that he would hunt the man down. Setting aside the training ingrained from his years as Joseph Dredd, he would hunt the man who did so much damage to so many people down and make him pay for what he'd done. For the destruction he'd wrought. 

The heaviness of the air around them was oppressive in its silence, and Boyce broke off from them before long, their silent goodbyes hollow with the looming dread of what could be. Leonard and Jim continued to wander, their feet leading them nowhere in particular in the hopes of finding themselves back in a world in which things made sense again. “We have to find them.” Jim murmured at last. 

“If only to make sure no other idiot doctor tries to recreate the serum,” Leonard agreed, “because Lord knows I’m not the only one who could.” 

Jim slowed, turning to Leonard, “If we have to run, where would you want to go?” 

Leonard was thoughtful for only a minute, because he’d already considered this; had considered this both with himself alone running, and with Jim, “I own a few properties...I was thinkin’ that we could sell them and get a ship of our own. If you wanted.” The offer was quiet, but steady, and Jim looked as if he was gobsmacked at the idea. “Earth’ll always be home, but you belong up there. I know you do.” 

Jim looked as though he were about to cry, squeezing Leonard’s hand with a choked gratitude written over his features. “What about where you belong?” 

Leonard shot him a worried look, “Kid, I belong with you.” 

Jim pulled a face, "Now _that_ was downright mawkish, Bones. For shame." 

Leonard found himself laughing, yanking Jim into his arms and kissing him deeply, uncaring at that point if their image wound up in some tabloid, just so long as he got to kiss Jim Kirk senseless. 

"Let's go home." Jim hummed, "We can watch a holo and use each other as distraction techniques." 

Leonard's comm went off on the wings of that thought, and Jim whined as he released Leonard enough to let him answer it. "McCoy." 

_"Leonard, it's Doctor Qu'elna with the--"_

"I know who you are, Tim." Leonard cut him off, "What's goin' on? Why the official call?" Leonard knew why the official call, really; it was a call that he'd never wanted to receive. 

_"Jocelyn, Clay, and Joanna have been in an accident."_ Leonard was fairly sure that there was more to that sentence, but he couldn't hear it; could only watch Jim take over the call as the ringing in Leonard's ears came to a cresendo that was threatening to take his knees out from under him. Leonard rocked on his feet, but Jim grabbed his arm, steadying as much as he was able to, then changing tact, pushing him towards a tree until he was sitting against its trunk with his head between his knees. 

"Bones." Jim's voice was loud and calculated to pierce through the fog; his blue eyes steely as he stared Leonard down, "Joanna is banged up, but she's gonna be okay." 

Leonard's hands were shaking--his hands were never supposed to shake. He took pride in that--had taken pride in his steadiness from the time he was Reaper. "What?" 

"Joanna's going to be fine. We're going to get back to the apartment, pack a bag, and get on the next shuttle to Georgia. Can you stand for me, love?" 

Leonard felt disconnected, but he was pretty sure he could. He'd stood through wars, after all. 

Jim pulled his arm over his shoulders when Leonard's knees nearly gave again, and he simply got on with it, half-carrying Leonard to their apartment, and depositing him on the bed as Jim yanked out a duffle bag, throwing open drawers and dumping their contents into the bag. "You with me, Bones?" 

Leonard nodded, but Jim wasn't watching, and Leonard decided that since he couldn't make his tongue work, he was going to stick with the 'no' inherent in his silence. 

Jim started talking, but Leonard realised, dimly, that it wasn't actually directed at him, it was simply noise for him to focus in on until he was better equipped to process what was being said, "We'll have to get new shaving supplies down there, I think we're both about due for a change. Though I'm also tempted to neglect to buy you a new kit just to see what you look like with a beard. Then again, I think I already know how hot you'd be, and I'd be loathe to have you clean-shaven again." Jim prattled on as he zipped up the bag, looking up at Leonard once he had, and moving to kneel before him, taking his hands. "I've got you." 

"You always do." Leonard croaked, and Jim nodded, leaning forwards to press a kiss to the back of each hand. 

"Jocelyn is in intensive care, and Joanna hasn't woken up yet...let's get you to her before she does, huh?" 

Leonard took Jim's hand more firmly, pulling himself upright and taking the bag from the end of the bed, slinging it easily over his shoulder. Jim led the way all the way to the shuttle, getting them seated and strapped in and meeting Leonard's eye with a tiny smirk, "I may throw up on ya." Leonard managed, and Jim full-on grinned. 

"You know, these things are pretty safe." Jim replied softly, and Leonard gave his hand a squeeze. 

"I don't have my flask." Leonard admitted. 

Jim slid a hand into his pocket, drawing out the familiar, banged-up accessory, "Hidden in your sock drawer. Could you be any more cliche?" 

"Oh, I think I could probably find a way." Leonard groused. He carefully kept any panic from his features, because the flask was not the only thing hidden in his sock drawer, and Leonard was a little concerned that at this point Jim finding the other object in his drawer was even on the list of his worries before he dismissed the reaction as some distant reflex. Jim smirked at his attempt at his normal grump, taking a swig and very nearly coughing at the moonshine Leonard had last put in there, courtesy of Scotty's "super-secret" distillery hidden in the very back of Sulu's botany lab. 

"That could peel paint off the Enterprise." Jim wheezed, and Leonard laughed quietly at him, taking a swig of his own and faring much better, if the fact that Jim was tearing up at the burn was anything to go by. 

"Infant."

Jim managed to keep him distracted from both the shuttle ride and the looming fate of his daughter, and when they'd landed in Savannah, Jim had already arranged a cab to the hospital directly, going so far as to lead Leonard directly to Joanna's bedside while the cab waited outside with their bag in the trunk. "I've gotten us a motel room not far from here, I'm just going to drop the bag off, then I'll be back, okay?" Jim asked, smoothing Leonard's hair back and kissing his forehead as if he was the child laying in a hospital bed. 

"I'll be okay, darlin'. Just...come back as soon as you can?" 

"Of course." Jim promised on a whisper, and left Leonard to his vigil. 

"Hey, pumpkin," Leonard murmured, reaching to take Joanna's small hand in his, the cast wrapped around it. They'd seen a doctor already, but most of the words said to him hadn't stuck; lost in the need to see his daughter, in the need to read over her chart for himself and take care of her, "there's someone I want you meet. I think you'll like 'im. He's gotten your daddy through a lot." 

Leonard hadn't gotten more than a few days with his daughter since she was two; now, with her at five, on the cusp of six, Leonard ached for how much time had been lost. 

"You gotta wake up, though, sweetheart." Leonard urged, "He's not nearly so charming to listen to, I think it has something to do with watching a grown man have that much childlike enthusiasm." 

"Says the mean, old troll," came the sardonic reply, and Jim was back, though it'd only felt like minutes since he'd left. 

Leonard reached out for Jim with his other hand, the warm, firm grip a reminder that he had beaten death away from someone he loved before, and would do it again if he had to. Jim stood beside him for long minutes before Leonard realised that he was standing, getting up to find a second chair for Jim to wait with him. Jim nearly pushed him back into his seat, but Leonard only barely took notice, hustling Jim out of the way in order to get a second seat in place. Jim sat, the chairs close enough that he could lean his head against Leonard's shoulder, and Leonard could rest his cheek against Jim's halo of blond hair. "She's so big." Leonard whispered, choked. Jim didn't reply, turning his head to press a kiss to Leonard's shoulder, his grip on Leonard's hand tight enough that Leonard ached for gratitude of the silent support that Jim didn't hesitate to provide. Joanna's arm was in a cast, the other in a brace for a dislocated shoulder; her left eye had been blackened, and her lip split, a smattering of cuts darkening her pale skin. She was too pale, Leonard realised; too pale by half, laying in that bed. She was bigger than Leonard remembered her, and yet the bed made her seem so small to what he knew she should be. 

Jim gave him as much comfort as he could, staying obstinately by his side. Leonard learned that Clay had been dead on arrival; that Jocelyn was injured badly enough that the doctors didn't believe she would pull through the night...and that investigations had indicated that the accident was caused by Clay. That for whatever reason, he'd taken complete manual control of the car...and had driven it into a wall. The doctors just needed Joanna to come out of the coma; her injuries severe enough that the question of her waking was still a goddamned question, but if she did wake up, that was a sign that they were in the clear and she would heal. 

A little more than an hour later, a nurse came in with the osteoregenerator, running it over her pelvis and monitoring the biobed for any fluctuations in her pulse or brain activity, cementing the fix they'd done earlier before starting on her arm. Empirically, Leonard knew that regens still took time and depended on the strength of the person they were healing, but he wanted his little girl to be whole more than he could articulate. As if sensing this, Jim caught the nurse's eye with a flash of the baby blues and a smile, making the kind of inquiries of the woman that Chapel would have known to brush off with a simple "we're doing everything we can", but Jim was always compelling enough to break the rules for unless you knew how to resist him. As with most hospitals, the nurses knew more about their patients than the doctors did most of the time, and from this nurse, Jim gleaned a fuller picture of what had happened to Leonard's baby girl.

As they watched over the sleeping child, Leonard became aware that he was beginning to worry that losing Joanna was the cost of bringing back Jim, and the thought made him choke once it'd fully surfaced. "Bones?" Jim called softly, waiting until Leonard had turned his hunted gaze onto Jim's features, "She's gonna be okay." 

Jim couldn't know that--no one could know that--but the steady, sure way that he said it made Leonard believe, if only a little, that Jim would be proven right about this. The kid was a damned know-it-all for everything else, after all. 

Jim produced his PADD from within a pocket of his jacket--which Leonard realised was actually _his_ jacket, but it wasn't like that made much difference, or that it ever had before. "I know pulling you out of your head is a big ask right now, Bones, but will you read to us?" As simply as that, Jim proffered a lifeline to focus himself on, and Leonard was coherent enough to seize it with both hands, finding himself looking at another ancient bit of sci-fi, a smile threatening at his lips, "Think you're up for it?" Jim asked teasingly. 

Leonard raised his gaze back to Jim's, and he could see there the anxiousness, the worry, and the hope that he knew his own features wore. His eyes filled as he saw Jim harbouring hope for his daughter; fighting for him to be able to find something resembling steady ground. _'Thank you.'_ Leonard managed to mouth, unable to bring sound to the words, and Jim shook his head once, moving to put the PADD away before Leonard squeezed his hand and released it, taking the PADD from his grip and forcing his throat to clear as he turned to the opening lines.


	10. Enough Fire In His Eyes to Keep Me Warm (It Feels Like Me and You)

Leonard was dimly aware that he was being managed. 

Jim had called in reinforcements three days before; Nyota, Carol, and Christine arriving promptly after that and bullying him into showering while Jim innocently took up his place in the vigil, promising that Joanna would not, under any circumstance, wake alone. 

To be honest, Leonard was thankful that Gaila, the fourth of the unholy alliance, was busy helping Scotty rebuild the Enterprise and could only comm and tell him ridiculous stories while Christine and Nyota forced him to sit down to a meal not consumed by Joanna's bedside. When he got back to Joanna's room after the first time they'd bullied him out of it, he walked in to find a cot set up beside Joanna's bed, Carol and Jim setting it up with his things. Until then, the hospital staff had not been at all receptive to Leonard's insistence that he stay with his little girl at the sacrifice of his health--and when question, Jim blinked at him, gesturing to Carol, who smiled sweetly and blithely informed him that he was not the only doctor susceptible to a pretty, blue-eyed blonde. Leonard gave a disbelieving laugh, and Jim and Carol knocked their forearms together in a silent salute of solidarity, both with a victorious gleam in their blue eyes. 

It was two days after three of the four harbingers of the apocalypse appeared that Joanna finally woke. Jim was sitting by her bedside while Leonard slept in the cot; glasses perched on the bridge of his nose and PADD schematics in his hand, Joanna still managed to know instantly who he was. 

"Captain Kirk!" The squeak was enough not only to get Jim to nearly throw the PADD in shock, but to get Leonard roused from the place between awake and asleep in which he'd been floating. 

Jim beamed at Joanna in a way that Leonard realised he'd only rarely seen, setting the PADD down and standing, the excitement breaking over his features like dawn. "Hey there, Miss McCoy," Jim murmured, voice pitched low and soothing, "you're going to be okay." Jim sounded a little choked up, "Let me get your dad--he's just there sleeping--sound good?" 

Joanna nodded eagerly, her eyes bright as they tracked Jim stumbling slightly towards Leonard who found himself struggling to stand, suddenly exhausted and overwhelmed, but doggedly determined to get to his baby girl. Jim grabbed his hand, yanking him to his feet, and Leonard could only clap a hand to his arm in passing, eyes only for Joanna as he moved to sit on the side of her bed, reaching to brush his hand over her forehead, pushing her hair out of her face. "Hey, pumpkin." Leonard managed, "How're you feelin'?" 

"Really tired." Joanna's eyes had filled with tears, "Can I have a hug?" 

Leonard forced himself to look away from her to the readouts, only for Jim to quietly assure him, "Everything's reading well, Bones." 

Leonard knew Jim knew what he was talking about enough to vouch for that information, and he took the opportunity to wrap his little girl in his arms, pressing a kiss to her hair, nearly sobbing as she broke into tears of her own. "I missed you so much, Daddy." 

"I missed you, too, pumpkin." Leonard managed, hearing Jim intercept the doctors at the door, giving them as long as he could. "I missed you so much, baby." 

Joanna sniffled when Leonard was forced to let her go, and he took her hands, keeping close as the doctors came in, checking her over. Jim went to call the cavalry with the news. Once Joanna was cleared, she sat up, practically flinging herself into his arms, hugging tight. Leonard wrapped around her, resting his cheek against her hair and rubbing a slow, soothing rhythm up and down her back. Jim arrived with water, setting it on the table within easy reach before moving to leave again. Joanna caught his wrist before he could, though, not fully disengaging from the hug, but raising up enough to peer at him, "Hello again, Miss McCoy," Jim murmured softly after a moment, smiling gently. 

Joanna shook her head, "My name is Joanna." 

"I'd be honoured to call you Joanna. Would you call me Jim?" Joanna nodded, settling against her father's shoulder again without tearing her cunning, hazel eyes off of him. 

"Thank you for bringing my daddy." 

"Oh, he would have found a way to get to you without any help from me, Joanna, don't you ever doubt that." Jim assured on a whisper, sinking into the abandoned chair by her bedside. 

"How long can you stay?" 

Leonard drew a breath to answer for them both, but Jim beat him to the punch, "I'll be here for as long as you want...and I'm pretty sure your daddy couldn't be pried away by a Vulcan with a crowbar right about now, so don't worry about that. You enjoy those hugs." 

"I like hugs." Joanna murmured, tired out, and Leonard didn't have to see his face to know that Jim was smiling at her. 

"Your dad might actually give the best hugs in the 'verse." 

Joanna nodded her head slowly, and Leonard got the sense that he was losing her to sleep, but this time, he wasn't scared of her waking. "You c'n stay...." 

"Thanks, peach." Jim whispered, and when she reached for his hand, he happily gave hers a squeeze. They sat suspended like that for long moments before Leonard knew it was safe to lay her back down. He was on his feet and wrapping Jim up in a tear-drenched embrace before he knew what he was doing, Jim threading his fingers through Leonard's hair and a gentling noise falling from his throat. "She's gonna be just fine, Bones." 

Leonard's knees nearly gave out, and Jim shifted, guiding him into the chair, and strangling a squeak as Leonard pulled him into his lap, refusing to disengage the hug. " _Thank you_ , Jim. you've kept me on my feet." 

"Bones, I love you; of course I love her. I'll keep you standing and anything else I have to do in order to make sure you are both healthy and happy." Jim pressed a kiss to his cheek, letting himself settle into the hug, closing his eyes and soaking it in. 

"Do me a favour, darlin'? Never let me go." 

"Oh, can't promise that...Joanna's gonna need these hugs much more than I do. I won't be getting in your way." The gentle teasing brought a grin to Leonard's lips, and he shook his head. "But I can promise you that I don't want to let you out of my arms." 

Chuckling, Leonard released him lightly, tipping his head back to look up at him. "I love you, darlin’.” Jim rested their foreheads together for a minute before shifting as if he was moving to disengage. “What happened to not wanting to let me go?” 

“Joanna might wake up and she probably won’t appreciate me taking up space reserved for her.” Jim laughed wryly. 

Leonard didn’t let him wriggle out of the embrace, looking at him and waiting until Jim finally met his eye, “You can take up space with me, Jim. You can take up space with us. You’re not either of them, kid.” 

Jim’s shoulders drew in slightly, the spark of fear in his gaze twisting painfully in Leonard’s chest. “I won’t let you lose her, Bones. She needs you more than...more than there are words to describe. I won't let either of you down." 

"You never have, and I don't think you ever could." Leonard captured his lips in a fleeting kiss, brushing the pad of his thumb back and forth over the cut of Jim's jaw, "She'll love you just as much as I do. Pretty sure she's already started to, darlin'. The way she's been talking when we comm..." 

Jim sighed, letting himself cling just a little, and Leonard knew Jim's past well enough to know that the anxiety was still riding his shoulders, choking at his throat, and would until Leonard either figured out a way to prove it wrong, or until Jim buckled under the pressure he'd placed himself under. Rubbing over Jim's back and urging him more fully into his embrace, Leonard glanced at the little girl in the bed, the hand not firmly pressed into Jim's back reaching out to take Joanna's hand again. Out of the corner of his eye, Leonard caught sight of a reflection off the glass of Jim's glasses, fallen on the floor by the end of the bed, and Leonard couldn't explain how or why, but he felt in that moment more loved and taken care of than he'd ever felt before. 

"When was the last time you slept, Jim?" Leonard asked, voice husky and tone kept on the hypnotic side of soothing. Jim had been there bullying Leonard into resting, and there when he woke; he'd appeared with food and fresh clothes, and sat and let Leonard read to them both--had talked to Joanna as she'd slept, and helped keep Leonard _sane_ through the long hours of Schrodinger's loss. Jim shrugged in response to the question, and Leonard was grateful, but decidedly not best pleased. "Go have a nap on the cot, darlin'. You've been so busy henpeckin' me into takin' care of myself that you neglected to take care of you, an' while I know this is hypocritical of me, I do not approve." Jim chuckled throatily, but neither of them made a move to actually disengage so that he could go lay down. 

Instead, Leonard reached up, tunnelling his fingers in Jim's hair with a gentle pressure that had him biting back a laugh as Jim let out a strangled noise of pleasure, pushing into the touch. Leonard had never tried to do it one-handed, but if Jim was wearing his glasses in a semi-public place, Leonard knew the headache from his contacts would be bad enough that a fumbling, one-handed attempt at relieving the pressure would be appreciated. 

Jim ducked down as Leonard's fingers moved to the tension sitting in his neck, hiding his face in Leonard's throat and closing his eyes as he let the warmth of Leonard's hands work on his stiff muscles. Jim could get by well enough without his contacts or glasses to get around a familiar area with minimal turmoil, but the fact that Jim was able to call that hospital room familiar terrain was wrenching to Leonard. "Couple more days, at most, and we'll be able to break her out of here and--" Leonard cut himself off, realising he really didn't have a plan. There had been no news about Jocelyn that had reached him, and though he thought he should probably feel badly about not checking in on the mother of his child, he was also under the sneaking suspicion that she would've been irate to know that any information got to him about her wellbeing at all. She'd made it clear that she had no interest in him, and that he should have known better than to ask after her. 

"Jocelyn's prognosis isn't promising," Jim supplied lowly, well-quiet enough not to be heard by the little girl on the bed if she was listening, "her next-of-kin has been called to make a decision about whether or not to keep her on life support. There's no brain activity." 

"Her next-of-kin is her brother," Leonard murmured, heart sinking at the thought of having to face him, "he's going to fight me for Joanna." 

Jim let out a small sound of dismissal, "I'd like to see him try." 

Although Leonard ached to have his daughter in a way that went against all his better instincts, he still had to wonder if it wouldn't be better for her, not to have him and all that came with him. He understood where Jim was coming from, but the weight in his chest was too much for him to really fight, "Jim..." 

"We'll figure it out." Jim promised softly, emerging from his neck enough to look into his eyes, "You want to be her dad, Bones. I know you do. I've known that since the first time I saw you after a comm from her. You adore that little girl. Everything else, we'll figure out. That's all that matters." 

Leonard had to believe him, if only because he was Jim Kirk. 

The quiet settled around them, Leonard knowing that he ought to get Jim lying down, but the weight and warmth of Jim was too comforting for him to convince himself to move. Jim finally pressed his lips to Leonard’s forehead, sliding to his feet with a low groan, stretching slightly. “I’ll get you a coffee, Bones. She’ll be okay to eat?” Leonard nodded, and Jim smiled, “Do you know if cinnamon rolls are still on her list of likes?" 

Leonard shrugged slightly, and Jim smiled, leaning down to peck a kiss to his cheek before stooping to grab his glasses, idly murmuring to himself about scratched lenses as he jogged out of the room. Taking a moment while Jim wasn't there to chase them away, Leonard turned his thoughts to the problem of what he was and what that would mean if he was able to keep custody of Joanna. There was a kernel of hope that Leonard knew he had to label "Jim", quietly telling him that Joanna was smarter and stronger than he had ever been, and that for as much as he bitched to Jim about the little shit expecting him to work miracles, between the two of them that was precisely what they did. Faith wasn't the only thing Leonard would need to get through this, he knew, but it was a place to start. 

Joanna let out a soft squeak, her breathing edging into fear. "Hey, pumpkin," Leonard purred, "it's okay." 

He leaned forward sightly, sliding his fingers into her hair, and Joanna pushed into the contact, still ostensibly asleep. It was a little startling to see, because Jim had always had a sweet-spot for his nightmares wherein Leonard could do the exact same thing and chase them away. Of course, if Leonard missed that window of opportunity, Jim's nightmares could build into full-blown night-terrors, and Leonard prayed to every god he'd ever heard of that Joanna would never have to experience those. Jim's nightmares in the academy had been visceral, but he'd never admitted what they were about exactly. All Leonard knew about them was that Jim clung to him just a little tighter, as if scared of losing him; bright eyes taking in _everything_ they possibly could for the next couple of days, watching Leonard like a hawk and appearing with food and distraction when he thought Leonard needed it. In hindsight, Leonard was willing to operate under the assumption that those dreams had him in the thick of fire on Tarsus; Jim's reaction an obstinate display of caretaking because the idea of Jim losing him in that way was not something Jim would've ever been able to easily take. 

Leonard's thoughts trailed to the first time he'd sat the Kobayshi Maru with Jim; the first time Jim had failed. Jim had gone so quiet in its wake; so pale and desperate when he looked at Leonard. It had been a sim built for failure--and Jim had gotten Leonard to go into it with him. He had to wonder, if he hadn't been acting the part of one of the crew, if Jim wouldn't have cheated to finally beat it. Jim was nothing if not determined, but he'd had better things to do than to chase that damn test, and they'd both known it. 

In the abstract, Leonard wasn't under the assumption that the reaction was due to Jim being in love with him already. Jim had imprinted on Leonard, and to hear him talk, he'd had feelings that early, but Leonard had a sneaking suspicion that Jim would have been that doggedly determined to save the life of anyone he'd loved, any friend he'd brought into that situation with him. 

The scent of coffee and baked goods signalled the arrival of Jim, and Leonard turned his head to see Jim push his way into the room, a smile on his face that indicated that he'd done something to bribe at least one of the nurses, and was being charming about it. "Hey, darlin'." Leonard husked, finding himself fondly smiling back as Jim stooped to press a kiss to his hair. 

"I made an executive decision about your stomach and you have a breakfast sandwich in there because the smell of the food was going to make you hungry." Jim informed him. 

"And what did you get for yourself?" Leonard asked, a little concerned that Jim hadn't bothered, too wrapped up in taking care of his family to take care of himself, yet again. 

"Hashbrowns. I'm not very hungry, and you love them but never finish them, so two birds and one stone." Jim replied, letting Leonard take the bag of goodies and the tray of coffee cups while Jim situated his chair across from Leonard's. 

"Fine...you're stealing half my sandwich." Leonard determined, and Jim chuckled, shaking his head. 

"Just let me take care of you--" 

"You have been, darlin'. More than I should ever have had to ask you to, and I’m sorry for that.” 

“Bones, don’t you dare apologise. What kind of a man would I be if I didn't take care of the people I love most?" 

Leonard's heart gave a slow spin in his chest, the love that welled up within him a choking presence it was so intense. Jim would stand by him, would fight for him, through thick and thin, and he knew that fact above all others. "You're the best man I know, darlin'." Leonard managed, voice gone rough, and Jim's eyes glanced up to his in something like surprise. Leonard leaned forwards, pecking a kiss to the corner of his mouth and briefly nuzzling into Jim's neck. 

"Are you dating my daddy, Captain--Jim?" Joanna asked quietly, her eyes hazy with sleep as she shifted uncomfortably in the bed. Jim reached over deftly while Leonard fumbled, finding the controls for the bed and raising her until she was sitting up. 

"I love your daddy, Joanna. May I date him?" Jim asked softly, and Joanna's features crumbled somewhere between relief and pain. 

"I-I don't like Cl-Clay, and Mama wouldn't--" 

"It's okay, baby girl." Leonard soothed, concerned by the stress, but Jim laid a hand on his shoulder as if to tell him that Joanna needed to get this out. 

"You're the most important person in your daddy's life, Jo--and I love him very much. I will never hurt you, even by making you feel like you're not being heard." 

Jim seemed to have pierced the heart of Joanna's distress at this, and Leonard couldn't stop himself from reaching over the side of her bed and scooping her into his arms, cradling her against his chest as she cried. "Cl-Clay was so _mean_. I hate him!" 

Jim laid a hand against her back, and when she didn't squirm away from the contact, Jim let himself slide over slightly so that his chair and Leonard's were just about side-by-side, Jim's angled slightly behind Leonard's so that he could peek over Leonard's shoulder and catch Joanna's eye. "It's gonna be okay, Jo. It's all gonna be okay." 

After a few minutes, Joanna let Jim and Leonard urge her back against the pillows, accepting a cinnamon roll and the hot cocoa Jim had procured, ignoring Leonard's grumbling just as tacitly as Jim would have. "How are you feeling, pumpkin?" Leonard asked, barely noticing as Jim wrapped his free hand around a cup of coffee and nudged it towards him so that he'd take a sip. 

"Ouchie." 

"Like you've been running for a really long time?" Jim asked sympathetically. Joanna nodded, shy, and Jim smiled, "I know exactly how to help with that." 

"He's been under enough regens to call for that knowledge." Leoanrd grumbled, sounding incredibly resigned, even to himself. 

Joanna snickered, "How're you, Jim? Mama told me that you were in trouble." 

"Your daddy saved me. I'm better than okay." Jim leaned in with a conspiratorial glint, "Now I'm gonna help him save you, okay?" 

Joanna nodded, her eyes bright with tears, and Leonard laid a hand on her shoulder, brushing his thumb over her cheek. "Where is Mama?" Joanna asked, and Leonard could hear, in the way her voice caught on the words, that Joanna already knew the answer to that question, even if she was loathe to hear it. 

Jim and he shared a glance; Jim wondering if he should give them some privacy and Leonard silently asking Jim what he should do to tell his daughter that her mother may not make it. Joanna looked between them, and her features crumbled, tears coming fresh, clawing their way into sobs that wracked her tiny frame. She launched herself between them, wrapped around Leonard but holding onto Jim with one small fist in his shirtsleeve. When Leonard glanced at Jim a few moments later, he caught the flash of confusion that Joanna would be holding onto him, too, and felt himself ache all over again that there was a war raging on within the love of his very long life; one side trying to be steady for them both, while the other, he had no doubt, was whispering the things that Winona and Frank and impressed into his psyche. Things about whether he was any good, whether he was worthy of love and attention. Leonard had been trying to find the exact shape of those lies, had been trying to fight them out, for years--but it was like fighting shadows. Every time he felt he gained ground, he found a new way in which the abuse and neglect of his childhood had created a crack in the foundations of Jim Kirk. 

"We're gonna get out of here as soon as your doctors come in for the day." Leonard promised when the tears had turned to hiccups, but that was as far as he got before he realised all Jim and he had managed to do was get a motel room that hadn't really seen either of them. 

After the divorce, Leonard had sold the property that he'd owned in Georgia, leaving a home he'd built for decades before he'd assumed the identity of Leonard McCoy before being swept back to the home he'd started building when he was still Joseph Dredd. He had nowhere to take his daughter that was his anymore. 

"You'll like the house I've found, Joanna." Jim told her quietly, steadily, as if this was something that he'd already brought up to Leonard. At the look of confusion, Jim smiled slightly, shaking his head to indicate that he'd explain later. 

"Did you call me 'peach' before?" Joanna asked, turning her head towards Jim, who helpfully leaned forward so that she could see him between Leonard's arm and her curtain of hair. 

"I might've done. Sorry, I have a bad habit of giving people nicknames. I call your daddy 'Bones'." 

Joanna wrinkled her nose, "Why 'Bones'?" 

"Because he's the part that gives all the other parts structure and purpose, and without him, I'd be a lump on the floor." Joanna's wrinkled nose escalated into a squawk of disgust, and Leonard snorted, scowling with no real heat at all. Jim smiled, reaching to move her hair back, "I won't call you 'peach' if you don't want me to." He promised. 

"Why would you call me 'peach'?" 

"Because you're your daddy's favourite." Jim told her as if shocked that she hadn't figured it out, and Joanna let out a watery giggle, the fear held at bay because Jim Kirk was ridiculous. 

"You can call me 'peach'." Joanna told him shyly, and Jim looked as if he'd been given the greatest gift possible. 

"Thank you." Jim murmured, rubbing his hand over her back. 

Leonard nudged her gently, "You're lucky--I didn't get a choice." 

"You suffer from a terminal case of fun-deficiency, Bones, if I gave you a choice, I never would've been able to raise your levels back to human standards of fun. Once the levels rise back up, peach, then the patient becomes more receptive to fun, of course." 

"Of course!" Joanna agreed, grinning. She was slowly letting herself out of clinging to her father, the brightness in her eyes and her smile making something within him ease exponentially. "Do you have a special nickname?” 

Jim’s ears coloured slightly, and Leonard answered for him because he knew Jim wasn’t about to admit to something that personal. “I call him darlin’, baby girl, but I think you can do better than that.” 

Joanna smiled happily, the grinned mirrored on Jim’s mouth. 

While Leonard was filling out discharge papers, Jim sat with Joanna, happily playing a puzzle game on his PADD with her, the happy sounds of their game filtering through the open doorway, the nurses lurking as he filled out the forms grinning in response to the joy. "You done good, doc." A familiar voice told him, dripping with fondness as Margot Mendes leaned against the counter beside him, her jet-black hair shorter than ever and her smile just as teasing. "He's pretty." 

"Down, girl." Leonard growled, teasing. "How's it been, Maggie?" 

She punched him in the shoulder just hard enough to hurt, and Leonard snorted, "You would _know_ if you fucking _commed me_ , you asshole!" 

"Stop hitting me, you're supposed to be healing people, not hurting them--or is this how your patients all make miraculous recoveries?" 

"How should I know, I'm just some little nurse?" She asked, voice dripping with a well-disguised ire as she batted her eyelashes at him. 

"You're kidding. Who's the idiot?" Leonard demanded, his back straightening and his fist clenching at his side unconsciously. 

"Oh, he'll be no one in about two months' time." Margot promised, tone suddenly innocent. 

"Eviscerate him, my dear." Leonard gave a slow, predatory grim that had never failed to make Margot giggle. "You wanna go see Jo?" 

"Of course I want to visit my princess--but first, you have to introduce me to your prince charming." 

"He knows nothing of my wild past trailing in the wake of your chaos and destruction." 

"So introducing him to your wild past is something you'd prefer I avoid?" Margot murmured gently. 

"Gods, no, dear; tell him all the gory details, he might stop trying to debauch me." 

Margot flicked a gaze over him that was more cutting than a stiletto knife, "Are you kidding? You're so pretty when you're debauched." With an over-the-top salacious wink, Margot headed for Joanna's hospital room, Leonard following obediently after her, the idle speculation of what Jim would make of the woman who had been his favourite nurse painting an impish grin over his features. 

"Aunt Mags!" Joanna cried, throwing her arms open with a huge grin. 

"Jojo, darling!" Margot responded dramatically, throwing her arms open and suppressing a grunt as Joanna leapt off the bed into her arms. "By gods, girl, you've gotten so big!" 

"Jim Kirk, this is Margot Mendes, she used to be my head nurse--Marge," she hated that nickname with a blazing passion and made that clear in her glare, "this is Jim Kirk, captain of the Enterprise and love of my life." 

"Lovely to meet you, Margot." Jim murmured respectfully, clearly taking in the death-glare and acting appropriately respectful of it. When Jim took Margot's hand to shake, she pressed a kiss to the back of his hand, turning her most siren-like of smiles on him. 

"Jim Kirk as in the man who saved Earth twice?" Margot put on an air of being impressed. 

"I wouldn't say that." Jim murmured, the colour in his ears beckoning a grin to his lips. 

"Oh? And what would you say?" 

"That...I didn't..." 

"Maggie, could you release his hand from your death grip? I think you might actually be scaring 'im." 

Maggie flicked a look up and down Jim, her smile no less predatory, though she allowed the edges to soften slightly as she released her grip. "It's a pleasure to meet you, Captain." 

"Likewise, Margot." Jim replied, tone carefully friendly. He glanced at Joanna as if for reassurance, and she smiled sunnily. "Now, I hope you'll like these; I had the most fabulous women I know pick them out for you, and I figured you'd like to get out of here in style." 

Jim brought up a small bag of supplies, unzipping it to reveal a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, a miniature leather jacket that looked an awful lot like Leonard's favourite. Joanna looked from the clothes to Jim with such shining joy that Leonard couldn't help but laugh. "I love them, Jim! Thank you!" 

"No worries, peach." Jim replied, voice thick with fondness, "Let's get you changed and take you home, huh?"


	11. I'm Standing Here Until You Make Me Move (Hanging By a Moment Here With You)

"Remember when I told you about Bettany Miller?" Jim asked when Leonard cornered him about the house, "I've...been sending her the majority of my salary. She...bought us the house." The last was said in such a rush that for a moment, Leonard wasn't sure Jim wasn't actually speaking in tongues. 

"Wait--what?" 

"I told Bettany how much it sucked when you came back here for that Christmas a couple years ago...and asked her to look at getting you a place to see Joanna. She was looking at leaving Riverside to start her own place here anyway, so she’s been using the house, but...it’s ours.” Jim’s ears were an unlikely shade of red, and he wouldn’t meet Leonard’s eye as he tripped the words out of his mouth. 

“You—“ Leonard choked slightly, clearing his throat and taking a deep breath, “you bought a house for me to use when coming to see my daughter?” 

“I’m sorry, I know I—“ 

“Stop.” Leonard ordered, holding up a hand, “You an’ me are gonna have a long, frank conversation regarding your investment choices, but for now...Thank you. That is the best gift you could have given me—that anyone could give me, and while you very seriously _should not have done it_ , I know your heart was in charge of this foolheadedness, not your head.” Leonard leaned in, stealing a kiss for as long as he dared when Maggie was helping Joanna change in the next room. "I love you, Jim Kirk. My darlin'," Jim shuddered as Leonard kissed a line from the corner of Jim's mouth down to the base of his throat. "I love you." 

"I love you, too." Jim managed, his smile enough to stop a truck. 

The door opened, Joanna running into Leonard's arms excitedly. Jim chuckled, a look of such complete joy taking over his features as Joanna twisted and hugged his legs, too. Jim stooped slightly, managing to get one arm around her and lifting her up braced just like that, grinning as she wrapped them both in a hug at the new altitude. Carefully neglecting to offer to take Joanna to see Jocelyn, because Leonard had barely been able to look at her without crying, the new family moved through the hospital, Maggie in tow, claiming she was going to provide emotional support when really Leonard figured she wanted to make sure Jim wasn't going to turn out like Jocelyn had. 

Nyota and Carol were waiting for them with a rental car, both women beaming at Joanna when they caught sight of her in Jim's arms. "Peach, this is Carol Marcus and Nyota Uhura--they work with your daddy and I on the Enterprise. You'll meet Christine Chapel, your dad's head nurse up there, and another friend of mine at the house, okay?" 

Joanna nodded, shaking everyone's hand shyly before Jim and Leonard ducked in the back of the rental with her, Maggie gone to get her own vehicle and follow them out while Nyota and Carol climbed into the front. 

Joanna had been in a car accident, and Leonard was extremely mindful of that as he buckled her in, listening for any sign of distress in the way she was breathing. Jim reached down, though; taking her hand in his and gently urging her to meet his gaze, "Tell me about school, peach. You're finishing high school at this age, right?" 

The gentle tease got him an over-the-top snort, and Joanna smiled slightly as she launched into a story, keeping her eyes and her attention on Jim instead of letting herself be aware of where they were or what they were doing. Jim was a genius who had experienced more than his fair share of trauma, so he kept her talking with quiet, deft encouragement, and Leonard knew that Jim lapped up every scrap of information she offered him, even as his mind spun out for other topics, new distractions to provide while they made their way out of the city proper. 

They were a few minutes out from the house if Leonard was reading the map readout correctly over Nyota's shoulder, Joanna's story of a particularly mean-spirited act perpetrated by one of the girls she went to school with cut off suddenly. Leonard looked down to find Joanna curling into herself slightly, but Jim was covering it before he could even think what question to ask, "What's going on, peach?" 

"You don't want to hear--" 

"Of course I want to hear about Jenna blaming Riley for a snake getting in the classroom, Jo!" Jim interrupted, sincerity clearly written across his features. 

"But...grown-ups don't want to listen to--to..." 

"Bones, tell your darling daughter that confusing _me_ for an adult is just madness!" Jim urged, "And do it before Nyota beats you to the punch because she'll put it in meaner terms." 

Joanna looked apprehensive, her clever eyes glancing from Jim to Leonard as if trying to read whether Jim was playing her about this; if he was only encouraging it in order to distract her. "You heard 'im, pumpkin. Jim is no grown-up." 

"Now, how did Jenna manage to convince _anyone_ that it was Riley--isn't Riley scared of snakes?" The excited question didn't quite chase out the look of speculation in Joanna's eyes, but she allowed it, and fell into her story once more, missing the glance shared between Leonard and Nyota in the rear-view mirror, the look speaking of a mounting concern regarding where Joanna got the idea that she wasn't supposed to tell her stories. 

As they pulled into the drive, Leonard let himself take in the area, acres of land sprawling out from a country house, the sidings painted a buttery yellow and a small cluster of peach trees standing proudly behind a garden that appeared to be in galloping good health. The familiar figure of Chapel stood next to an unfamiliar figure who could only be Bettany Miller. Leonard hadn't realised that he'd had expectations of what Bettany would look like, but seeing her standing there, she was certainly not what he had expected. 

Jim was more excited than a kid in a candy store when he saw her. Bettany Miller was the kind of curvy that spoke of such a sturdy ancestry that dynasties had risen and fallen beneath them. Her hair was dyed in a way that its curling tendrils were reminiscent of seaweed, the dark green offset with subtle highlights of dark gold, purple, and an almost-black blue. Standing there in her white dress, she looked like a goddess risen from the depths of her kingdom, and Joanna's mouth dropped open in wonder at the sight of her. "Bette!" 

"Hey, honey!" She called, throwing her arms open as Jim leapt from the car directly into them, sweeping her off her feet as he did. "Good lord, you're looking so healthy!" She cried, laughing as Jim spun her around. 

"That is his fault." Jim indicated Leonard as he set Bettany down on her feet, and that was all the warning Leonard got before his hand had been seized, and an assessing green gaze swept up and down. "B, this is Leonard Horatio McCoy. Bones, this is the stunning Bettany Miller." 

"Jims taken to calling you by a weird nickname, I see." Bettany smiled softly at him, "Doctor McCoy, don't take this the wrong way, but..." Bettany pulled him in, going on tip-toe to press a lingering kiss to his cheek, "Thanks for taking care of that pain in the ass kid for me." 

"Ma'am, it was my genuine pleasure." Leonard laughed. 

Jim rolled his eyes dramatically at Bettany, heaving an over-the-top sigh as he shook his head and turned to pull their duffle bag out of the trunk, Maggie's little green car pulling up the drive at a more sedate pace than Leonard had seen her use without a passenger in the car. "Now that that's out of the way, who do I speak to about this whole 'he died' thing, because I've got several hours of yelling I've built up." 

Jim threw a dramatically pleading look Leonard's way. "Kid, if you're hoping I'm gonna save you, this may be the only time I'm not gonna be able to be your knight in shining scrubs." 

"Now _that_ is a gorgeous mental image." Maggie laughed throatily, and Jim grinned. "Hi, I'm Maggie." Taking a step forward, Maggie offered her hand to Bettany with a nervous smile that nearly knocked Leonard over for shock. Maggie looked shy, and the last time Leonard had seen her look shy had been when she'd first met her last significant other. 

"Bettany, but you'll hear that one calling me B." Bettany rolled her eyes, but gave a gentle smile in return. "I was...a waitress at a diner that Jim used to manipulate into free fries." 

"I was Leonard's head nurse." 

"Christine Chapel, his new whipping post." Christine introduced herself with a bright grin and a little wave, Nyota and Carol taking their turns as Nyota stole the bag out of Jim's hand and headed up the steps of the wrap-around porch. Joanna slid one hand into Leonard's and the other into Jim's, staring at the house with a look of mixed awe and trepidation. 

"Come on, my princess, I've made some sweet tea, and we can explore the house together. Sound good?" Bettany coaxed, and Joanna blinked her attention up to her, nodding slowly. With their hands still tightly in her grip, Joanna led Jim and Leonard into the house, past the porch swing and into the front hall, where the art on the walls clearly picked out by someone who knew Jim well, though not quite well enough. "I've been using this place as a weekend getaway," Bettany admitted to Leonard, "it's too far away from the city to make commuting easy, and with Jim's preferences for security systems, it's not easy for anyone to drop by unannounced even if there were neighbours close enough to do that." 

Leonard glanced Jim's way, and he got a shrug in return. "I did a slight set-up of a bedroom for you, Jo, but I wasn't entirely sure what you'd like, so we can spruce it up some." Joanna looked like she'd been given a gift, and Jim grinned at the expression on her face, squeezing her hand gently. "You can critique me...be as brutal as you'd like." 

Bettany poured out sweet tea and tucked some assorted nibbles into the oven, and as she moved around the space, Leonard realised that she was fully aware that Jim was practically vibrating with excitement, and was tacitly ignoring it with the kind of aplomb Leonard needed to learn in order to keep his sanity. Nyota threw him a look over the rim of her glass, trying to fight her smile and losing. 

Bettany held out for a good half hour before she turned her piercing gaze on Jim, "Get lost, kid." 

With a squeal of excitement, Jim swept Joanna up in his arms, taking off at a sprint for the stairs to show her her bedroom. Her delighted screams of laughter could easily be heard up the stairs and into a room, and Leonard ducked his head, losing against a smile of his own now. "Jim really did deck that room out." Christine commented easily as Bettany brought out the first round of sausage rolls. "The master bedroom is just down the hall from hers, and it's also a thing of beauty, if I do say so myself." 

"You know, from the way Jim talked about you..." Nyota trailed off, at a loss for how to tell this woman that Jim Kirk painted her as a surrogate mother. 

Bettany dimpled, "He tells it like I'm the closest thing to a mom he'd ever had, and he's not telling it wrong, sugar. I once seriously considered bludgeoning Winona with a skillet, but she wasn't planet-side long enough for me to track her down." Bettany sighed, leaning a hip against the counter, "Jim was fourteen when he met me, I was eighteen, fresh out of an abusive family situation of my very own, and I roll into town to find this genius kid getting his face smashed in just to feel something." The bitter edge to her words resonated with Leonard, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Christine wrap an arm around Nyota's shoulders, leaning into her slightly. "I wasn't about to leave someone like Jim alone in this world. Not when I could help it." With a defiant tilt to her chin, Bettany regarded each of them in turn, "When Frank left, Winona left Jim alone, even though she..." throat catching, Bettany looked away from Carol, trying to get a handle on herself. Reaching over instinctively, Leonard's hand clasped her forearm, his thumb running a soothing edge over the tendons flexing beneath her delicate skin. "He's a hard kid not to love...and what she did just boils my parsnips." The frustration heavy in her voice wasn't enough to stifle the chuckle that turn of phrase caused. 

"Daddy!" Joanna's voice was shrill with excitement, muffled enough to tell Leonard they were still upstairs, and Leonard threw a sheepish half-smile at the montrous regiment of women, sliding out in the direction Jim had ran with his daughter to investigate what had Joanna so awed. Knowing Jim, it was gong to be something that the kid really should never have done. Loping up the staircase, Leonard followed the sound of giggling, wondering why his instincts weren't set to high alert with that sound. 

"Hey, Bones!" Jim called, and Leonard pushed open the door painted with a sunflower in such beautiful and loving expression that Leonard briefly wondered if Jim hadn't painted it himself. 

The sight that met him made his throat catch. Jim and Joanna were sitting at a small desk next to the smaller of the two windows, her bed pushed just under the larger in the middle of the room. The walls were white, but had sketches taped to them, as if Jim had commissioned an artist to come up with murals--but the ceiling was the most stunning part. Covered in what looked to be (and were--again, knowing Jim) accurate constellations and depictions of galaxies, the ceiling was so stunningly produced that Leonard's knees almost gave for shock--and, in a corner, there was a tiny depiction of the Enterprise, hovering to the left of Joanna's bed. 

"I like the garden path, daddy, but what do you think?" Joanna gestured to one of the sketches, looking up at him expectantly, blithely ignoring the apoplexy that had left Leonard completely speechless. 

"See, I thought you'd like that one, but when B showed me what she came up with for the mermaid mural, I wasn't sure..." Jim murmured conspiratorily, the light shining in his baby blues speaking of knowing _exactly_ the effect this was having on Leonard. 

"I do love the mermaids...but this one makes me think I'm lying outside, looking up at the stars." Joanna allowed. She had a small cluster of toys in one corner, and two full bookcases to one side of her bed. A bunker of craft supplies was waiting next to her small desk, and the whole room smelled of jasmine and sandalwood. 

Jim rose from his perch on Joanna's desk, circling in close to Leonard as he stared blindly at all Jim had done while they were in the black, while Leonard didn't know when he'd be allowed to see Joanna again. 

Warm fingers slipped against his palm, and Leonard called himself to the present, his eyes damp. "Daddy?" Joanna called, a touch of mischief in her voice, "Can you call Aunt Maggie up here? She can help me decide, and you can go see your room." 

Leonard blinked, not quite comprehending the words, but Jim pulled gently, calling down to Maggie before leading Leonard just a door down--the bathroom for Joanna the only room between the two. Their door was unadorned, but when they slid into the room, Leonard barely waited for the door to close behind them before turning on Jim and pushing him up against it, face pressed into his shoulder for a moment before raising to lick into his mouth. 

Jim's hands bunched into fists on his shoulders, and when Leonard slid a thigh between his legs, he let out the most delicate sigh of contentment that had ever graced Leonard's ears. "Jim," his voice sounded wrecked, even to himself, but Leonard couldn't help but smile at that, comfortable in the way that Jim was ruining him. 

"Shoulda told you, I know..." Jim told him, the sentence nearly fracturing in half when Leonard sucked on his throat until a bruise bloomed and vanished, Jim's hips working for one delicious moment against the intrusion of Leonard's thigh. 

Leonard let out a huff of laughter, "Darlin', you shouldna done any of it at all, but you did, and I'd be of a mind to show you _precisely_ what that means to me, but--" 

"But your daughter is just down the hall, and our friends are downstairs, and for as much as I'd like to suck on our tongue and ride you right now, we do not have time for that." Leonard let out a broken sound at that, and Jim moved to fist one hand in his hair, the other in his shirt, and Leonard was so insanely turned on that he wasn't sure he'd be able to stop unless Jim actually put up a resistance, because his better judgement was shot to hell when it came to Jim Kirk. 

"I think she's gonna be our daughter, darlin'. You're the best thing that could've happened to either of us." 

Jim pulled back slightly, his eyes nearly black, only a thin ring of blue as his gaze skated over the column of Leonard's throat, catching on the swell of his own pupils and finally holding fast. "If you ask me to leave you, I'll go." Jim whispered, voice rough as if he was dragging it over broken glass. 

Leonard felt dizzy with the sudden change, his arousal not quite understanding the shift. His mind spun out, and the conversation they'd had only a handful of days ago came to the fore, the reality of their situation a taloned hand squeezing his throat. For long moments. he ran his thumb back and forth over Jim's lower lip, stopping him from speaking as much as he was worshipping that curve of pink skin--Until, finally, the words came back, "I'm not sure I will ever be able to ask that, Jim. For now...For now, let's pretend I will never have to."


	12. I'm a Fool For the Shake in Your Thighs (Stay Open)

"You're not just dealing with Leonard anymore, Mr. Darnell." The icy tone to Jim's voice matched the dark light in his eyes, and as Leonard rounded the doorway to the office, still drying his hands from washing dishes, his breath caught at the set to Jim's jaw. Jim had always been tempered by sunlight and laughter in Leonard's eyes, but now he looked as cold and capricious as the old gods in the myths. He was listening to Jocelyn's brother, and though Leonard couldn't hear his side of the conversation, he could see the plans erect themselves in Jim's brain before being discarded, "Leonard McCoy is Joanna's father, Mr. Darnell, and an integral part of the crew who brought down the Narada..." Jim subsided, listening again, and he clearly did not like what was being said, the fury building within him visible on his features, "If you intend on relying on that to be your strategy, you'd best _pray_ that you have no secret that would ruin your life, because I will find it, and I will use it--I contacted you with the intention of civility, even friendship, for Joanna's sake; instead, you attack the man who saved my life and the lives of just about everyone on my crew, which I view as an attack on my judgement. You're going to wish you hadn't squandered any chance at mercy you had from me." 

Jim clicked the call off, his fists clenching and unclenching, "Darlin', if you wanna take a swing, I'm pretty sure I can take it." Leonard offered, "And I'd rather you pick a fight with me than go out and pick one." 

The impossible blue of Jim's gaze had snapped to him, growing angrier before flattening once more, the rage shoved to one side, "I know I'm too strong now to pick fights." 

Sighing, Leonard walked over to lean on the edge of the desk, not yet touching Jim, but there. "Not actually my chief concern, Jim." He murmured quietly, setting the tea towel aside even though he still wasn't about to touch Jim. "This ain't a fight you should be gettin' in the middle of, you know. Martin Darnell hated me from the moment he met me, he's not gonna give Jo up to me without a fight, and he's always had every intention of fightin' dirty." 

Jim drew in a slow breath, looking up at Leonard now, "You can't ask me to sit out of this, Bones." 

Leonard shrugged a shoulder, "Wasn't gonna. But I do have to ask that you use that head of yours. I want Jo, you know I do. But..." And all that had come before was there again, in Leonard's gaze. Jim deflated as if he was suddenly exhausted. "If she's better off, Jim--I need you to tell me, truly, what you think. Taking everything out but her well being." 

"She's better off with you--with us--because we love her. I have to believe that." Jim told him, voice rough and eyes suddenly wet. "I grew up with people who didn't love me, Bones." Jim sat up, curling forward so that his head rested against Leonard's hip, and Leonard sighed with relief as he slid his hand into Jim's hair, thumb brushing over the arch of his neck. "How long do you think we can eke out?" 

Leonard paused in his stroking, considering that, "I'd give it another five years before suspicions about me start. You could probably pass it off for another ten at least." 

"Could we pass for the same age when we start again?" 

"Probably," Leonard allowed, "though I still think you look younger than I do." 

With a fond smile, Jim straightened slightly, accepting a kiss to the forehead once he was upright. "Jo's asleep?" 

"Yeah." Leonard murmured, obeying the gentle tug of Jim's hands bunched on the shoulders of his shirt, smirking to himself as Jim dragged him in for a slow kiss. "You okay?" 

"Fine." Jim murmured with a smile. Leonard stroked careful hands over his shoulders, brushing over his throat, where a smear of paint had managed to escape Jim's clean-up once he and Joanna had put the paints away. 

"Would you...like to take a bath with me?" Leonard asked, voice very near teasing. 

Jim's surprise was only there for a split second before it morphed into a look of coquettish speculation, "Why, Doctor McCoy, are you trying to seduce me?" 

"Hm," Leonard hummed, leaning in to plant another, firmer kiss to Jim's forehead, "you know, it wasn't my intention, but now that you've mentioned it..." 

Jim smiled, toying with the collar of Leonard's khaki shirt, tracing down the line of unbuttoned buttons with only a tease of pressure. He looked up at Leonard from behind the fringe of his golden lashes, his smile growing more wicked by the moment, "Think that tub can hold the two of us?" 

"Darlin'," Leonard sighed, brushing a kiss more that was more a scrape of stubble than a touch of lips over Jim's cheek, and Jim drew in a breath, hand turning into a fist against Leonard's shirt. The buttons were nothing more than snaps, and when Jim tugged once on the front of his shirt, Leonard had to try to stifle a laugh at the look of complete disappointment that flashed over Jim's features that the shirt wasn't ruined, "we're gonna get in that tub, and I'll wash your hair," tugging his long fingers through Jim's hair with the correct amount of force to have Jim purring at the prospect let Jim know that having his hair washed meant having every ounce of tension wrung from his body, "and you can tell me all about what you want for the next five years." Brushing the pad of his thumb over the seam of Jim's lips, Leonard swallowed his groan, taking his weight easily as Jim draped himself into the casual lean of his body against the desk. "How's that for a seduction?" 

Jim shivered slightly, his hand bunching in both halves of the open shirt and tugging at Leonard to get him to follow Jim up the stairs to the master bathroom, where the tub resided. 

The tub wasn't monstrously huge by any stretch of the imagination--and, in point of fact, while Leonard was fairly certain separately, they'd be able to bathe comfortably with all body parts safely cocooned in warm water, together they were bound to have outflung arms and legs that would end up half-frozen until plunged back below--but he was more than willing to make that sacrifice if Jim would allow him to run careful hands over bare skin. 

Racing Jim up the stairs as quietly as possible, Leonard began to strip the moment he got through the door to what would be their bedroom--"would be" if only because Jim had styled it for Leonard alone, more thoroughly than he had for Joanna's space, intending, at the time, that Jim would end up in the smaller guest room, if he was allowed to come with Leonard at all.

That particular revelation was met with nothing short of astonishment, Leonard nearly in tears when he'd reached out and wrapped his arms around Jim, holding him tight. He didn't know how to tell Jim how important he was to Leonard's little family in a way that would make him believe it finally. Jim hadn't set up the guest room for himself; in point of fact, there was very little of Jim in the house he'd bought. He'd filled the office with medical journals and Leonard's guilty pleasure-reading of thrillers and ghost stories; he'd arranged the kitchen to mirror the arrangement Leonard had set up in their dorm room as much as possible. Jim had made Leonard a home, silently and without prompting, building Leonard a sanctuary, with no regard to how incredible it was for someone to give this kind of gift, and completely ignore themselves in order to completely devote the act to the care and keeping of the one they were giving it to. 

If they hadn't already begun a romantic relationship before the reveal of the house, Leonard knew that setting foot in this house would have brought him to his knees for awe. 

Leonard knew he had a lot of work ahead of him, in fighting for Joanna, and in figuring out how they were going to live past the expiry date of the age they could pass for. He also knew he needed to find a way to convince Jim that he was undeniably a part of Leonard's family, always had been, and every home made for that family had to have just as much Jim in it as it had Leonard or Joanna. As he turned to watch Jim shimmy out of his boxer-briefs, the flush on his cheeks indescribably endearing as he looked from the tub to Leonard, slowing his pace like he was suddenly unsure. 

"You okay?" Jim asked, just out of reach. 

Beckoning for him, Leonard drew Jim into his arms the moment he was close enough, and tipped his head back, teasing at kisses until Jim let out a low growl, rocking into him to take a long, hot kiss. Trusting Jim, Leonard allowed himself to be walked backwards until he gently collided with the counter, Jim's mouth still plundering his and his hands tracing constellations in the freckles dotting Leonard's shoulders and back. Jim's hands slid down to his hips suddenly, and Leonard broke off their kiss with a soft sound of surprise as he was suddenly lifted and slid to sit on the bathroom counter next to the sink. 

Jim's grin was tempting and dangerous, the playful edge to his lust-dark gaze sending Leonard shuddering with want. "Stay here for a sec." 

Turning back to the tub, Jim turned the water on full, dropping a bath oil that smelled of sandalwood and citrus--a mix of Leonard's scent and Jim's. Jim trailed back towards him, and Leonard caught his face between his palms, touch worshipful and gaze treasuring and awed. "What'd I do to deserve you, kid?" 

Turning his head, Jim pressed a kiss to Leonard's palm, "You made it to me." Jim leaned in and kissed Leonard again, slowly enough that Leonard felt as if he lost track of time in that kiss. 

When the tub was full, Jim climbed in first, laying against the back waiting for Leonard to climb in and settle against him. Jim pressed a line of kisses down from behind Leonard's ear, over his neck and shoulder before burying his face in the curve of Leonard's neck and squeezing him gently, hands settling on his belly. Leonard let his head rest against Jim's for a moment, sighing as the warm water worked on the tension bound up within him like tangled yarn. Jim was safe, Joanna was safe, and Leonard knew precisely what he was capable of if it came to having to fight to keep it that way. 

Jim scooped water into his palm, slowly bringing it up to run over the shoulder not occupied by his cheek. Leonard trailed one hand down to the hand still resting against his abdomen beneath the water, the other reaching to tangle softly in Jim's blond locks. Jim let out a sigh, shifting so that he no longer nuzzled Leonard's neck, and instead pressed kisses to his shoulder over and over again, "I've got you, Bones. Always." 

Leonard wrapped his hands around Jim's bent legs, fingers digging into the flex of his thighs, massaging at the muscle and rubbing the bath oil into his skin. "I can't tell you how much all this means to me, darlin'." 

Jim wrapped himself even tighter around Leonard, the hand on his shoulder trailing down his back then looping around his waist to lay over Leonard's, their fingers twining together. "I will do everything I can to protect you--to help you." 

Leonard didn't have the rings with him; the bath was romantic, but perhaps not the romantic atmosphere that Leonard had wanted; and he hadn't spoken to Joanna about what it would mean, but as Jim held him fast, Leonard couldn't help but feel as though it was the right time, even with the madness looming, about to erupt in chaos around them.

Jim leaned back more solidly against the wall of the tub, and urged Leonard to drape over him with the same ease, stroking up the line of of definition from abs to pectorals, tracing the curves of his collarbones, "I love you, Bones."

Relaxing into the security of Jim's arms wrapped around him, Leonard let his eyes close, soaking it in. Jim dipped his hand in water, trailing upwards to run through his hair, slicking it back inefficiently, but stealing a kiss to his temple for his troubles as he reached back down for more water, wetting Leonard's hair back and stroking idle fingers down the scruffy line of his jaw. "I don't understand it, darlin'," Leonard murmured, catching Jim's hand when he'd completed the circuit a third time and went to wet his hand again, "you are far more than anyone could ever deserve, let alone someone like me. I love you so much--" Jim curved around his shoulder as much as he could, tipping Leonard's head back against his other palm so that he could sweep Leonard up in a slow, sweet kiss. 

"When all this calms down...I want us to stay here for a while. Let Joanna grow up somewhere she knows." Jim murmured, and Leonard's breath caught, his nod shaky, "When it comes time..." 

"None of that, Jim." Leonard urged, "Not right now. Right now, you're gonna convince me that you're really willin' to give up your captaincy--" 

"Like that's even a question, Bones." Jim scoffed, nudging him in the flank with his bent knee. "If it means I get to be with you and Joanna, I'd give anything." 

"I don' want you to give up _being you_ , Jim. You love the stars. Don't give up being you for me." 

Jim was quiet for a long while, his fingers sliding idly between Leonard's as he considered that plea, "I wouldn't have gone." He said at last. "If you...if you hadn't given in and signed up for missions in the black, I wouldn't have gone. I would've focused on engineering, and taken a job within transport-distance of you." 

"No--" 

"Bones, I've loved you for years. You're the only family I..." Jim trailed off, and Leonard sucked in a slow breath, squeezing at his fingers. "I couldn't let you and I fade to a comm every few months. I _couldn't_." 

Leonard wasn't about to risk bodily harm to turn in Jim's arms, no matter how quickly they healed, so he pulled gently at Jim's arms around him until Jim was holding him tighter. "I couldn't let go of you, either." Leonard admitted. "But you already knew that." 

Jim huffed softly, "So tell me how me giving up space is any different than you flinging yourself into space, especially when you were scared of it." 

"You love space more than I hate it." Leonard groaned, slightly disbelieving that he was having this argument. 

"Yeah, but I loved you more than space before the second year of the Academy even commenced." 

"Oh really?" 

"Remember when I took an assignment that summer? Came home, and nearly kissed you right there in the shuttle bay. The stars...are enthralling. They're full of new worlds and new life, all the adventure I could ever dream to ask for. But you and Jo? A life here? That's more than I've ever dreamed of. That's what I want. I lost...the only other person I knew I could call family without doubt or artifice. Our crew...we're close, but I know that you'd still love me, even if you couldn't forgive me--same as Pike." 

Leonard sat up at this, disregarding the threat of injury to turn and pull Jim into his arms. He knew the colours behind the picture Jim's words had painted; knew that Jim hadn't truly forgiven Winona for neglecting him, or his brother Sam for running away, not really--not yet. But the fact that Jim's family had given him cause to put those markers in place to define what a family was made Leonard wish he could join Bettany in hitting Winona over the head with a skillet. "Your crew is a family, too, Jim. Trust me on that. I won’t speak for the hobgoblin, but I can tell you that it’s not anything or anyone else keepin’ Carol on our boat. It’s you and your devotion to your family—your family’s devotion to each other. I’d reckon she hasn’t seen that kind of care up close before.” 

Jim let out a sigh, and Leonard sympathized with the disappointment inherent in the sound. Carol had deserved better, the same as Jim. “If I were to petition Starfleet to allow us to bring Joanna with us...” 

Leonard snorted, “I think she’d love that more than could be expressed, but ain’t that gonna be a hard sell, darlin’?” 

“Not if I know which weapons to choose from.” Jim replied easily, moving to brush a kiss to Leonard’s mouth. 

“You have enough on your plate—“ 

Jim smiled, and Leonard felt himself fall in love all over again for that expression. “If I need help, I’ll ask.” 

“Somehow, that’s not reassuring to me, kid.” Leonard replied on a laugh. 

“Didn’t say _who_ I’d ask for help, just that I’d ask.” Jim’s tone turned impish, and Leonard slotted a hand against the back of his neck, dragging him in to lean their foreheads together. 

Jim let him wet his hair and massage shampoo into his scalp, tiny little groans of pleasure escaping his lips and his eyes closed blissfully as Leonard went through the familiar motions. Usually, he would not be lathering soap into the wheat coloured hair, but then again, usually he was working tension headaches out of Jim’s head and neck. The scent of the bath oil was joined by the brighter, woody scent of the shampoo Bettany had laid in for them; not overpowering the sandalwood and citrus, but bringing a freshness to it that had Leonard thoroughly looking forward to breathing it off Jim’s skin later. The careful scrape and rub of his short nails sent Jim shuddering, both hands gripping the side of the tub as he pressed into the contact with a sound that could only be characterized as indecent. “Beautiful...” Leonard murmured, voice a rough husk of itself as he washed the suds out of Jim’s hair, and Jim went quiet and pliant in his hands. “So fucking beautiful, Jim.” 

Tracing the line of Jim’s throat, Leonard waited until those hazy blue eyes fluttered open before he kissed Jim as deeply and thoroughly as he could. Jim hooked an arm around the back of his neck, and nearly slid under the waterline before Leonard caught them, their chuckles shared between them at the slop of water over the side of the tub. “You should not be allowed to kiss like that.” Jim mumbled into another kiss, the flush over his cheeks and ears nothing compared to the colour of his swollen lips. Leonard hadn’t enjoyed kissing, really—not until he’d been kissed by Jim. The slow glide of lips, the tangle of tongues had been a preface to sex, and really nothing more, but when Jim had drunkenly planted one on him during their first year at the Academy, it had been like lightning through Leonard’s veins. Even when he’d been Reaper, Leonard had known that he swung both ways, though he’d always shown a preference for women; at first, when Jim had kissed him, he’d wondered if it’d just been too long since he’d last been attracted to the person he was kissing. But kissing Valerie, while enjoyable, had nothing on kissing Jim. He’d taken to wonder if it was the kisses being stolen, or if it could be the draw of proverbial forbidden fruit—but now he was allowed and encouraged to kiss as much as he wanted to, and there was nothing standing in their way any longer; and kissing Jim was still the revelation it had been that first time. 

He’d loved Valerie, but whether it was time spent in his solitude, or whether it was simply the world evening itself out in his favour at last, every part and particle of being with Jim was somehow much, much more. Jim wasn’t his type, but that had made the complete arrest of his better judgement, of his full attention, all the more stunning. Jim gasped against his jaw as Leonard ran his thumbnail along the dip of his spine, and Jim pressed sloppy kisses to that solid line, his lips getting impossibly redder as Leonard’s scruff rubbed at the skin. Jim’s grip on him had turned desperate, the line of his cock against Leonard’s hip growing harder as they shared air and stole increasingly clumsier kisses. “I didn’ actually intend to seduce you.” Leonard managed, a whine escaping as Jim sucked hard at the base of his throat. 

“We need to move this to the bed.” Jim murmured, sounding as dazed as he ever had. “This tub is not big enough for any of what I want from you.” Leonard’s brows raised, his hands sliding to cup against the shelf of Jim’s hipbones, and Jim grinned slowly, “Let me wash your hair and drag you to bed?”

“Gods above, that sounds good.” Leonard moaned, trailing a hand up Jim’s thigh. “Better hurry up, darlin’.” 

Jim pulled a pout, and Leonard laughed, “See, you’re making it all too tempting to just rush through it. You took your time with me—let me take my time taking care of you?” 

Leonard let his eyes track the movement of his thumb over the arch of Jim’s cheek before he answered, “Anything you want, darlin’.” 

Letting himself go lax under Jim’s attentions, Leonard felt as if he were floating, the easy caress of Jim’s hands over his skin soothing in a way that had Leonard nearly asleep. Jim kissed his cheeks, his forehead, his lips, slowly wringing the tension out of Leonard. Eventually, Jim’s attentions drifted down Leonard’s arms to work at his hands and fingers, reverent and careful. “Let’s go, Bones.” Jim leaned in, pressing a last firm kiss to Leonard’s temple. 

They rough-dried themselves, Jim very nearly unable to keep his hands off Leonard. Jim gathered him into a kiss, and they blindly stumbled for the bed, wrapped around each other. Collapsing against the bed, they huffed laughs together, breath catching as their legs slotted together and friction rubbed deliciously between them. The ghost of a taste of oranges lingered in Jim’s kiss; orange juice with Joanna at dinner. The warm smooth planes of skin, only lightly interspersed with scars, spread beneath Leonard as they settled together, skin-close, but aching to be closer. Under his jaw, Leonard found the subtle tang of salt against the slight bristle of Jim having foregone shaving for a couple of days, and Jim arched underneath him as Leonard chased that taste. Jim bit back a yell and let his hips roll against Leonard’s as Leonard pressed sloppy kissed down until he could suck a nipple between his teeth. “What do you want, Jim? Tell me what you want.” 

“I want you to fuck me, Bones—oh please fuck me.” 

Leonard kissed the begging from Jim’s lips, trying to soothe the desperate edge with a sweep of tongue and a nip of teeth, going slower and slower as the first kiss stretched into another then a third, the difference between them all desperate drags for air as lips parted only enough to allow for such things. When Jim's participation in their kissing had become little more than a stunned attempt to return the pressure against his lips, Leonard trailed a hand over his hip, lifting them both higher on the bed, laying Jim against the pillows under him. Jim's hand wrapped around the hard line of Leonard's cock, pumping once, fist tight enough that that alone had Leonard leaking precum over his fingers. Giving a strangled moan, Leonard caught Jim's wrist, "None of that, darlin', or this'll be over before we even get started." 

Leonard had chosen to tacitly ignore the fact that in Bettany's preparations of the house at Jim's behest, she'd included a supply of lube and condoms, and resolved himself to simply reap the rewards. He leaned down to kiss Jim while he groped for those supplies, and Jim hooked a leg around his hips, clinging to Leonard as if there was any chance in hell he could leave Jim like this. "You're gorgeous, Bones--you feel so good pressed against me." Jim babbled, and Leonard smiled to himself, popping the lube open and slicking his fingers. Leonard swallowed Jim's moan as he rubbed at the tight pinch of muscle, easing slowly into the intrusive pressure. Jim gripped at his arms while he shifted against the touch, running his hands up to fold his fingers together against the back of Leonard's neck as he relaxed. 

"That's it, darlin'." Leonard cooed, and Jim bit his lower lip on a moan, rocking down on Leonard's finger as his pupils blew impossibly wider. "I'm gonna make you feel so good. Keep talkin' to me, though. Tell me what you like. Tell me what you want." 

The moment those words hit open air, Leonard changed the angle slightly, increased the pressure, and Jim's mouth gaped, his eyes going so distant as to be unseeing, letting Leonard know that that was the precise angle to send Jim reeling over the edge. Realising that Jim's hands were gripping his waist hard enough to threaten breaking the skin, Leonard eased off the pressure, and Jim let out a broken whine, going suddenly boneless beneath him. "Bones..." Jim whimpered shakily, licking his lips as if chasing a taste of something sweet enough to dissolve the moment it was savoured, "fuck, you're gonna ruin me." 

Leonard hummed speculatively before purring the promise directly into Jim's ear, "Only if you'll let me." Leonard brushed over that bundle of nerves again, and when Jim arched into the contact, he slid a second finger inside, scissoring idly, as if he wasn't driving the most tantalising soul he'd ever met out of his mind. Jim's arms flew out, gripping the sheets instead of Leonard's skin, and he looked like the best kind of offering, so close to completely debauched that Leonard's cock gave a yearning twitch, smearing precum over Jim's hip. "I heard rumours that you could go over and over, darlin'. If I suck you off now, will you come again when I fuck you later?" Jim let out a desperate groan, and Leonard took that as all the encouragement necessary, lowering himself down to lick from the base to the tip of Jim's cock, the musky taste of Jim's arousal in sharp contrast to the scent of the lube as Leonard worked his fingers in deeper, teasing at Jim's prostate without actually touching it, balancing him precariously on the precipice of euphoria and keeping him there. Leonard hollowed his cheeks, and Jim gave an aborted buck, his eyes rolling up. Leonard slid a third finger inside as he fluttered his tongue at the weeping slit of Jim's cock, and Jim hissed at that, the tension there and then immediately gone, but enough to give Leonard pause. 

"D-Don't...Don't stop, please. Please--" Jim cut off as Leonard sucked at the heavy weight of his balls, his cock so hard it almost looked like it hurt. Leonard teased his mouth lower, sliding his tongue to just hint at the intrusion of his fingers spreading Jim's ass open, and Jim let out a sob, heels digging into the mattress. Leonard gave a slow twist of his fingers, and Jim went loose again, open and willing to whatever Leonard was going to do to him. Slowly enough that Jim was trembling with the need for more, Leonard stretched him open and lapped at the mess of precum drooling from the tip of his cock, hazel eyes keeping that cornflower blue hypnotised as Leonard's tongue drew closer and closer to Jim's cock, flicking over the slit again before he was suddenly sucking the length into his mouth again, and Jim was coming in a hot rush down his throat, mouth open without a sound. Swallowing all he could, Leonard pulled off, using his free hand to coax Jim through the last waves of pleasure and keeping him grounded through the aftershocks. Leonard's fingers were still in Jim, and as the fluttering subsided and Jim's eyes opened with a hazy smile, Leonard leaned down to kiss him again, the change in angle shifting those fingers and sending Jim crying out into Leonard's shoulder for a long moment before he went completely languid. "Too much right now?" 

"No." Jim sounded absolutely wrecked, "Just...go slow." 

Leonard hummed, his smile wicked this time, "Darlin', you're gonna come to regret askin' me to go slow." The promise in those words sent a shiver through Jim, and Leonard nipped at Jim's lower lip, smothering any response in another achingly deep kiss, Jim's tongue coaxing the taste of his cum from Leonard's lips. 

When he felt Jim get lost in the kisses, Leonard gave a slow pump to his fingers, and Jim's cock gave an answering twitch, but there was no sign of overstimulation from Jim as he urged Leonard to keep kissing him. Pulling back once Jim let him, Leonard reached for the lube again, slicking his fingers further, and Jim gave a breathless sigh at the sound of his fingers sliding back in, easy and wet. 

"Think you can take one more, darlin'?" Leonard asked, and Jim nodded eagerly, scrabbling to pull Leonard back down by the shoulders, his hips rocking restlessly in counterpoint to the slow glide of pressure. Leonard wiped his hand of Jim's cum before wrapping it tight around Jim's cock again, restraining as Jim's hips stuttered, trying to fuck forward into his grip and back onto the fingers of his other hand. "You're so good, Jim. So perfect. An' now you're mine, darlin'. Won't let you go, no matter what happens." Jim's whole body quaked at that, and Leonard slid the fourth finger home, thumbing both his slit and perineum as he pressed kisses to Jim's cheek, whispering praise into his ear that had Jim tearing the sheets trying to get him to give him _more_. "I'm gonna fuck you nice and slow, sweetheart, drag every moan outta you that you have to give. How many times you ever come in a nigh'?" 

When Jim managed to realise that this wasn't rhetorical, he nearly wept the words, "Th-Three...Fuck, Bones, three times..." 

"Mmm," Leonard purred, twisting the hand on his cock slowly, and Jim's whole body tightened, but he didn't quite come, the grip too tight, too dry, "'s good to have goals, darlin'--isn't that what you told me? I think I'm gonna make you come until you beg me to stop." 

"No idea...you were so-- _fuck_ \--so kinky." Jim managed, cracking a grin that turned into a moan that sounded like it'd been torn out of him. 

Leonard chuckled, and his fingers found Jim's prostate again, milking it until Jim's pleasure burst, a rope of cum nearly hitting Jim's chin as he uselessly rocked his hips to try to get the grip on his cock to move. Jim collapsed finally, panting, only to whimper as Leonard released his cock, working the fingers out of his ass with careful strokes. Leonard spread above him, blocking him in with his arms as Jim lay there, staring at him like he was a mirage. "Still with me, darlin'?" Jim nodded, his tongue flicking out over his lips, but his mouth dry enough that it did no good. "You're the most beautiful thing I've ever seen like this. A work of goddamned art." Leonard wrapped the hand he'd been using to open Jim up around his cock, and the feeling of the wet warmth had Jim's head falling back, his eyes rolling closed. Lowering his mouth to the pale arc of skin, Leonard traced a vein the length of Jim's shaft with his thumbnail, teasing under the head, and Jim's whole body locked down, shuddering an empty release too close on the heels of the last one. There were tears trapped in Jim's lashes now, and Leonard lifted himself from on top of Jim, settling against his side instead and stroking gentle touches up and down his arm, waiting until Jim came back to him to press a kiss to the shell of his ear, easy and sweet. "You're so good for me, darlin'. Never met anyone half as good as you. You okay? You need me to stop?" 

"No," the word was mangled with Jim's roughened voice, but the blaze in those blue eyes was as unmistakable as an avalanche. "Just..." 

"Take all the time you need, darlin'." Leonard pressed a promise into the words, "Can I kiss you, though?" Jim huffed as if put upon, but Leonard caught the twinkle of amusement before he was pulled in, Jim's arms wrapping around his shoulders and his weight pressing Leonard off his side and onto his back, Jim laying over him like a blanket. Jim kissed as if he were dancing, when a dance was described as a vertical expression of a horizontal desire: he kissed Leonard as if he was still seducing him slowly. Jim's hand slid down his hip, fingertips tracing over hot skin to wrap around Leonard's erection, "Darlin'..." 

The growled warning brought a grin in response, Jim's hand giving a slow pump. Jim knelt up, his breath catching as he reached for the lube again, slicking Leonard up and sliding down onto him nearly in the same movement. Leonard let out a low growl, wrapping his hands around Jim's hips as he shook, the thick length of Leonard's cock stretching him in the most tantalising way. Leonard watched the flicker of Jim's lashes; holding perfectly still as Jim's thighs flexed on either side of his waist, the slow drag of Leonard's cock as he rolled his hips sending Jim clutching at Leonard's shoulders. "I told you...I wanted to suck on your tongue and ride you." Jim laughed, and Leonard groaned but he grinned, welcoming the weight of Jim as he leaned down to coax Leonard into a kiss, sucking on his tongue. "After _that_ , though, I'm not sure how long I'm gonna be able to ride you for." Jim murmured, voice deep and curling with appreciation, turning the admonishment into a tease. Leonard grinned sharply, hands rubbing up and down Jim's sides, catching his fingertips over Jim's nipples and offering a low laugh as Jim jolted slightly and moaned at the attention. 

"You're a damned dream, kid." Leonard told him, "You're doin' so well. So good for me. Just go slow, darlin', I don't want you hurtin' yourself." Jim shivered, his hips stuttering, and Leonard wrapped his arms around Jim's waist, "You're so good, darlin'. Let me take care of you." Jim whimpered, biting down on his lower lip before nodding slowly, and Leonard shifted them as easily as if Jim weighed nothing, and Jim moaned, wrapping his legs tight around Leonard's waist. Leonard shifted the angle, bending to press his lips to Jim's throat and sliding his hands around Jim's hips before he slowly dragged himself out of the hot clutch of Jim's body. 

"Bones, Bones, Bones--" Jim babbled, whining when Leonard's grip on his hips stopped him from impaling himself back down on the long line of Leonard's cock. 

"Slow," Leonard reminded, easing himself back in slowly enough that Jim choked at the dull ache of friction. 

Jim was a genius, but it took him a long time to realise that the more he struggled to speed them up, the slower Leonard intended to go. Jim was hard again by the time he finally went pliant against the sheets, mouth agape. Leonard kissed along the line of Jim's shoulder until he reached Jim's mouth, rhythm picking up as Leonard licked over Jim's lower lip and let his hands drift down from Jim's hips to adjust the grip Jim had on his waist, pulling his leg up higher and angling into his thrusts ruthlessly now, chasing the high, aching and desperate sounds Jim started making at the change. "Please please please, Bones--AH!" Leonard pressed his hips tight to Jim's ass as Jim cried out and came, the delicious twitch and clench of Jim around him bringing him over right along with Jim. 

Tears were caught on his lashes as Jim shook through his aftershocks, clinging to Leonard as he gently wiped Jim's chest clean perfunctorily, carefully pulling out and ignoring Jim's groan of complaint. "Darlin'," Leonard eased Jim into a gentle kiss, "you alright?" Jim nodded, and Leonard pressed more kisses from his temple down to his jaw before he moved to go get a washcloth to clean them both up properly. When he came back to the bed, Jim was reaching for him, the expression on his face heartbreakingly vulnerable. "I'm not leavin' you, 'm right here." Leonard gathered him into his arms, cleaning him up and tucking him securely against his body, fingers lacing together. "I've got you, Jim. Always have--always will."


	13. It'll Never Fall Apart (We Built Our Own House)

"Your dad is the bravest person I've ever known, peach." Jim murmured, smoothing a gentle kiss over the skinned knee he'd just finished regenning. Leonard slowed his walk, watching as Jim easily replaced everything in his field medkit, offering her a grin as he did. 

"Really?" 

"Absolutely." Jim assured her, tucking a braid behind her shoulder. "From the first time I met him, I knew how brave he was." Jim handed her a glass of iced tea, moving to finish fixing her a snack. "Jo...your dad might not have wanted me to tell you this, but...he's talking to your Uncle Martin right now--" 

"About me?" Joanna asked, voice small and sad. 

"And about...peach, your mama was hurt really badly--so badly that even your dad can't help her." 

Joanna nodded as if that wasn't news, "Auntie Ny told me that he only managed to help you 'cause you were hurt on the inside, not the outside, and...and I saw mama--after the accident happened, before I...before I went to sleep. I think I saw her." Tears were threatening in her eyes, and Jim crossed to her as if magnetically pulled, wrapping his arms around her tightly and smoothing back her dark hair as he snuck a kiss to her forehead. "I don't think it's just a dream..." 

"Have you been dreaming of it, peach?" Jim asked, voice carefully neutral. Joanna nodded tearfully into his shoulder, and he smoothed his hand through her hair again, "You know what helped me stop having my nightmares, little love? Talking to your dad. Letting him help me. Have you talked to him about them?" Joanna shook her head in the negative, and Jim sighed softly, "Think you can be my brave warrior princess, and tell him?" 

"I don't want him to worry about it!" Joanna squeaked, and Jim pursed his lips, "I don't...I don't want him to go 'way again." 

At that, Jim's look changed, his hold on her loosening until he could kneel before her where she sat on the kitchen table. "Joanna Lee McCoy, you need to listen to me and believe what I'm about to tell you, because I'm captain of a starship and because I know what I'm talking about. Your dad didn't want to leave you, and if we get our way, he will never have to again. We're fighting for you, baby girl, and we're gonna win if it's the last thing I do." Solemnly, Jim picked up her hand, kissing the back as if he was swearing his fealty as her brave knight, and Leonard felt his heart twist painfully, so thankful for that ridiculous man that he couldn't breathe. "Now...Your mama is injured badly, peach. Your Uncle Martin doesn't want you to see her like this--" 

"She's on...on life-support? And they're gonna take her off?" Joanna asked, pain mixing with panic. Jim pressed his lips together and nodded, and Joanna looked down at her hand still in his for a long minute, then very deliberately breathed, slow and deep. "Daddy wants me to be able to say goodbye." She finally surmised, and Jim nodded again. 

"I'm pretty sure that if he wins the argument with your Uncle Martin, he's gonna come home and explain all this to you, give you the choice. But I wanted to talk to you about...about losing someone, before that happens, so you can make your choice." Joanna looked concerned, nodding, "The day I was born, I lost my father," Jim began, and Joanna's features became a mask of anguish, never having heard of George Kirk and his legendary captaincy, only the legendary captaincy of George's son, "but when I just a few years older than you, I had...I had something happen to me that was even worse. And while I wish, every day, that I could've gotten the chance to say goodbye to my dad--I also know that, sometimes, seeing someone you love like...that...is too much to bear." Jim looked perturbed, like he wasn't sure he was even speaking Standard, but Joanna sniffled slightly, nodding once. 

"I don't know if I'd wanna..." Joanna finally warbled, and Jim nodded his complete understanding, standing up and scooping her up onto his hip. 

She cuddled onto his shoulder, her eyes ancient with their speculation, "No matter what you choose, baby girl, your dad and I will be here, and we will help you in any and every way we can, okay?" 

Joanna nodded, biting her lip as he picked up the plate of goodies one-handed, balancing her with one arm easily. "It's not just about...Mama that Uncle Martin and Daddy are fighting, though, is it?" 

"No, peach." Jim admitted, voice strained because he wasn't sure how much or what Leonard would have told her. 

"Will I get a choice?" She asked, sounding resigned already. 

Jim set her down on the couch, and dropped off the snack on the coffee table, pulling a blanket over for them, and Leonard crept closer without even realising it, trying to hear every word, "I promise you that I will do everything in my power to make your choice count; but what would your choice be, peach?" 

"I want to stay with Daddy and you." Joanna answered immediately, sounding nearly desperate. 

Jim nodded, smoothing back her braids again, "Your daddy once told me that if anyone had me fighting in their corner, it made them a sure thing. I'm in your corner, and your daddy's. Always, no matter what." 

Joanna threw herself into his arms again, clinging to him tightly, and Jim rubbed up and down her back, not trying to placate her really, but letting the tears or the fear come as it would, and staying steadfastly with her through the storm of it. 

Leonard let himself into the office without letting his presence be known, his heart aching as he sat heavily in the arm chair Jim had set up next to a fireplace. Overwhelmed, Leonard let himself collapse forward until his head hung between his knees, tears of his own finally ready to fall. It had only been a couple of months since Jim was in a body bag--since he'd faced down losing the person who'd somehow managed to become his whole world. He didn't know how Jim had done it, or why it'd been him that Jim had worked this magic on, but in all his too many years, from Reaper to Bones, Leonard had never expected to be brought low by love like this. He'd never expected that he'd _want_ , so badly, to live Leonard McCoy's life to its full potential. But with Jim and Joanna, he ached for it. Jim deserved to be James T. Kirk, to be the greatest captain in the 'verse, and Joanna deserved to grow up in a house filled with laughter and baking and their friends and family. Somehow, he'd managed to take that from both of them, just by existing--and yet, if Jim was to be believed, it was only down to him that they would have had the chance to have those wonderful things they deserved. 

Letting himself wallow, Leonard was not overly surprised when the door to the office slowly creaked open nearly a hour later, Jim's tread soft on the hardwood as he padded around, laying a hand on Leonard's shoulder. "How much did you hear?" Jim asked quietly, his voice sounding as disused as Leonard's throat felt. 

"Enough." Leonard told him, trying to compartmentalise his pain. "Thanks for...for talkin' with her. You didn' need to, but...just, thank you." 

The hand on his shoulder squeezed softly, "I'm sorry, about Jocelyn." 

Leonard choked out a laugh, shaking his head, knowing that Jim knew him well enough to understand, just from that, that Leonard wasn't breaking down for the death of the mother of his child. 

Jim sighed quietly, shaking his head. He flicked on the fireplace before he folded himself into a seat at Leonard's feet, head resting back against his knee as he watched the flames come to life, the warmth completely unneeded, but not completely unwelcome. "I don't know how to tell you that I don't care about leaving my life behind in a way that'll make you believe it, Bones." He sighed at last, "I love my life...mostly because it has you in it." Leonard couldn't hold back rolling his eyes, and even though he was staring into the fire, Jim elbowed him in the shin as if he'd seen. "I'm not saying it just for the sake of saying it, Bones, and I'm not feeding you a line to make you feel better. You're my best friend. You have always been the first person I want to tell something to. When I see something ridiculous or have the most boring day imaginable, you're the one I think about sitting down with and talking to. Fuck, Bones, you're the one I opened up to--you realise I never even opened up to _Bettany_ , right? She was the closest thing I had to a mom, and I never told her what I've been able to tell you." 

Leonard stared into the flames, the silence settling as Jim let him and his screaming thoughts come to some sort of order. "I've cheated you and Jo out of--" 

"You cheated _death_ out of having me--just for starters." Jim argued, twisting around to look at him with a glower, "And Jo is a awe-inspiring little girl who exists because you are her father--and don't you start that 'she could have been born to someone else' bullshit with me, Bones, it's not gonna fly." 

"You deserve to have a life, Jim." Leonard whispered. "You both do." 

"We're gonna have a life, Bones--damned good ones, because of you." Jim rose up on his knees, brushing his thumb over the tear-stains left on his cheek. "Now, your daughter has cried herself to sleep in my arms. I'd like you to tell me about your day battling the evil knight while our princess naps." 

Leonard choked a laugh, "I love you, darlin'." 

Grinning, Jim leaned in, kissing him softly, "I love you, too." 

Leonard pulled Jim with him to his feet, pulling him into his arms tightly and groaning as he took comfort in the familiar strength of Jim's embrace, "Martin won't be allowed to make the call until Joanna's chosen whether or not to see Joce. As for the custody agreement...Martin is going to take it to court." 

Humming, Jim pressed his lips to Leonard's jaw, nuzzling into his throat, "She chose you--" 

"She chose _us_ , darlin'." Leonard murmured, smiling. "An' I can certainly understand why she'd choose us with you in the picture." 

Jim shook his head, pulling him into a soft kiss. "Now, don't ask me _how_ , but I took care of Khan and his crew. Let's leave it at 'the shuttle pilot owed me a favour' and go from there." 

"So that just leaves...Sarge." Leonard sighed, the weight lightened, but not fully relieved from his shoulders. 

"Is it weird that you were his Reaper and now you're my Bones?" Jim asked idly, and by the expression that flashed over his features, he completely did not mean to have asked. "I--" 

"I was never his." Leonard told him, "Not really. I followed his orders until I knew the orders he was giving were...wrong. Olduvai wasn't the first time I disobeyed a direct order from him, just the first time I did it quite so blatantly." 

"You're a good man." Jim slid their hands together, "You always have been." Jim's gaze focused on their interwoven fingers, and he swallowed, "I have a confession to make, Bones." Jim moved as if to put space between them, but Leonard held him fast, "When I was...dying.--When I was in the core, Scotty was gonna call you." Jim's throat clicked as he swallowed again, and the look in his eyes spoke of his mind going to places Leonard would rather Jim steer clear of if only to keep Leonard from following him back there, "I ordered him not to. I made him call Spock instead." 

Leonard simply raised an eyebrow, waiting for the rest as Jim's blue eyes flickered everywhere but to meet his gaze. 

"I ordered him to call Spock because...I didn't want my name to be one of the ones you'd scream in your sleep. I didn't want you to see me die...to carry my death with you. I didn't want...to be more pain for you to have to go through." 

"Darlin'," Leonard cooed, moving to catch Jim under the chin to urge him into finally meeting Leonard's eye, "losin' you, even without watching it happen...that was the most pain I've had to go through in a long, long time. You...can't imagine...what it was like, to see you lying there--gone, and to know that I could've--" 

Jim darted forward, stealing the words in a kiss that felt like a plea begging him not to go on, not to remember. 

"I told you, I could never be this selfish with anyone else, kid, and I'm not kidding. Facing a world with you in it was the darkest my life has ever been...and we both know what else I have for comparison." 

Jim leaned their foreheads together, his hand bruisingly tight in Leonard's, not that it mattered for either of them. Leonard slid his free arm back around Jim's waist, holding tight, cradling him there. Jim's free hand clutched at the back of his shirt, his face buried safely back in the crook of Leonard's neck, breathing him in. They held each other like that for a long time, soaking in the quiet and the peace. 

"We should go get dinner started before your peach wakes up." Leonard murmured, feeling Jim smile against his throat. 

"What's on the menu?" Jim asked teasingly, pulling back just far enough to look at him coquettishly. 

"What do you want?" 

"Mac and cheese." Jim answered immediately, biting his lip as he rocked slightly into Leonard's hold with a sunny grin. 

"Oh? And what green thing am I gonna have to convince two brats to eat?" 

Jim chuckled, shaking his head slightly, "Hmm...Asparagus?" 

"Alrigh'," Leonard laughed. "Chicken fingers or ham?" 

"Ham." Jim ordered decisively. 

Leonard pressed a kiss to the middle of his forehead, his hand tracing up under Jim's shirt just to enjoy the shiver he got in response before he simply released Jim, headed for the kitchen. Jim squawked, chasing after him, and Leonard bit down on his chuckle, trying to be a better man than one who would laugh at the ridiculous show of stealth Jim immediately adopted when they reached the kitchen and Joanna could be woken by too much noise. Leonard didn't suffer any illusions about his daughter sleeping through the cooking of one of her favourite meals, and didn't bother to tiptoe around her; instead, he got her a tall glass of water to re-hydrate her after the tears, and sent Jim over there to put on one of Leonard's favourite kid's movies on low volume so that he had something to work to. Jim slunk back to just outside the kitchen borderline, looking sad. 

"I feel like I should be the one cooking. You've had a hell of a day." Jim admitted finally. 

Leonard chuckled, shaking his head, "Darlin', so long as I don't have people shootin' at me, my day is fine." 

Jim scoffed, loudly enough that Joanna stirred in the next room, "Bones, I hate to tell you how you live your life, but when you come out of four-hour-long surgeries or get off those stupid fucking calls with the Admiralty about saving refugees and what alien cultures will allow you to fix, I would classify those days as 'not fine'." 

Leonard snorted a laugh, shaking his head. "C'mere, kid." Leonard urged, and Jim circled closer until Leonard looped an arm around his waist, pulling Jim flush against his side and stealing a kiss. "I like cookin' for the people I love, darlin'. You had a pretty difficult conversation with my little girl, so your day wasn't the easiest, either. Now, tell me, why is my field med kit down here?" 

Jim had the decency to look slightly guilty about that, "Well...we went tree climbing in the orchard." 

"How bad?" 

"Just a scraped knee for her. I had a couple scrapes, but...well..." Jim shrugged, looking down at his hands, which told Leonard enough about where the scrapes had been to capture Jim's hands in his so that he could look them over. "I healed fine, Bones. I'm...I'm like you, now." 

Leonard smoothed over the soft pads of muscle under the thumbs, pressing a kiss to each quickly enough that anyone watching would have missed the movement. "I will re-iterate 'til I'm blue in the face, darlin': I still don't like it when you get hurt." 

It was another fifteen minutes until Joanna finally woke, the small sound she made calling Jim to her side immediately. Leonard watched as he pet back her hair, urging her to drink in slow, small sips, and having her sit up so that he could release the braids, careful fingers easing the tension sleeping on them had wrought on her scalp. "Daddy!" Joanna exclaimed when noise from the kitchen didn't cease with Jim's appearance at her side, and Leonard found himself falling in love with the beaming smiles cast his way all over again. 

"Hey, pumpkin! I'm up to my elbows in cheese righ' now, or I'd come give you a kiss." 

Jim turned to Joanna as if asked, offering her his arms, and she leapt into them, letting him carry her over to her father to plant a kiss on his scruffy cheek, her eyes full of excitement when she caught sight of why he was up to his elbows in cheese. Jim planted her on the kitchen counter next to where he'd planted himself, walking back to fetch the glass of water for her and refilling it on his way. "Uncle Jim and I had fun today." 

"Is that your oh-so-subtle way of telling me I should leave you two to your own devices to let you have fun without me?" Leonard teased, and Joanna pouted. 

"No! I just...I like Jim." 

"I like Jim, too." Leonard agreed, sliding a glance at the man in question over Joanna's shoulder. "Which is good because, at least for the time being, we're stuck with Jim." 

"Oh no! Does that mean I'm trapped with _you two_?!" Jim asked dramatically, and Joanna scoffed, rolling her eyes. 

“You love us.” Joanna retorted, crossing her arms over her chest. 

Jim grinned, “Fine, you’ve caught me, I adore the both of you, you’re right.” Joanna beamed, and Jim laughed, pushing her hair off her shoulder. “How’s the head?” 

“Good.” Joanna chirped, smiling as she reached over and stole a handful of cheese from the pile Leonard was shredding. “Can you do just one braid with my hair instead of two?” 

“The same way I did the two, or do you want a different style?” 

Joanna’s eyes lit up, “You know how to braid in different styles?” 

“Oh, Jim, you have officially gotten yourself in over your head.” Leonard laughed throatily. 

"Tell you what, peach: you help me pick out a movie to torture your father with, and I'll braid your hair again while dinner's cooking." Jim bargained. 

"It's a gorgeous day out, I don't see why you two've decided to waste it." Leonard scolded simply for the sake of scolding, no heat behind the words. He didn't really care what they got up to, so long as they were both safe and happy and preferably nowhere near glitter. 

“Mostly to inflict Disney songs on you.” Joanna told him cheerily, grinning as Jim lifted her down from her perch. 

"Also because I may be allergic to lavender, and Bettany planted it around the garden gate." Jim admitted in a quick enough rush that Leonard knew he was trying to escape. 

Of all the things C24 could have fixed, Leonard did with it'd take away the predisposition to allergic reactions, if only so that he could bring watermelon into the household without Jim keeling over unable to breathe. His own allergy of cats hadn't faded or changed in the least, however, so it'd fallen in his mental classification along with scars. That Jim's poor eyesight had also transferred had been a surprise; when he and Sam had been working on mapping the changes and theorising just why the damn thing had been created in the first place, they'd based their assumptions on the apparent perfection that C24 brought forward in balanced specimens. Sam had thought it was a serum for super-soldiers; when he was being truthful with himself, John Grimm had known that it had had nothing to do with soldiers, and more to do with the tendencies of every mortal humanoid he'd ever known to reach for something that they oughtn't ever have. 

"Wasn't lavender on the list already?" Leonard sighed. 

"Uhura's lavender hand lotion was, but I found out that that was made by a company that uses fruit essence in their other scents--I figured it was a cross-contamination." Jim sighed. 

"How bad?" 

"Bad cough, sneezing..." Joanna started listing for him, and Jim shot her a bit of a betrayed look, not that she saw it. 

"So I have some gardening to do tomorrow." Leonard surmised easily, smiling at Jim without a single care. "You gonna help me out, Jo, or do you wanna make sure Jim's preoccupied?" 

"I can hang out with Jim." Joanna assured her father, as if she knew that the last time Jim had had to get Leonard to remove something he'd been deathly allergic to, that Jim had tried to dose himself with an allergy medication and help him--an endeavour which had spectacularly failed. 

"Y--I--" Jim stuttered, looking between the two of them as Joanna settled on an animated zombie movie, of all damn things. 

"Once it's gone, you're not allowed to come near me or the laundry until I've scrubbed down and done the wash." Leonard told him sternly, pecking a solid kiss to his forehead over the counter between them, and Jim looked at him, displeased. "None of that, Jim." 

"You don't have to--" 

"We love you," Joanna told him, sitting the wrong way on the couch, propped up on her knees to peer at them over the back of the couch, "how else will you know we love you if we don't take care of you?" 

Jim looked like he'd been given a gift he didn't ever think he'd deserve, "How can I take care of you guys, then?" He finally croaked. 

Joanna shrugged a tiny shoulder, "Daddy says you talked him through flying." She told him. 

"And, darlin', you've been takin' care of us both, without being asked or even thinkin' about it since you asked Bettany to buy us a house." Leonard pointed out softly, gaze steady in Jim's. "You eased Jo's headache without her even tellin' you she had one." 

Jim opened his mouth to protest that he felt like they'd gone further out of their way for him than he ever had for them, and Leonard simply shook his head, washing his hands quickly and crossing around to go to Jo on the couch, pausing the movie so that the conversation threatening on his tongue wasn't going to be had with ridiculous sound effects as its background. 

Leonard sat on the low coffee table, and Joanna turned to him, knowing that something very serious was about to be broached. "Baby girl, I know...that you didn' like Clay, an' your mom never asked if you did--No, I know you like Jim, but I do need to ask you...if you like Jim enough for him to be a forever part of this family." Leonard began as if Jim wasn't standing within earshot, looking utterly gobsmacked, "See, baby, I'd like to ask Jim to marry me. But I know that he'd only accept if you said it was okay." 

Joanna had lit up from within. She hadn't known Jim for long, but she'd known him, from Leonard's stories and from the stories of the Captain of the Enterprise propagating the news cycles. "So you wanna ask my permission to ask Jim to marry you?" She clarified, and Leonard nodded once, biting down on laughing, the ancient tradition of asking a parent for their child's hand in marriage suddenly cropping up in his head from the terrible pop culture of his youth. "Of course you can, Daddy." 

"You sure?" Leonard asked, teasing Jim now, and she shot him a grin as she pretended to consider it, safely able to do so because Jim seemed to have been glued where he was. 

"Well, I mean...he _is_ really goofy," Joanna wrinkled her nose dramatically, and Leonard had to fight hard against laughing, "but I guess it's okay, because it makes me laugh." 

Leonard winked at her, but slid to his feet, rounding back over to Jim, who was still frozen, stunned. He brushed a feather-light touch over Jim's cheek, tilting his head up slightly so that he could press a lingering kiss to his forehead, pecking a kiss to each eyelid, then the tip of his nose, then each cheek before teasing his thumb over the curve of Jim's lower lip, close enough to share air, but not yet kissing him. "I like it when he's goofy," Leonard spoke just loudly enough for Joanna to hear, but she didn't reply. Leonard eased him closer, cradling one arm around him and pressing a kiss as light and fleeting as cotton candy to his lips. "So, darlin'...marry me?"


	14. Hands Upon My Chest (Won't You Breathe Life Into These Dead Lungs?)

Leonard woke up slowly, but luxuriously, the warm weight of Jim's head on his shoulder and his feather-light fingers trailing slowly up and down the curve of Leonard's spine a lovely beckoning towards the day. Jim turned his head, pressing kisses to the line of Leonard's shoulderblade, his breath a hot billow down Leonard's back. Snagging the sheet fallen low on Leonard's hips, Jim pulled the fabric slowly higher, cuddling further into the sprawl of Leonard's back. Edging between letting the undertow of sleep catch him or rolling over to give Jim a proper kiss good morning, Leonard didn't bother opening his eyes just yet, content to pretend that he wasn't going to wake while Jim lavished attention over the skin on display for him. 

Their legs had tangled in the night, and one of Jim's arms was wrapped around Leonard's chest, pressed into the bed, and it had to have long-since lost all feeling, but Leonard had to talk himself into moving in order to free it. Jim didn't seem to necessarily want him to, stroking the thumb of the hand trapped between Leonard's front and the bed over a nipple, warm hand curved around the arch of Leonard's ribs as he shifted to kiss upwards, leading himself slowly over Leonard's neck and to his ear. "I will marry you," Jim whispered, slanting his mouth over the space just under the hinge of Leonard's jaw, his tongue tracing the skin there before he sighed softly, shifting so that he was nearly covering Leonard's back, hand sliding up and down Leonard's side. Jim bent to kiss a line down from the joint of Leonard's shoulder over the hills and valley of musculature in his arm, "I will marry you." He breathed again, shifting his trapped arm out from under Leonard in a move that wouldn't have woken Leonard had he not already been awake. Jim balanced his weight on his knees on either side of Leonard's hips, and Jim moved to kiss from the bottom of Leonard's hairline, down the length of his spine, the breathed promise that he would marry Leonard nothing more than a stutter of the air exhaled over his skin over and and over again as Jim took his time, the attention reverent in a way that Leonard hadn't ever been on the receiving end of, though he hoped that this was what he made Jim feel in his arms. 

"You told me you'd marry me last night, darlin', I think we're clear on that." Leonard tried for a grumble and wasn't sure of his success as Jim huffed a laugh against his lower back. Admittedly, he was pretty fucking happy, and was having trouble finding the capacity to grumble or growl while he was trapped under the weight of Jim's body, still pleasantly sated from the night before, and had little intention of spending much of the day away from Jim and Joanna. 

"Oh, good, you're finally done playing possum." Jim teased, rising back up so that he was murmuring against Leonard's hair, lips brushing over his ear as if by accident. "We still have time for a quickie before Joanna'll be up." 

Leonard grinned into the pillow, knowing that Jim knew full well what his facial expression was as he let out a dramatic groan, "Seriously, kid? How can you possibly want more sex?" 

Jim gasped as if scandalised, but Leonard could _hear_ the shit-eating grin on his face, "The truth comes out! Using marriage as an excuse to become old and set in our ways and only have sex on holidays!" 

Leonard raised his face out of his pillow at last, "Why do I get the feeling that if I even _tried_ to curb your libido like that, I would suddenly find myself with a calendar detailing _all_ the holidays there have ever been." 

"Because you know me well." Jim chuckled, "I'm pretty sure I could find one with a holiday for every day of the year." Jim began to sound like he was about to accept this as a challenge and actually go on a hunt for said calendar, and Leonard twisted beneath him, catching Jim around the waist and pulling their chests together before he twisted back over, pinning Jim between his body and the bed. 

Jim's eyes were wide with surprise, his hands fluttering before they found purchase on Leonard's shoulders, his legs sliding into place around Leonard's waist, pulling him into a kiss automatically. "What time is it?" Leonard managed. 

"'Too fucking early' was your classification last time I got you up at this hour." Jim teased, laughing as Leonard purposefully tickled him, "It's five AM." 

"Couldn't sleep?" Leonard asked muffledly, mouth busying itself with Jim's thighs once he got Jim to release the grip of them around his waist. The last time Jim had woken him up this early, it'd technically been Chapel waking him up, and Jim's involvement had been mainly due to the fact that he'd been gored and needed Leonard to patch him back up. On the whole, saying this was an improvement was such a gross understatement that Leonard didn't think it ever needed to be said. 

"I--uh!--I woke up and couldn't resist how good you looked spread across our bed." Jim managed.

"I think I might be familiar with that particular temptation," Leonard replied huskily, and Jim grinned as he urged Leonard back up for long, slow kisses. Jim knew he was referring to the night before, when he'd been sprawled out over the couch, Joanna passed out soundly on his chest. Leonard had woken him up with kisses once he'd carried Joanna to her bed, and had very nearly carried Jim to their bedroom just to get them there that much sooner. Though, if he was being honest with himself, the several stops they'd ended up making would have been just as likely with Jim in his arms already as they had been chasing him up the stairs, though he was pretty sure that the picture frame on the wall of the stair landing would have probably fared better had Jim not been in a position to pin Leonard to the wall next to it, effectively knocking it to its death. "But five AM for a quickie, kid? Jo won't be up for at least three more hours..." 

As if those words being spoken aloud had some sort of power, the silence outside their bedroom was broken with a wracking, choking cough that curled at Leonard's insides just to hear it. Jim's eyes flew wide, pushing Leonard off of him and stumbling to his feet as a crash heralded Joanna falling out of bed in her coughing fit. Jim was panicking enough to actually trip himself flat on his face trying to pull on pyjama pants on, and as Leonard pulled his own up, he shook his head, years of dealing with this kind of thing from the idiot who'd taken himself out lending him a calmer head. He pushed into Joanna's bedroom carefully, but she was still on the floor on the other side of her bed, still coughing, not on the other side of the door. Leonard let himself move quickly then, crouching beside his little girl and reaching to carefully feel for injuries from the fall before he could comfort her from her coughing. 

"Jim, I need you to turn the water on as hot as it will go for me, we gotta get some steam goin' to help calm the cough before I can administer anything to help." 

"Already ahead of you, Bones," Jim reported from the hall, "our bathroom, go." 

Holding Joanna to his chest, Leonard moved easily from Jo's room into their own, sliding into the growing cloud of steam. She was crying softly against his shoulder, the pain of the cough tearing at her tiny frame. Leonard smoothed his hand over her back, pressing a kiss to her forehead as she tried desperately for air, unable to take a full breath without coughing again. "You're gonna be fine, baby." Leonard cooed, turning his head as Jim came in carrying a familiar medkit--his full medkit, complete with a selection of remedies for Jim and his allergies. 

When Jim had first gotten a cold at the Academy--thankfully, after they'd started living together, or Leonard may never have found out about it, because Jim was nothing if not utterly infuriating--Leonard had inherently _known_ that Jim was indubitably going to be allergic to every damn medication there was available. Leonard had gone old school, then; working around the other allergies Jim had to find some relief. Ginger tea with lemon, for the the nausea; clary sage to soothe the headache and sore throat, mixed with eucalyptus to ease the breathing in an oil Leonard used to add to a steamer. Jim brought the oil out now, the steamer long gone but the mixture a staple for Leonard when he needed someone to _breathe_. 

Jim touched his arm as he finished readying the tincture, "Let me take her, you work the tricorder." Jim offered. 

"You wanna give Jim a hug for a bit, baby girl?" Leonard coaxed. Joanna clung to him, and Jim smiled sadly, pulling out the tricorder and putting more attention on the readings than he'd ever given it during Command track's basic field training. 

Joanna was clinging to Leonard as tightly as she could, and Leonard began to gently dance, picking up the tune of a lullabye before the words came to him. He had sung this song to her many times in her infancy, though he'd been gone long enough that he wasn't sure she'd remember it. As she began to breathe easier, Jim caught his eye, signalling that he'd prepared the correct meds in the hypospray for her, and Leonard paused in his swaying, holding still so that Jim could gently administer it, Jim's flash of surprise that Leonard trusted him to prepare the correct meds at the correct dosage something Leonard filed away to face later. Leonard began swaying again, still singing, while Jim slipped from the room with the tincture of oil, clearly working on a plan of some kind. 

"You feelin' better, sweetheart?" Leonard murmured softly when the coughing and the crying both had subsided. Joanna nodded into his shoulder, half-asleep in his arms, and Leonard pressed a kiss to her hair. Once she'd fallen asleep, Leonard checked over the internal data history of the hypospray, the medications Jim used giving him all he needed to know about her condition without having to fool about in the tricorder data--which would have given Leonard such an intense stress headache, he doubted he'd ever recover.

Grumbling to himself about the ease of hypospray histories access versus the ridiculous process of getting a past reading out of a damn tricorder once Joanna had fully fallen asleep against him, Leonard waited patiently for Jim to push back into the bathroom once he heard Jim moving around in their bedroom. 

"She can go back to bed now." Leonard murmured once Jim had stuck his head in. 

"I've set up a steamer in her room...Bettany heard about your quick thinking, and bought one when she still thought I was gonna..." Jim cut himself off. 

"When she thought you were gonna move in with us." Leonard supplied quietly, silently pleased to hear that at least _someone_ in Jim's life before him had had a good head on their shoulders, "What a crazy idea, you moving into a house you've bought." 

Jim flinched slightly, looking like he was intensely uncomfortable under the simple scrutiny of Leonard's gaze, and Leonard sighed quietly, easing as much of Joanna's weight onto one side instead of the other. Jim noticed, immediately dashing out and leaving open the door for Leonard to follow; waiting to get Joanna's door until they were close enough that not too much of the steam would escape when Jim opened it for them. 

He'd changed her sheets, and gotten her a fresh cup of water. There was a fresh pair of pyjamas laid out for her as well, and Leonard felt his heart twist when Jim came around, snatching them up and turning to Jo, ready to help Leonard change the sleeping six-year-old out of her sweaty clothes. "You're a natural." Leonard whispered as Jim easily flicked her pyjama shirt off, Joanna not even stirring because there was so little movement to disturb her. They slid her into her nightgown, Leonard tucking her in while Jim moved the clothes to the laundry. Jim had pulled a chair close to the bed, and Leonard debated with himself for only a moment before he let himself fold into that chair, one hand going to gently lay over his little girl's. He let himself find a measure of peace while he watched her breathing ease, her sleep turning deep and dreamless under his gaze. He knew she would be okay; without a doubt, she would be fine, because they loved her, and would take care of her, just as she'd pointed out to Jim the night before. 

Jim slid back into the room with a blanket folded over his arm, and a book Leonard was reading in his hand. Leonard wondered at the fact that because of C24, his low-light vision was good enough to read in nearly pitch-blackness--then reconsidered; Jim probably could as well, now, though he would need his glasses or contacts to correct his eyesight in order to do it. Jim pressed a kiss to the shell of Leonard's ear, spreading the blanket out over him and laying the book in easy reach, "I'll be downstairs." Jim whispered, leaving Leonard to his vigil with a complete understanding and respect for his need to watch over his baby girl and make sure she was okay. 

"Thanks, darlin'." Leonard whispered as Jim reached the door, pulling it closed softly. 

Leonard let out a quiet sigh, settling into the easy rhythm of Joanna's breathing and taking comfort in the fact that Jim cared so much for them both. When Joanna had gotten sick as a baby, Jocelyn hadn't understood his need to sit with her, to watch over her once he's treated the illness and the treatment had begun to take effect. She had expected the remedy to simply work and for him to go on, even if his ill-divining heart demanded that he stay with his little girl to make sure she was alright. 

Jim was not Jocelyn; could never be Jocelyn. She had been exactly his type of woman; smarter than him, without a doubt, with soulful brown eyes--she'd looked so like Valerie that, for just a moment when he'd seen her across the bar, he'd thought that he was hallucinating. Chromes were no longer legal; the Eugenics craze had made sure of that, but Leonard had come to wonder if it wasn't some genetic modification that had managed to make Jocelyn look so much like Valerie. There was no way that they were related; Valerie had been an only child, and had had no interest at all in children before she'd died. 

She'd been perfectly engineered in the womb, had undergone the standard police vaccinations to keep every possible illness they could fight at bay...and still, when Insyndicate had released a virus formulated to cut down the Chromes, she'd gotten just as sick as all the others. It'd been slow, and he knew it'd been painful. By the end, she was begging him to leave her so that she could die how she chose--so that he didn't have to watch her put a bullet in her own skull to stop the pain of every perfect cell deteriorating, turning her slowly necrotic from the inside out. 

In the end, though, he'd been the one to tell her to save him a drink in the afterlife; the world falling down around their heads as he'd held her and she'd drunk poison, grinning up at him as it did what she needed it to do, and stopped the pain. By that time, he'd already lost Dorian, and had sent Rudy underground with Paul and Sandra in an attempt to get Rudy out of the line of fire long enough so that he could find a way to stop Insyndicate's reign of terror. John Kennex had fought until everyone he'd cared for was either dead or lost to him for their own protection, and then he'd disappeared; joining the resistance that had cropped up; a group that hadn't necessarily played by all the rules, but who undeniably got the job done in hunting down the men and women who were exerting their control through monstrosity. They hadn't been able to do it quite thoroughly enough quite quickly enough to stop the fallout, however. Nukes had been launched by those scared and in power, and though many were duds that did not blow, enough of them had been to wipe the world very nearly to a clean slate--at least in the places that perhaps should have been given a chance. UAC was no longer UAC at that point, of course, but they'd managed to survive, which was one of Leonard's biggest annoyances. But they'd begun building the megacities, rebuilding the world for the survivors of a war he knew UAC had caused, somehow, though he'd never been able to put it tgether; to make the connection. 

Rudy had once confided in him that UAC had, in some form or another, been at the heart of nearly every conspiracy theory there was since the company that had become UAC was founded, and John Grimm had had enough experience _before_ Olduvai to know that that reputation was well-deserved. By the time the war had begun, it was made public knowledge that UAC had bought more of the government than any of the previous boogeymen of Big Oil, Big Pharma, or any other industry that had caused problems in the world for their bottom line. His relationship with UAC had not much improved when they headed the Eugenics wars with their attempts to bring back Chrome technologies. Most had learned from the mistakes that had led into the third world war, but they had not. 

Leonard stirred out of his musings as Jim quietly pushed the door open, a cup of coffee in his hand, offering a quiet smile as he handed it over. 

"You okay, darlin'?" Leonard murmured, reaching to wrap their hands together. 

Jim nodded, bending to press a kiss to Leonard's hair. "'M fine, Bones." Jim squeezed his hand once before releasing it, laying his hand on Leonard's shoulder instead. "How's she doing?" 

"She'll be fine. You did well, Jim. You might do well to consider a back-up career as nurse." 

"Well, I'm not quite done captaining yet." Jim murmured throatily, and Leonard reached for him, pulling him to sit over his thighs. Jim snorted at him, laughing, throwing an arm around Leonard's shoulders to try to steady himself. "Uhura called. She's back in San Francisco and wreaking havoc as she does best. Apparently, the Admirals after you are backing off. Seems that some of them pressured the other ones into chasing after you." Jim pressed a kiss to the spot under Leonard's ear, beside the hinge of his jaw, and Leonard wrapped his arms around Jim's waist, coffee forgotten for the time being. "You know...I'm really too old for lap-sitting." 

"This is true, but I find myself caught between wanting to cuddle you and being unable to convince myself to leave this room so we can go back to bed." 

"Well damn." Jim murmured. "Fine, you get me for another," Jim made a show of checking a watch which he didn't actually wear, "oh, ten minutes. Then I have to go back downstairs." 

"Why?" 

Jim smiled, stroking a thumb over Leonard's lower lip, "Bones, love. We only have the one rule: Never ask anything you don't want to know the answers to." 

Leonard choked slightly, trying gallantly not to laugh out loud, because he had no doubt he'd wake Jo if he let himself get going. Jim grinned impishly, stealing a kiss. "You're using your powers for good, not evil, yes?" 

"Mmm, let's leave it at 'I'm using my powers _for you_ '. Too much evil had been done by people for the greater good. More and more, it's all grey-area to me." Leonard felt his heart break at that; that Jim had lost the beacon of goodness that Starfleet had been for him, and that he was left trying to find the smaller embers of goodness, to see if he could stoke them into something bigger. 

Leonard pressed a kiss to Jim's temple, shifting to put the coffee down before wrapping Jim even tighter in his arms, fingers carding through his hair. "We'll use each other as a focal point, so we don't lose sight of what goodness looks like." 

Jim traced his fingers over Leonard's temple, down the column of his neck to brush along the line of his collar. Leaning their foreheads together, they both closed their eyes, and even though they were standing on a precipice of trying to figure out a way to hide in this world as a family and all the trials and tribulations that would come with that, they took that moment and held onto it for as long as they could, just as they would hold onto each other. Taking a slow sip of air, Jim rubbed their noses together, grinning into the kiss he teased them into. Jim squirmed slightly, reaching for Leonard's hand, weaving their fingers together to raise his hand to his mouth, kissing his knuckles, the glint in his eye speaking of that love affair Jim had with Leonard's hands. Leonard twisted their entwined hands to peck a kiss to Jim's wrist. Jim hummed, catching his hand against Leonard's cheek, weight shifting fractionally, and Leonard knew that time was up on his ten minutes. 

"Come downstairs when you're ready." Jim murmured softly, planting a firm kiss to his forehead as he slid to his feet as carefully as possible and sliding out the door. 

Shaking his head, Leonard reached for the coffee, taking comfort in the fact that Jim had gotten it right; that Jim knew him, in all the ways Leonard had thought no one ever would be able to. 

Without malice for the first time since that body bag had been brought into his Med Bay, Leonard wondered what trusting Jim with his secret would have felt like, without adding Jim to the number infected with C24. His trust in Jim had been absolute from a ridiculously early time in their relationship, Leonard knew himself enough to know that, but even though he'd wanted to, he still hadn't given voice to his secrets, no matter that Jim could carry them faithfully. Leonard came to consider if he'd already known in his heart of hearts that Jim had had his suspicions regarding the identity of John Grimm, and just as quickly discarded that notion; he was good at sensing things no one else seemed to see, but Jim had managed to completely hide even a flicker of his suspicions. As Joanna settled further into her rest, Leonard found himself able to get up, leaning over to press a kiss to her hair before he turned and slipped silently from the room, palming the door closed behind him. 

Jim was easing a quiche out of the pie plate as he came down, the scent of the baked cheese mixing with asparagus, artichokes, and ham; the leftovers from dinner the night before mixed into the day's breakfast. Jim was humming an old love song, just off-key, and Leonard had to smile as he lingered just in the doorway, tilting his head to watch as Jim moved about the space with ease. 

It was greedy of him to want it, he knew, but as he watched Jim happily interact with a space that was so clearly _theirs_ , he wanted the freedom to stay there. To stay this comfortable, this happy, for the rest of their never-ending lives. But Leonard knew how greedy that thought was; Jim was made for the stars, was not ready to give them up, no matter what he claimed. Leonard owed it to Jim to let him have his life. 

Jim had said that if Leonard asked, he would leave Leonard and Joanna, would go back to the black and draw all eyes to him, give them an opening to let them slip away. Leonard hated even thinking of asking so much that it was a physical pain; a crushing weight in his chest, choking him for a long moment. 

As if sensing distress, Jim turned to him, and the look on his face was enough to have Jim at his side, pulling him into Jim's arms, in a heartbeat. Jim wrapped his hand around the back of Leonard's neck, gently tilting his face into Jim's throat, and Leonard's hands found themselves gripping Jim by the hips, his grip more than likely hard enough to bruise. "I love you," Jim whispered, "even if everything else in the 'verse falls apart, Bones, that will hold true. We will figure this out." 

Leonard sucked in a painful breath, his arms finally wrapping tight around Jim. “I’m so sorry, darlin’. I never—“ 

“Should have saved me?” 

“Gods, kid, of course I don’t regret saving you, just the way in which I did it.” 

“Leonard Horatio McCoy, you’ve been alone in this world for far too long. I know how much you think it’s gonna cost me to be the person who finally makes it so you aren’t alone anymore, but what you’re not considering is the price I’d be _willing_ to pay for that chance. I wouldn’t want to go into the black without you, Bones. I keep trying to get that through your thick skull—tell me how to do that?” 

“I don’t...” 

Jim pressed into his space until he’d pressed Leonard back against the hall wall, stroking his hand over Leonard’s cheek, thumb tracing his lips and pressing gently to signal him to keep silent, “When I went into the black alone over those summer breaks, Bones, being without you for _that long_ was more than long enough.” 

“So I need to add ‘dangerously co-dependant’ to your file?” Leonard joked, completely uncaring that it hadn’t even needed to fall to end up flat. 

“You could, of course...” Jim murmured, “but I think you’re just as bad as I am.” 

Leonard smirked, shaking his head as he reached up to catch Jim’s fingers between his own, leaning in to kiss him softly. “I love you, kid. I wish...I wish this was easier.” 

Jim shrugged a shoulder, “I don’t want easy. I don’t care about easy.” 

Pressing a kiss to his forehead, Leonard brushed up and down his arm, “Still. I’m sorry.” 

“Just...let me in. Let me help. We both know I can.” 

“Be patient with me? I haven’t tried letting anyone in in...oh, two hundred years?” 

Jim snickered, leaning into him playfully and stealing a kiss before moving away, heading back for the kitchen. “I’ve waited this long to get into your leather pants, Bones. I think I’ve proven my patience.” 

“You still haven’t gotten me into my leather pants, Jim, let alone gotten me out of ‘em—hell, you only found out about my leather pants—“ Jim cut him off with a firm, nearly biting kiss, which was kind of what Leonard had been aiming for. 

“I will get you in those pants, Bones.” Jim murmured throatily, laying his flirtation on thick, smile sharp. “And you’ll love it when I get you out of them.” 

Leonard grinned, casting a once-over on Jim with as much salaciousness as he could inject into his gaze. “Oh, I don’t have any doubt in that, darlin’.” 

“Good.” Jim served up breakfast, freshening their coffees with a soft grin, “Tell me a story?” 

“What do you want to hear about?” Jim seemed to consider for a moment, but Leonard got the feeling it wasn't an indecision so much as a testing of the waters. Leonard reached over, covering Jim's hand with his and catching his gaze, "Darlin', I've had a lot of time to get comfortable with my past, and I'm comfortable to promise you that, if you ever come up with a question I honestly don't want to answer, I will tell you, and I'll tell you why." 

Jim took a deep breath, "Would you tell me...about your family?" 

Leonard let a small smile play over his features, nodding as he released Jim's hand and took up his fork, "Sam and I were twins, you know that. We were born in 2020, and our parents were a microbiologist and a forensic anthropologist--two of the first offered positions on the Olduvai team. They brought us with them up there...it wasn't safe, they never should have had us make the trip through the Ark, but Sam and I weren't injured. ...We were eleven when they died. We'd gotten into a fight, and it'd distracted them...the dig collapsed because one of the machines they were using to try to separate the bone from the sedimentary rock got away from my father." Jim's features were a mask of a long-dead anguish, and Leonard shook his head slowly, long-past it. "Sam...We'd both been taught a lot. I could easily have become a doctor then. But I was...I was angry. With myself, with the world. When the dig had collapsed, a team much like the RRTS was deployed for relief efforts. I wanted...I wanted to be there, for things that people needed help through. I wanted to go into a situation and stop it. I ended up with the RRTS because of my legendary hands. I was--I am...steady enough to make a shot through the sniper scope of another sniper's gun, a shot that was only ever done before by Carlos Hathcock during the Vietnam War." Leonard blinked himself back into the warm, comfortable kitchen that was slowly gathering light as the sun rose outside, and away from the memory of Sarge's orders in his ear. "Sam was furious that I wasn't going to...be all I could be, I suppose." Leonard let a smile curl at his lips, and Jim caught it. 

"Wasn't that a thing?" 

"It was, yeah." Leonard chuckled. "Sammy was upset with me that I was squandering my brains...I was upset that she was chasing the thing that got our parents killed. We had a drag-out fight after graduation--I was shipping to basic the next day, and she was getting ready to move to Boston for school. We didn't talk for nearly four years. Ultimately, one of her friends ended up in the middle of a warzone. My team and I were sent to extract them, and when Sam's friend saw me, she harassed Sam into reaching out." The fond curl of his voice was all too evident, and Jim was shaking his head. "What?" 

"That friend of Sam's was trying to get in your leather pants, Bonesy." 

"No," Leonard laughed, and Jim shot him the single most disbelieving look he had been on the receiving end of in a century. "Jim, n--" 

"I have never seen you with an RRTS semi-automatic, or in the body armour, but, Bones, you _have_ looked in the mirror at some point in the last two hundred years, right?" Leonard shifted uncomfortably trying to laugh it off, and Jim snorted at his attempt, "If I were in dire straights and someone who looks like you suddenly burst in to save my ass, I wouldn't have tried to get to you through your sister, I would have just jumped you and cut out the middle man." 

"No, you wouldn't--" 

"Why not?" Jim laughed. 

Leonard purse his lips, giving him a quelling look, but Jim shook his head, leaning his chin on his palm, "She just...she wasn't interested in me, Jim." Jim rolled his eyes, but gestured for Leonard to continue his story. "Sam and I started exchanging birthday cards." 

"That's an improvement." Jim teased. 

"For us it was." Leonard defended himself, knowing that that was utterly no use. 

"Bones, that's just bad." Jim giggled. 

"Yes, because you and your brother Sam are so much closer than me and my sister Sam." Jim stuck his tongue out at that, and Leonard scoffed. "Infant." 

"Fine, I'll give you that, but she was your _twin_ , Bones." 

"We had a mutual understanding not to ask anything we really didn't want to know the answer to, and not to volunteer any information that wasn't asked for." 

"That just...sounds so healthy." 

"Oh, you infant!" 

"Okay, I'm done, I promise, Bones. Go on." 

"Sam and I were strangers when we went through Olduvai together." Leonard didn't have to put voice to the fact that Sam's faith in him had been astonishing to begin with, but awe-inspiring when their estrangement was really considered. "I carried her out of the Ark...we only just made it out before the Ark was bombed. The wall went up the next year, the government claiming that the incident caused side-effects." Leonard caught the look of confusion on Jim's face, and shrugged, "There wasn't any proof. I ended up on the side of the wall people wanted to be on, and even I thought it was nothing more than a wealth-gap power play." 

"Unlike the walls that went up during the Megacities." Jim murmured, looking haunted by the history lessons he'd no doubt went through. 

"Those walls were for show more than to be of any actual use." Leonard murmured, shaking his head. "Thinking you can contain fallout like that..." Drifting away from those memories, Leonard shook his head again, "I have to say, this is the most-idyllic set up of society I've had the privilege of living to see." 

"Bones," Jim murmured, leaning into Leonard and easing him into a kiss as light and fleeting as the flutter of a moth’s wing. 

“I’m fine, kid.” 

Jim did not look at all moved by that assertion, taking Leonard’s hand and weaving their fingers together. “You’ve been through far too much, Bones. I love you.” 

“I got here.” Leonard reminded him. 

“Doesn’t feel like a fair trade, Bones.” Jim sighed. 

“You’ve lived through a lot of the same stuff I have, Jim, over a fraction of the time I’ve had to muddle through to be the balanced and healthy individual you see before you.” 

“You fucking goofball.” Jim snorted, rolling his eyes. Leonard grinned at him, “You’ve been through so much more—“ 

“More time. Hardly more experience.” Leonard laughed softly, leaning forward to kiss Jim’s forehead. “Don’t discount what you’ve seen and done—the miracles you’ve performed.” 

“Dammit, man, I’m a Captain, not a miracle worker.” Jim teased. 

“You say that as if I’ve said this more than twice.” Leonard teased throatily. 

Jim grinned, leaning in and kissing Leonard as if they had nothing to worry about. Leonard brushed his fingertips over Jim's fingers, Jim shivering at the caress of Leonard's touches as his breath caught and his pupils blew, the gravitational pull between them catching at Leonard's will, and he had to wonder when he stopped thinking and allowed himself to wrap Jim in his arms, kissing his lips as if nothing existed beyond the house and the people he loved cradled safely within it. 

Small feet on the stairs sounded, and Jim leaned their foreheads together, an unstoppable smile on his mouth as he visibly gathered himself, straightening and turning to greet Joanna with a proffered hug, picking her up and spinning her around when she ran into his arms. "How're you feeling, sweetheart?" Leonard asked, smiling when he saw her smile. 

"All better, princess?" Jim asked, and Joanna nodded, but cuddled her face into Jim's neck as if she was trying to go back to sleep. 

Leonard drew close, laying a hand over Joanna's back and smiling softly at Jim's soft look. "What do you wanna do today, hon?" 

Jo shifted enough so that she could speak without Jim's neck getting in the way, but refused to raise her head. "You need to pull the lavender out today, Dad." She reminded softly. Leonard took mental note that her throat didn't sound too much different, if she had a sore one, but that her voice was a little thicker than usual, which he took to be phlegm. 

"Right...You still up for distracting Jim?" Joanna nodded into Jim's neck, and he shot a look over his shoulder as Leonard went back to the breakfast, effectively leaving Joanna to snuggle Jim. 

"I made some breakfast...you wanna give it a try?" Jim coaxed softly, and Joanna sighed, shaking her head no and relaxing into him even further. "Gonna just fall asleep on me?" Joanna nodded again, and Leonard bit down on a laugh, because he knew she was toying with him. Jim caught it, however, his eyes narrowing and mouth twisting down into a ridiculous pout, "You McCoys are mean." 

"You're comfy, Kirk." Joanna replied primly, and Leonard cracked up. 

"Is that all I am to you? A body pillow?" Jim asked as if mortally wounded by the notion. 

"You do make a good one, kid." Leonard told him, "I didn't even like cuddlin' before you came along. Only on Tuesdays and bank holidays, right, pumpkin?" Leonard dished up a plate for Joanna, and she giggled, nodding along. Truth to tell, Leonard was a lot more affectionate with Jim than he had been with anyone else, but that in large part was because Jim was so starved for it; because Leonard had seen Jim needing affection, and chasing it up all the wrong proverbial trees. "Let's start with some quiche an' I'll make you some fruit salad, huh, pumpkin?" 

"Yep!" Joanna squeaked, bursting upright from Jim's neck with enough sudden momentum that Jim very nearly panicked trying to compensate for the sudden shift. "Can I have a cocoa?" 

"'Course, peach." Jim laughed, setting her in his abandoned chair at the kitchen island and planting a kiss to her forehead. 

Leonard served up the first part of breakfast, kissing the top of her head and resisting the urge to check her temperature. He pulled out blackberries, peaches, apples, a grapefruit, and a mango, pulling out a knife and bringing out a bowl for him to prepare into. Jim moved around him, bringing down a mug for Joanna's cocoa. "I think after the lavender is gone, we should have a picnic." Joanna asserted. 

"I like that plan!" Jim agreed, grinning sunnily, "Would you like to go horseback riding?" 

Leonard laughed openly at the look of complete excitement that lit Joanna's features at that offer, shaking his head as he drizzled pineapple juice laced with ginger over the fruit. 

Jim's hands busied themselves in Joanna's hair as soon as he was finished preparing her cocoa, weaving the dark locks as if they were meant to be constructed into an intricate braid. She smiled happily as Jim murmured to her about making flower crowns on the picnic and if the two of them could pin Leonard down long enough to get a crown into place. "Good luck with that, kid." Leonard growled, putting on a show of being resistant to the idea of having the two people he loved most working together to bring him down. 

"We should make his out of sunflowers." Jim decided, and Joanna looked confused. 

"Why? Aren't they too big?" 

"We'll find smaller ones. And only sunflowers will suit his sunny disposition, of course, peach."


	15. Bleed Me Dry Each and Every Time (I Would Come Back 1000 Times)

Leonard was leaning back against a willow tree on the edge of their property, Jim sitting between his legs and Joanna sitting between Jim's, the three of them wrapped up together to stargaze. Leonard knew when Jo fell asleep to the soft recitation of the myths attached to the constellations Jim most loved, but neither man made to move. 

"I've put the house under an alias." Jim whispered finally, a long enough time having passed that Joanna would be well asleep. "Set up a bank account...I've asked Bettany to help me funnel money to you--" 

"Jim?" Leonard asked, needing to stop the deluge because he knew that he did not like what it meant. 

"I've gotten you out from under the Admiralty...but the best way to keep you out from under them is for you to return to being a private citizen, and Boyce and I both know that. Which would mean...that opportunity arises, then, for me to go into the black and pull all eyes on me--just like--" 

"Stop." Leonard managed, choked. Jim's hands slid into Leonard's, and Leonard wrapped their arms around Jim and Joanna, sandwiching him tight. "The Enterprise won't be ready for another--" 

"Two months, Bones. Only two months." Jim interrupted, voice so small that it was a physical ache to hear it. "Scotty needs me to go back to San Fran to help him with the upgrades." 

Leonard's breath caught in his throat, and it suddenly made sense why Jim had felt off all day. "I'm sure Jo would love--" 

"We'd have to get permission to take her, Bones. But the best argument for you gaining sole custody is if you're grounded anyway." Jim raised a hand to stop Leonard from cutting him off, "I spoke to Margot, and she knows you've been getting offers from hospitals left and right planetside. She thinks you could open your own practice if you wanted to. I think you could, too. You and Jo could have an amazing life here." 

"Kid, I don't...what happens to you?" 

"I go back to the black...figure out where the 'Fleet is hiding Kodos, draw all eyes away from you guys...and then disappear. You mentioned finding a planet and settling there was your plan--" 

Leonard let out a sigh, "Let's go in. I...I wanna be able to talk properly about this, darlin'." 

Jim picked Joanna up, and Leonard grabbed the blanket and thermos, their walk back and putting Joanna to bed done in silence. Leonard waited for Jim downstairs as Jim tucked his daughter in for the night, the scent of their dinner still hanging in the air, and the quiet of the house pressing the air out of Leonard's lungs, because he knew that the house would remain this silent for too long if Jim were to actually do what they needed done. Leonard had his back to the door as Jim came down the stairs, and suddenly he was dead-set against turning to face Jim, even though he'd asked to do just that. "I love you, Bones. Too much to risk Jo to being selfish." Jim's tread came closer, and Leonard raised his head to stare out the kitchen window, but all he could see was their reflection. "I know that it's a risk to go out there...I don't have the training you do, and getting hurt is a huge risk to keeping our secret. But, Bones, I can buy you some time by taking that risk." 

Leonard whirled around, and Jim fell back against the kitchen island as Leonard drew in close and pinned him there. 

Jim's fingers were light, careful with him as he reached up to stroke back the fall of Leonard's hair, "You're not gonna be alone again, Bones. For as long as I manage to keep my ass alive, you'll never be as alone as you were. I promise you that. I would marry you tomorrow if it didn't call splitting us up into question. If there was some way for us to get away with it, I wouldn't split us up...but I can't figure out how to do it." 

The frustration clear in Jim's voice had Leonard pulling Jim into his arms, Jim's face moving to nuzzle Leonard's throat. Jim clung to his jacket, shaking in Leonard's arms, and Leonard understood with perfect clarity how utterly this was tearing Jim apart. "You've been working on this more than you let on." Leonard deduced, and Jim's breath stuttered over a sad facsimile of a laugh, "Of course you have." Sighing, Leonard slowly disengaged, moving to the cupboard in which he'd discovered a very good bottle of bourbon, a selection of whiskeys, and a couple of bottles of wine when he'd gone investigating. Pouring each of them a few fingers, Leonard handled Jim the glass before taking his free hand, leading them to the couch and throwing them both into the plush depths, one arm flung to land over Jim's shoulders, comfortably pulling Jim into his side. "We haven't even talked to Jo about comin' into the black with us. Last I heard, you were still pushin' for that." 

"I was--I am. But, Bones, we've lost so many people up there. Risking her..." 

Leonard had to concede that point. There were dangers inherent in living anywhere, of course; and while Leonard knew that had he not snuck Jim onto the Enterprise; had Jim not managed to stop the Narada, then Earth and the little girl he'd left living on it would have been wiped out for a mad man's quest for vengeance. He knew well that Jim knew that, too, "We...the 'Fleet, the fucking 'verse--need you up there. You keep savin' us, after all." Jim snorted, shaking his head. "No?" 

"It's not me alone, you know that. We make a damn good team." Jim swallowed heavily, "Not sure I could've done much of it--if any of it--without you." 

"Oh, and now you're all gung-ho to get rid of me? Sounds to me like we need to change our perspective on this thing, and figure something else out." 

"I don't know how else to look at it, Bones." 

"Let's start with not looking at it alone." Leonard offered, "You get outta your head--I get outta mine. We do this how we've done everything else we've managed to do: we do it together." 

"How do we start?" 

"We talk to Jo about you going into the black, or her coming with us into the black." Leonard decided, "We tell her about every part of both--the good, the bad, and the ugly...and we let her weigh in on what she wants. She can't make the full decision, but maybe she can help us to figure out what the decision has to be." 

Jim nuzzled into his chest, letting out a soft sigh as Leonard shifted to tug and massage through Jim’s hair, the contact making Jim purr like a cat. “You still can’t deny that you’d be more likely to win custody if you were grounded, Bones." 

"Martin Darnell is expecting me to be alone in this, though, kid. He doesn't know just how hard I'll fight, because when Jocelyn came after me, I wasn't in any position to fight as hard as I needed to in order to win." 

"And now you have me." Jim murmured, cuddling into him, "And we don't lose." 

"No, we really don't." Leonard agreed on a huff of a laugh, shaking his head. "You and I are terrible at losin'."

Settled in together as they were, Jim began to drift off, head cradled on Leonard's shoulder, the tension bound up in him apparently held at bay for now, because he had Leonard beside him. More than anything else, Leonard knew that Jim was nowhere near truly setting down the burden of their burgeoning life together; that they needed more than Leonard knew how to give them in order to sort this out in a way that wouldn't break both their hearts. 

In the grand scheme of things, letting Jim go for a few years wasn't that bad of a plan; it would only be a few years, and Leonard had survived for centuries without him. It shouldn't have been a hardship to think of a time where he would let Jim go. But it felt like he was being asked to make due without a limb--and the risk of losing Jim in the black hadn't lessened to Leonard, really; not at all. Losing Jim in the black was still a threat looming over him, and Leonard wasn't sure he could deal with facing down being a 'Fleet spouse left behind to wonder. The attack on Vulcan had proven very effectively that there were dangers inherent _everywhere_ , and Leonard could see Jim's point; knew that they had lost far too much for either of them to be truly comfortable bringing Joanna with them...but he was also blazingly aware that, by hook or by crook, Jim always saved the ones he loved, and for that alone, Leonard couldn't help but feel as though the safest place for Jo would be by their side in the black. 

He'd given Boyce very specific outlines of the ways in which Leonard had programmed bugs into the 'Fleet medical equipment to fool the damn things into thinking he was human, and had helped Boyce undo the bugs on a few of their instruments for use while Sarge was in their care. He wasn't sure now what Jim was planning to do to get rid of Sarge, but he was sure he didn't want to know. It was better for him to think that his oldest friend was dead, and had died on Olduvai, being overtaken by those monsters. 

Jim roused beside him, leaning further into him and smiling slightly, "Oh, good, I didn't miss you carrying me to bed." Leonard snorted, shaking his head at this, and Jim cracked an eye open to sweep his gaze over Leonard's face before rolling it closed again, "Whatcha thinkin' 'bout, Bonesy?" Jim groaned, reaching up blindly to trace at a frown line in the corner of Leonard's mouth. 

"Sarge." Leonard admitted, catching Jim's hand and wrapping their fingers together. "I was always an insubordinate little shit, but I got the job done, and he knew it, so he just let it slide." He'd been lucky to go from Sarge to Sandra in that respect; but then, Jim would tell him that anyone worth their command would recognize an asset, even if that asset was an unquestionable pain in the ass. "He woulda gotten a kick outta you." 

"I do make decent comic relief." Jim mumbled, leaning his cheek against Leonard's shoulder again, eyes still closed. "Somehow, I never figured someone like him would much like people who don't necessarily follow all the rules." 

"He didn't," Leonard agreed, "but he did understand it, even if he didn't like it. You encourage people to push you; he was fine so long as he didn't know he was being pushed at the time." 

Jim snorted, "From what I've read, he knew, he just had an astounding ability to self-delude." 

Leonard laughed at that, considering his old friend and considering what Jim could have found to read about him. Most of their work had been so heavily classified as to have constituted a “black-ops” status—and with the decimation of the wars, he'd honestly thought that most of the records of what they'd done would have been long-forgotten, even with the recovery teams trying to restore the files that had been lost. Leonard hadn't been brave enough to ask what Jim had found of his friends. Hadn't wanted to face down the urge to see for himself, once he knew what there was to see of his past. 

He knew that Jim had started researching Joseph Dredd; knew that mostly because he'd walked in on Jim staring at a photo of Dredd from the coverage of the Peach Trees debacle. He hadn't asked what all Jim had found, but Jim had offered him an impish grin and teased that had Leonard not developed the habit of smiling at him now, he'd've seriously worried that Leonard's face had actually gotten stuck in that frown. Jim had traced his thumb over the curve of Leonard's lower lip for long, silent moments that night, before wondering to himself how anyone in the world could mistake that mouth, why Leonard hadn't thought it necessary to delete those images, too. Leonard had snorted at him, pulling away with a roll of his eyes and tossing off something about the Clark Kent effect, which Jim had had to look up, but Leonard had grown up on the heels of Superman's last true burst of popularity, and wondered to himself how much of the old pop culture he could introduce Jim to on their movie nights now that he didn't have to come up with an explanation on the fly of how he'd heard of a particular movie. 

"Let's go to bed." Leonard urged quietly, and Jim hummed, making no move to get up, instead tightening his fist in Leonard's shirt as if to hold him back. 

"Talk to me, Bones." Jim murmured. 

"What do you want to hear me tell, Jim?" 

Jim looked up at him finally, the cool blue of his eyes more devastatingly assessing than anything had a right to be. "You picked Leonard because it was your grandfather's name?" Jim paused for confirmation then, since they hadn't really talked about that titbit that Leonard had admitted to during their family dinner with the crew, but Leonard should've known it would not have been forgotten. Leonard nodded that he had, "Who was Joseph?" 

Jim had accessed the records of Olduvai; he'd dug hard for a sign of John Grimm. He knew who Joseph was. "My father. Joseph David Grimm." Leonard sounded lost, even to his own ears. He'd put the loss of his parents behind him long before he'd even been infected by C24, however, and didn't understand quite why his voice had gone on him. "He was a good man...I don't think he would've liked the path I chose as Dredd." 

"You mean fighting for justice...working against all odds to try to uphold order and protect people? No, fathers really don't go for that kind of thing." 

"He wouldn't have liked everything that being a Judge entailed. He probably wouldn't have liked that I'd gone into the RRTS, either." 

Jim cleared his throat, sitting up. "I love you, Bones, but I think you're crazy if you think they're not proud as hell. I know I am." 

"I'm a killer, Jim--even if my motives were--" 

"Bones, you did not murder people. You executed them. Your motives don't matter in the slightest; theirs do. Even as the sharpest shooter on the RRTS, people died at the end of your sniper scope, but, gorgeous, you were only called in in the worst of situations; they died because they needed to be put down in order for their reigns of terror to end." 

Leonard shook his head, "Intellectually I know that...but part of me's always wondered who got to decide that one of those men deserved to build the world in their image more than another." 

Sitting up and shifting so that he faced Leonard more directly, Jim's eyes were hooded, his gaze focused on his hands, now curled in his lap. He was dragging in slow breaths, his tongue flicking over his lips, and Leonard realized that he'd slowly been gaining tension, only visible now because he was trembling slightly, "Kodos...deserved to die, for what he did." Jim managed, voice on a knife's edge. "I started reading about Olduvai...got my hands on every mission report I could from the RRTS records...and some nights, Reaper and Sarge and Destroyer were there in Tarsus, protecting us. Saving us. Doing what I couldn't. Doing what I had to when the options ran out and we had to either kill, or--" 

Leonard hooked a hand behind Jim's neck, shifting on the couch so that they were facing each other fully, but not touching him in any other way. The anger that had made him so effective as Reaper and Dredd was nearly bile in the back of his throat, and for the first time since he'd become Leonard, he didn't fight away from it. "We would have destroyed every gun-toting idiot there, Jim. I woulda saved you. Of course I would've saved you, darlin'." Tipping Jim's head slightly so that he could look into his eyes, Leonard only got the briefest flash of blue registered before Jim was pushing into his space, slotting his mouth over Leonard's in a kiss that was sloppy and desperate and tinged with the memories of a child's imagining of his knight in shining armour. Leonard wrapped an arm around Jim's back for support as Jim slid forwards to straddle his lap, Jim's arms wrapping tight around his neck despite the fact that their kiss was nothing more than the clumsy slide of lips and the sharing of air. 

"Anyone claims you're not a fucking hero--send 'em to me, Bones. I'll set 'em right." Jim told him, voice rough as gravel in a scraped knee. "Including you." 

Rubbing soothingly up and down Jim's back, Leonard breathed Jim in, his own imaginings of that gangly kid with the too-big blue eyes surrounded by the horrors Leonard didn't have to see photos of to know intimately pressed at his mind despite Jim being warm and alive in his arms. Leonard didn't know how to soothe back the memories; but he was thankful to know that Jim hadn't thought him a monster, or the actions of the RRTS potentially monstrous. Jim was the best man he'd ever known, and hearing that in his darkest times Jim had looked back and found him for relief from the demons trying to undo his sanity, was a blessing Leonard didn't think anyone would ever deserve, least of all him. 

"I...I have a confession to make." Jim told him shakily, and Leonard's forehead crumpled in concern, but he nodded to go on, "I can't...I know I was supposed to, but I don't think I can go looking...." Breathing hitching, Jim pressed his lips together, and Leonard knew him well enough to know what Jim was referring to. 

"Darlin', who the fuck gave you the idea that _you_ had to look into it--let alone look into it _alone_." Leonard shifted them again so that he could hug Jim tighter then went for broke and laid down fully with Jim ensconced on his chest, the protective urge bound up in his chest screaming to keep Jim wrapped up beside him all over again with everything brought back to the surface. "I'm pretty good with computer systems, too, you know. Not as good as you, but proficient enough to fake a life. Get me in the systems, and I can tell you what identities aren't real." 

Jim shivered into his embrace, nodding, and Leonard drew one of the blankets Bettany had apparently knit for them down, wrapping them both up tight. "So what are we gonna name me?"

"You know? You look like a Chris to me." Leonard teased, one long hand rubbing up and down the length of Jim's spine as soothingly as possible. "Would that work?" 

Jim was smiling; Leonard could feel it even if he couldn't see it with Jim's head pillowed on his chest, and Leonard pressed a kiss to Jim's hair, weaving his finger through the blond locks as they settled, ready to sleep even if it wasn't in the smartest of places.


	16. "Son, You Can't Fight the Sunshine" (Momma Didn't Raise No Fool)

Joanna was happily skipping between them as they moved through the shuttle bay, the San Francisco chill different from the cold of a Georgian nightfall around them, but Jo was happily bundled in the leather coat Jim had procured for her. "Daddy, are we gonna see the Academy?" 

"We can, but it's just a bunch of buildings, pumpkin." Leonard replied uneasily. 

"Bones! It's a bunch of buildings out of which came the best Captain-CMO team to ever have lived!" Jim exclaimed, and Joanna giggled at his exuberance.

"You're talking about Chris and I, right, kid?" Boyce cut in by way of greeting, and Jim's look of shock to see the older doctor there was worth Leonard having had to talk Boyce into coming to meet them. 

"Phil!" Jim beamed, hugging him one-armed before turning to introduce Joanna to Phil. 

“Leonard, this exquisite creature can't possibly be related to you!" Phil teased, and Joanna giggled. "She's far too lovely." 

"You old snake." Leonard laughed, shaking his head, and Jim scoffed at them both. 

"It's nice to meet you, Doctor Phil." Joanna murmured meekly, and Boyce crouched in front of her immediately. 

"You can call him Uncle Phil, sweetheart." Leonard assured her. Phil looked up, surprised that Leonard would lay claim to family status, and his features turned soft with gratitude. "If that's alright with you, of course." 

"I would be honoured." Boyce told them both, holding out a hand for Joanna to shake, then offering a hug instead. 

Leonard hadn't yet broached with Jim a good deal of why Boyce and he had had the opportunity to collude: the request from Sarge to see him sitting heavy on his back, but it was something that he had to decide for himself, because it was a decision he would have to live with, one way or the other. Boyce walked with them, and Leonard noticed the tension riding his shoulders was worse than that riding his own. 

"What's going on, boss?" Leonard asked quietly as Jim pointed out things that Joanna could find interesting. 

"I heard...a distressing rumour." Boyce cast a glance over Leonard's shoulder to Jim as he swung Joanna up, off her feet, to a scream of giggles, "Winona Kirk is planetside...and in SF." 

The only reason why Leonard losing step wasn't noticeable was because they had to pause as a gaggle of other pedestrians intercepted their course, and the look he shot Boyce was nothing short of ire as he hissed, "Why?" 

Winona Kirk had not seen either of her sons since they were children, and she hadn't been planetside since the 'Fleet had made it mandatory for Jim to be released into her custody. The only time Winona had ever contacted Jim since had been during their Academy days, and the damage she'd done with their hour-long comm had been bad enough that Leonard had had to call Pike in to intervene, if only to stop Jim from complete renal failure, or getting his fool head smashed in for good. He still didn't know what Winona had said to her son to send him spiralling, and to be honest, he hadn't cared to. He'd only wanted to fix what had been broken, and help Jim find some sort of peace, in any way he could. 

When Jim had returned from his short vacation in the Pike-Boyce household, he'd folded into quiet nights, old movies, and companionship that had lasted for months before Jim had gotten back to his itinerant flirting once again. Leonard had been whatever Jim had needed of him, more than willing to provide whatever succour he could in the face of the heartbreak inherent in losing every family member he'd had. Leonard wanted nothing more than to be family to Jim from then on; in whatever way Jim would have him, all else be damned. He would stand by Jim through every iota of pain Jim needed him to withstand. Jim would've told him, again, that he had always been Jim's bones; the strength at the core, the foundations to build up all else there was, had Jim ever needed to realise it. And if Winona was back, Leonard knew he would be able to withstand whatever Jim needed of him, but he wasn't certain what the storm would bring. 

"Len, I don't have any answers for you." Boyce murmured softly. "What do you need?" 

Leonard sighed, and though he ached to touch Jim for himself, the secure knowledge that Jim's hand was clutched in Joanna's was enough for now. There was no more that Leonard could ask for without knowing what he'd need; the early warning the best gift he could've been given. 

"Auntie Ny!" Joanna shrieked, beaming, and from the crowd, Uhura emerged, grinning as she ducked slightly, throwing her arms open to catch Jo as she broke off from between them to launch herself into a hug. 

During their stay after Joanna had woken, the three women who ran their lives had completely won Joanna McCoy to their side--just as thoroughly as Bettany had, setting up to finish painting Joanna's mural with Joanna telling her stories from atop a step ladder. Margot had approved, as much as she could approve when she hadn't been asked. 

"How is my princess doing today?" Nyota asked fondly, reaching to hook an arm behind Jim's neck and pull him in for a quick squeeze before turning to Leonard and going up on tip-toes to press a kiss to his cheek. 

"We got to fly on a shuttle, and Jim showed me how the inertial dampeners worked--" Joanna started babbling excitedly about flight, and Leonard had to bite back a laugh, because in no time at all, Jim had all-but convinced her to become a pilot. 

"I called the cavalry...figured for our first night back, we could do that picnic we talked about; let Jo meet everyone." Jim murmured softly, grinning as he orbited closer to Leonard's side. Leonard caught his hand, squeezing and giving him a happy grin. 

"Sounds amazin'." Leonard agreed, "Boyce, you're comin', too." Boyce's mouth fell open as if to protest, but Jim shot him a look, lips pursed, taunting him to actually try to kick up a fuss with that look alone. 

Jim sat with Joanna and Nyota in the back seat, Leonard and Boyce in the front as they drove out into the mid-afternoon traffic. "You're gonna like meeting Demora Sulu, Jo, she's a lot of fun. She's younger than you, but I have fun with her--I think you will, too." Nyota winked, grinning. Jo was s sunny as Leonard had ever seen her, cuddled into Jim's side so that she could look at Nyota with her wide, brown eyes. The sun the three of them had gotten set her aglow from within, and with the matching smile crinkling the corners of Jim's eyes, Leonard could almost imagine that they had always been this family. 

Joanna had chosen not to see Jocelyn, and life support for Jocelyn was scheduled to be disabled that day. Together, Leonard and Joanna had said goodbye to Jocelyn in the backyard of the house in Georgia; the two of them planting a peach tree in her honour, lighting candles and sitting together for a few hours, just talking about the best parts of Jocelyn they had. When they'd gone inside, Jim had made them dinner, leaving with Bettany and Margot for the night to give them privacy, even if they didn't want nor need it. 

That Martin Darnell had agreed to allow Joanna to go to San Francisco with them had been a surprise; though maybe not as surprising as it really could have been, given that Jim had made another call. Leoanrd wasn't supposed to have known about this call, but Jim hadn't been particularly subtle in sneaking away to make it. 

Pulling up to Fay Park, Leonard caught sight of a massive gathering of people, Scotty and Chekov running for the car once they'd come to a stop, and Leonard had to laugh as they fell over each other to meet Joanna. "Kid? You've outdone yourself." Leonard told him, voice throaty with laughter, and Jim grinned at him from over the top of the car, walking around to be swept up in a crushing hug from Gaila. Gaila turned on him next, and Leonard had to laugh as she started talking a mile a minute about the ship and their work on it. Scotty circled close, and Gaila tucked her arm through his, her grin blinding. "So the ship's doin' well--how are you doin', dear?" Leonard chuckled, taking advantage of a seconds-long lull in Gaila's over-excited rundown. 

"I'm doing well! Thank you!" Leonard ended up in another hug, this time with Scotty dragged along for the ride. Leonard felt an impact with his legs, and he laughed. Gaila jerked back, looking down and letting out a shrill squeak of unadulterated joy in catching sight of Joanna wrapped around him. "Oh my Gods! You must be Joanna! Oh, sweetheart, you're amazing!" Gaila was on her knees suddenly, and Joanna leaned into Leonard for all of three seconds before she launched herself along with Gaila, practically jumping with her anticipation. 

"Come on!" Nyota urged, and Joanna and Gaila were dashing off, leaving Leonard catching Scotty from being bowled over. 

Jim and Boyce were laughing as they joined them, Jim clapping Leonard's shoulder before moving to join in the gathering, Scotty going with him. 

"Shouldn't've told you. You're gonna be distracted all day, huh?" Boyce sighed. 

"No...because she's walking towards us right now. I'm as focused as you'll ever see me." 

Boyce jerked slightly, double-taking to follow Leonard's line of sight to see the blonde head just barely visible, striding through the throngs of people. "Well, damn." Boyce growled, and by silent agreement, the two doctors headed for Jim where he was talking with a gathering of the Science officers who helped Sulu with his botany lab. "Plan?" 

"Minimise damage and pray?" Leonard offered, and Boyce shook his head. 

"Bones?" Jim asked, falling out of the conversation when Leonard and Boyce had drawn close enough for him to see their faces. "What's--oh." Jim's joy shuttered immediately, and Leonard grit his teeth, moving into his side and wrapping their hands together. "I...This'll be interesting." 

"My goodness, Commander Kirk!" Boyce boomed, winking at Leonard as he broke off and headed to intercept her. 

"Commander Kirk? Is that...?" Sulu craned around to try to catch a glimpse of Winona Kirk. 

"Yes, that's my mother." Jim confirmed tightly. In all his time in the hospital, Jim hadn’t received so much as a comm from his mother, though he and Leonard had both gotten in touch with her CO to request the resource be made available to her, and they both knew the man well enough to be damned sure he’d passed the message along. Leonard had silently seethed, watching a never-ending parade of their own crewmates, refusing to disperse from San Fransicso until Jim had woken up, even if he didn’t have the gumption to see them all once he had woken. Keenser arriving with a chocolate-coated fruit basket larger than he was had been the tipping point for Leonard into forcing himself to let Winona’s coldness to her son go, because James Kirk had a better family than any blood bond could have given him. He just wished that Winona would choose to either be present, or to stay the hell away. Jim pasted on a patently false smile, “Mom! To what do we owe the pleasure?” 

Winona had brushed by Boyce, tacitly ignoring everyone else in their group—and then there was a happy shriek of delight, and a brown-haired blur ran and jumped, Jim’s movements to catch Joanna instinctive now as she wrapped her arms around him and started excitedly filling him in on playing with Demora and what Carol and Nyota were setting up. Jim had torn his attention away from his mother to focus on the girl in his arms, his smile turning into something soft as Joanna kept going, oblivious to any tension there had been. 

Winona seemed to falter finally, seeing her son with his arms full of a child, Leonard’s hand resting at the small of Jim’s back as he stepped forward to try to catch Joanna’s eye and encourage her to go back to playing. “But, _Dad_! Auntie Ny told me that Papa Jim’s the best hide-and-seek player in the ‘Fleet! She told me to ask you to help Demora and me and she and Gaila will be the seekers and then Carol and Demora will be hiders and Pavel and Christine will help me be seeker and then—“ 

“Alright, peach. I’ll help you out.” Jim cut in finally, laughing at the sheer exuberance. “First, though, I’d like to introduce you to my mama, Winona Kirk. Mom, this is Joanna McCoy.” 

Leonard wondered if Jim had caught onto the fact that Joanna had called him “Papa Jim”, but as Winona’s mouth twisted into something that was meant to be a smile, and Joanna politely smiled and waved, he figured Joanna had probably planned this, somehow; had seen his tension and Jim’s reaction and had intervened accordingly. Making a mental note to talk to her about boundaries and a second note to raise her damn allowance, Leonard smiled at Jo over the love of his life’s shoulder as Jim excused himself to accompany Joanna to the gaggle of Starfleet officers and children eagerly waiting to start their game. Leonard slid forward, offering his hand with an air of Southern charm laid on thick. “An’ I’m Leonard McCoy, ma’am.” 

“So you’re the one who thinks it a good idea to put Jim in charge of—“ 

“He regularly commands the best crew in the ‘Fleet, Winona; leaving him with children will probably be good for those kids.” Boyce rumbled. 

Winona turned to Boyce, her eyes narrowing and lips pursing, and Leonard bit back a sigh. “You’re that doctor that my son was staying with.” 

“My partner, Christopher Pike, and I had the honour of acting as mentors to Jim once he’d started the Academy,” Boyce’s tone implied no small wish that he’d gotten there sooner than that, his assessing gaze flicking over Winona as if he were already finding her wanting, “you and I did speak, once. If memory serves, you told me Jim wasn’t worth the resources the Academy would waste on him...and I told you to find a Klingon prison planet, and stay there, if that’s truly what you thought of your son.” 

Leonard had moved to disperse the gathering that Winona had intruded in on, but he could still hear every hissed word, and the choke that came from Hikaru beside him, indicating that Sulu had heard it, too. Sulu’s fists clenched, and Leonard clapped him on the arm, waiting until Hikaru’s defiant gaze raised to meet his before shaking his head once, “Trust me when I tell ya, kid, Phil’s got this.” Nodding to the children running and screaming with laughter as Jim chased them, Leonard forced himself to visibly soften, “Go play with your little girl; keep the winsome idiot distracted, and let the doctors do the dealing.” 

Hikaru’s jaw worked, but he nodded once, moving off and leaving Leonard to turn his full attention to the budding scene Winona was causing. “What are you doing, trying to keep my son from seeing me? You have no right!”

“We have no right beyond upholding his wishes, whatever they may be.” Leonard murmured steadily, clasping his hands behind his back as he planted himself between Winona and the direction her son’s wild laughter was coming from. “He spent four weeks in hospital—not even a comm from you. I called you before he woke, he called you after. We spoke to your CO. So I have to ask; what, exactly, do you think you’re doing here?” Leonard felt more than saw movement coming for them, and the cold, detached presence of Spock loomed into their gathering. “Mr. Spock, meet Winona Kirk. Winona, this is your son’s First Officer, Commander Spock.” 

Winona was stony faced, the icy set to her features so unlike Jim’s that Leonard couldn’t help but be thankful that Jim would never have to look at himself and wonder if he was becoming her. “I didn’t want to just comm—“ she tried, the pause just long enough to indicate an excuse, and Leonard sighed. 

“Dr. Kirk, it is to my understanding that you were offered leave when word first reached the Reliant, as I am acquainted with their head Science officer.” There was a question implied in the words, but nowhere near the tone, Spock’s entire demeanour set to take queues Leonard and Boyce’s. 

Winona’s mouth opened and closed. “We—I couldn’t get away until now.” 

Nyota appeared on Boyce’s other side, her features a mask of kindness though her eyes were cold with calculation. “Dr. Kirk, how lovely to meet you! Leonard, go save Jim from being tackled by your six-year-old.” The false levity of the first half of that was cut to the quick with the order of the second half, and Leonard allowed a small smirk as he nodded, turning just in time to see Jo take Jim down with a battlecry, Demora apparently bringing Pavel down at the same time. 

Hooking an arm around Joanna, Leonard let out a cry as he swung her up, off of Jim's chest, and she screamed happily, Jim laughing as he struggled to sit up. "Ah! Papa, save me!" Jo cried as Leonard wrapped around her and started tickling. 

"Oh, I don't know, peach! Your dad knows where I'm ticklish, too, if I'm getting on his bad side, you gotta make it worth my while." Leonard let out a yell of disbelief directed towards Jim even considering betraying him. He couldn't stop grinning, no matter how much he wanted to, though. 

"You traitor!" Leonard crowed as Jim rolled to his feet, grabbing Joanna out of his arms, and the two of them turned on him, Leonard letting out a shout as he ran. 

Winona was nowhere to be seen just a minute later, and Nyota came running with Demora precariously in her arms after him, Pavel left in their wake, getting picked up from the grass by a laughing Hikaru. One of the younger ensigns from Engineering gave an overwrought squeal of surprise, then joined in the chase at Demora's urging. With the wild lot of them all playing in the sun, Leonard took in the feeling of family wrapped around them all, and felt a wave of relief that they'd all managed to make it here.


	17. Left My Home in Georgia Headed for the 'Frisco Bay

Leonard poked his head into the library to find Jim and Joanna backlit against the blanket fort wall Jim had created for them, the quiet sound of Joanna reading aloud to Jim settling peace over him as he dried his hands from cleaning up their breakfast. They'd set up a blanket fort for Joanna to sleep under when she'd made it plain that she had no interest in sleeping on the couch. Jim had managed to order an inflatable mattress for her. In reality, Leonard had very nearly had to carry Jim to bed the night before because Jim had been talked into story after story with Joanna. 

"Hey, monsters, are you two gonna join the world today?" Leonard asked lightly. 

Joanna hummed, and Leonard saw her shadow look up to Jim, "I think we're all gonna have a quiet day today, Daddy." 

Jim nodded to her, and Leonard smiled, heaving a dramatic sigh, "There enough room in there for me?" 

"Oh, you'll find it such a hardship: we'll all have to cuddle!" Jim laughed. 

Leonard grouched loudly and went to crawl into the fort. "You two just woke up, are you already going to nap?" 

Jim pointed at him, grinning brightly, "Now that's an idea, Bones!" 

Joanna grinned, pulling Leonard in between them so that she and Jim bracketed him, both cuddled in tight. "Now this is the life...brilliant brunette on one side, gorgeous blond on the other. Couldn't ask for more." Pressing a kiss to first Jo's hair, then Jim's, Leonard sighed happily, settling in. "I love you both, and I'd be more than happy to spend every day as a quiet day, but is there any particular reason you wanted today?"

"Yesterday was big." Joanna replied easily, reaching across Leonard to hold Jim's hand. 

"Well, pumpkin, 'm afraid I've gotta talk 'bout something big. I won't get kicked out for that, now, will I?"

"No..." Joana decided heavily, wiggling slightly and heaving a sigh as if resigning herself to a terrible fate. 

Jim licked his lips, ready to take the plunge for him, but Leonard already knew what he needed to say, and how to say it, "Jo, Jim and I have to talk to you about our future as a family--"

"You guys can't take me to space with you."Joannafilled in, her voice small and say. "Demora was telling me...that she wasn't allowed to go with her daddy. That she had to stay with her papa, just like you went, and Istayed with mama." 

Leoanrd's words caught in his throat that that had been broached in the hours spent apparently frollicking the previous afternoon, but Jim thrived under changes of consitions, "Demora's right, peach, but your daddy and I are trying to change things...what we need to know, is whether you'd want to come with us."

Joanna sat up abruptly, the look on her face so utterly unimpressed that Leonard could practically _hear_ Jim accusing him of being a bad influcence. "Of course I'd want to come with you!"

Jim chuckled, holding up a hand as if in surrender, "Peach, there's a lot that, as a family, we've gotta talk about before I'll be comfortable giving you this choice. Will you hear us out?"

Joanna's expression could only be classified as 'mutinous', but she nodded slowly, pulling a blanket around her shoulders as if to shield herself from letting them change her mind. 

Jim took a deep breath, considering how best to approach the situation, but Leonard beat him to the punch, "Jo, I know that you know I saved Jim...Did anyone tell you what I had to save him from, and why?" Joanna's eyes went wide, but she shook her head. "There were two very bad men who were trying to hurt people, sweetheart. They...they crippled the Enterprise, knocked the warp core out of alignment--and that idiot walked into the core, and realigned it himself, in order to save the crew." 

With every word Leonard questioned the decision to tell her this, but Jim reached over him, bringing her gaze to his with a steadiness that not even John Grimm could boast of, "What your daddy and I want to say is that being on a starship is dangerous, and neither of us would ever be okay losing you...but, we want to talk to you about the options--though, I have to be perfectly clear right now, your daddy and I can move mountains, but I'm not 100 percent sure we'll be able to change these rules...more about 78 percent. Do you want to hear all the options, and put in your vote, peach?" Joanna had tears streaming down her cheeks, but she nodded. 

"We...Mama and I saw what happened to Vulcan. Stayin' on a planet isn't so safe, either." Joanna spoke the exact hope they held out, and Jim's breathing stuttered, but Leonard had never seen him look more proud, and that included the time Leonard had managed to scrape by his Piloting 101 class. 

"What your daddy and I do, peach, is to keep the worlds as safe as we can, by searching out new worlds--but also by defending what we've built. Now, there is nothing more important than our family, peach, especially you...but I don't think I'm done protecting what we've built. Your dad and I have talked about it--and he can stay with you while I'm out there--I'll comm and visit any time I can," Jim didn't mention that the five-year mission he'd been hoping for loomed over the crew of the Enterprise, ever-more likely, and that visiting was not as easy as that. "If you want to stay on Earth, then we'll stop fighting to be allowed to bring you, and you and your daddy can go back to the house once I deploy--"

"Would you...would you make me live with Uncle Martin so you can go and make sure they're safe?"Joanna demanded of Leonard, and he was startled by her vehemence that he would be protecting them. 

"No, sweetheart. I'm not leavin' you again." Leonard replied, voice kept quiet in the futile hope that he could keep her from hearing the strain in the words. 

Visibly upset, Joanna looked from Jim to Leonard for a long moment before she darted forward, pulling them both into a throttling hug. "It doesn't change how much I love you, peach, please know that. I would give anything to stay with you two...but I need to make sure that we're as safe as I can make us." Joanna nodded, and Leonard didn't doubt for a moment that she didn't, in her own way, understand. 

Joanna had not been a child to be afraid of monsters under the bed; she'd paid far too close attention for that, and when accidents or tragedies had happened, Joanna had gotten scared of those things happening to them. Jocelyn had once told Leonard it was his worried nature, rubbing off, and, really, Leonard was inclined to agree when Joanna tended to hear things about malfunctions, and a few days later would end up questioning them about how whatever had malfunctioned had worked, taking it all in with a quiet determination, and asking questions that Leonard had seen professionals trip over answering. It was not quite the same way Jim worked, because he would first read and research everything he could possibly find, and then ask an expert, or someone who could be an expert; but it was so damned close that Leonard had recognised the signs in Jim that he'd seen in Joanna, and had been thankful immediately and utterly that Jim was someone he could easily point Joanna to when Leonard couldn't answer her line of questioning. 

Of course, that presented the very real possibility that both Jim and Joanna would then fall down a rabbit hole of their learning and he'd be left in the dust, but Leonard comforted himself with the surety that since Jim hadn't fallen down a rabbit hole yet, it wasn't likely he was about to. 

"If you an' I stay, Jo, we'd comm and visit as often as we could with Jim...but it might not be that much." Leonard told her carefully, "He will come back to us in a few years, though." 

Jo turned her red-eyed gaze back to Jim, "Even if you don' find what's waitin' out there?" 

Jim brushed her hair back, kindness etched in every one of his features, "Even if." He promised, "After all, the people we work with are very good people. I trust them, just as much as they trust me, so I know that I can teach them to be just as reckless and brilliant as I am, given a little more time."

Leonard was full to bursting with pride as Joanna snorted and rolled her eyes at Jim's overdone wink. Joanna looked at him, pursing her lips slightly, "I don't know what you're laughing about, you're the one who _found_ him." 

"Hey, you're the one that agreed to letting me marry him." Leonard replied primly, and Joanna scoffed. 

"Wow, you two are mean! Maybe I shouldn't marry into this family after all..." Jim grumbled, making as if to get out of the fort, and Joanna and Leonard moved as one to throw themselves on him, pinning him to the mattress and very nearly toppling the fort down on top of them. "No! Ah! Structural integrity at 72 percent!" Jim squealed, and Leonard laughed into his neck, Joanna sliding down to incapacitate his legs. Jim was laughing with him, his hand falling, warm and familiar, to Leonard's flank as Leonard eased a kiss to the soft skin already beneath his mouth. As they all went properly still, waiting for the fort to either steady or fall, Leonard took the moment, mouthing against Jim's neck the words, 'I love you'. 

Jim's hand skimmed upwards, wrapping around him as the other gave a gentle tug to his hair, the smile on Jim's mouth bright even in the shadows cast by their lantern being knocked out of its place. Jo climbed off Jim's legs, and Leoanrd pouted, but sat up--as much as he could with Jim still clinging to him. "Ah! Jo, help! I've been captured!" 

"Jo, take your chance--go for his sides, he's vulnerable there!" Leonard squawked as Jo let out a victory cry and dove onto his back, trying to tickle his sides. 

It was more the yelling and desperate attempts to tickle him than any actual ticklishness that had Leonard laughing into Jim's shoulder, Jim and Joanna exclaiming their victory because they'd gotten him to laugh. Reaching behind himself, Leonard plucked his daughter up in a one-armed grip, managing to bring her up and over so that he was draped over both of them now, though how he'd done it without any injuries to any of the parties involved was something even he wasn't sure about. Settling all his weight down so that Joanna was being squished but not crushed, and Jim was grunting underneath him, trying to squirm out, Leonard laid his head down as if he was going to manage to have a nap with one of his pillows struggling weakly beneath him. Joanna couldn't possibly remember, because she'd been far too little, but Leonard's trick for getting Jim to sleep in the Academy days--to trap him in bed and ignore it every time he struggled or tried to move--had originally been his way of getting Joanna to sleep: Even though there was no way she ought to have been able to remember, though, Joanna had stopped struggling immediately. 

Considering he was fairly sure that he'd usually fallen asleep wrapped around her faster than she had ever fallen asleep, Leonard should have known that the lack of struggle meant nothing good. 

Joanna was just as resourceful as Jim was, and Leonard felt a slight wriggle, then Joanna had neatly slid out from under him as if on a track, pulling herself out using the legs of the armchair Jim had used for a fort foundation, and Jim laughed as the fort gave way, collapsing on them both. 

"Ooof." Leonard complained as Joanna leaped onto his back, planting a smacking kiss to his blanket-covered cheek before she giggled impishly and ran away. 

"You brought this upon us both. You have no one else to blame." Jim sighed as if he was truly put out. 

"Yes, because this doesn't open things up for the two of you to make a bigger and better fort." Leonard sincerely hoped Jim could _hear_ his eyes rolling. 

Jim shook with laughter, his hand sliding down to the small of Leonard's back. He craned to look down at Leonard, and Leonard batted the blanket up enough to see him, and he knew from how it felt that his smile would destroy anything that was left of his dastardly reputation. "Why, hello there, Doc." Jim grinned, tracing a thumb over the cut of Leonard's cheekbone, eyes on his lips, and Leonard could hardly resist that. 

The vibrations of Jim moaning into their kiss had Leonard chuckling, and he let himself soak in the comfortable ease between them before he made himself sit up, making a production of groaning under the weight of the blankets and pillows that had fallen from their use as roof and scaffolding. Jo giggled from the doorway, and as they clawed their way into the open, Leonard took in the sight of his daughter with a glass of iced tea, leaning in the door way like she owned the place, and laughed at himself for ever thinking that that apartment would have been home without her there. "So when are you two going to get married?" 

The innocent-sounding question surprised a laugh out of Jim, who pulled Leonard to his feet out from under the fall of debris. "That's a good question, peach. But first, we need to finish our conversation." 

Joanna took a deep breath, nodding solemnly and licking her lips. "I still want to go with you. I know that it's dangerous...but I want to be there." Chin set defiantly, Joanna looked at them both, and Leonard nodded, opening his arms. She ran into a hug, and Jim ducked to pick up the abandoned cup, clapping Jo on the back gently and smiling at her over Leonard's shoulder as he moved to set the cup in the kitchen. "Thank you for bringin' Papa Jim back, daddy." She murmured, too low for Jim to hear. He let her down as she twisted to get out of his grip, and Joanna ran to Jim, wrapping around his knees, "Thank you for savin' my daddy, and the crew, and the world." 

Jim crouched and hugged her tight. His voice was soft and steady and held a weight "I will do everything I can to make sure everyone we love will come back to us, peach." He pressed a kiss to her forehead, smiling at her brightly. "Would you like a cup of tea?" 

Joanna beamed and nodded eaderly, and Leonard accepted happily when Jim offered Leonard the same. "If you really want to come with us, then I think Jim and I should get married before we leave." 

Remembering himself, Leonard wandered back into his and Jim's bedroom, sliding open his sock drawer and reaching for the box he knew was waiting there. 

The wedding ring he'd worn as Kennex had been lost to him during the Eugenics wars; the one he'd worn with Jocelyn he had gotten rid of, standing next to Jim the night after they'd gotten off the shuttle, Leonard putting his arm into it as he threw the golden band into the Bay. These rings, he'd had made for the two of them, to last as long as they would. The silvery metal was said to be nearly indestructible once the liquid metal had set into a shape; the molten veins of it tapped directly to be made into whatever form it was poured into. Rings were rare, but worth it. 

Leonard slipped back out, quietly joining Joanna at the kitchen island as Jim set about making a fragrant, spicy tea with, for some reason, a small pot of milk instead of water. Joanna looked Leonard up and down, then flashed an impish grin as if she knew exactly what he'd slipped into his pocket. "I wanna go pick a holo for us to watch!" Joanna chirped, sliding away and sprinting for the couch, diving over the back of it and Leonard had to bite down on his laugh as he saw her peek over the edge of it, eyes narrowed suspiciously. 

Jim had stopped, blinking curiously after her. "That was odd, right?" 

"Yes. And very unsubtle!" Leonard raised his voice to make his point, and with a giggle, Joanna's head disappeared back behind the back of the couch. 

"Unsubtle? Are you trying to get me alone, Bonesy?" Waggling his eyebrows, Jim grinned. 

"Well, I wanted to...Oh, to hell with it. Leonard reached into his pocket, flicking the box open and setting it on the island between them. Jim froze, his eyes gone wide, and for a moment Leonard had to remind himself that Jim had already agreed to marry him--had made a point of pressing his happiness about it into every moment he could. 

"Are those..." 

"Ours." Leonard told him, "I got 'em...before we left for Georgia." The little gasp coming from the couch made him inwardly wince, "I was buildin' myself up to askin'." 

Jim's fingers trembled as he reached for the rings, and Leonard caught his hand, surprised that Jim's skin was cold. "They're beautiful, Bones." 

"We can save 'em for later, or--" 

"Nope, put that ring on me right...right goddamned now, Bones." Jim had stopped himself from using a harder curse, and Leonard changed his grip on Jim's hand, bringing it up to his lips and pressing a kiss to the back, sliding the ring out of the box and fitting it onto Jim's finger perfectly. 

Jim's hand twisted out of his, his other hand grabbing up the other ring as he crossed the island in long strides, pressing into Leonard's space and leaning in to kiss him deeply before he caught Leonard's hand and slid Leonard's ring into place. 

From the couch, Joanna cheered, and Jim burst out laughing into the kiss, dropping his head to Leonard's shoulder as he wrapped around Leonard in a firm hug. "I love you." Jim laughed, and Leonard pressed a kiss to his temple with a laugh, not at all caring if Jim was speaking to him or to Jo. 

"We love you, too!" Joanna called back, sounding giddy. 

Jim pulled back, his smile soft as he rocked into Leonard for a peck of a kiss before he moved to go back to the tea. 

"Telling the crew is going to be interesting." Leonard murmured, and Jim snorted. 

"Bones, I'm pretty sure they started calling us an old married couple around the time you talked Spock into taking over the conn after the Narada." Jim told him, breathing deep the tea as if testing the waters. Looking appeased, Jim brought down three small cups, pouring the concoction through a strainer that caught the anise, cloves, and cinnamon hunks, but let a fine froth of the milk to form on top. Jim sprinkled each of them with a dust of cinnamon, handing Leonard his mug and bringing Joanna hers. Joanna had settled herself precisely in the centre of the couch, innocently kicking her feet, as much as she could with her height. “Anything of interest, peach?” 

Joanna blinked up innocently at Jim as he sat on the far side of the couch, setting her tea down with a quiet warning about how hot it was yet, and Leonard folded himself onto the other side of the couch before realizing that they needed a blanket, and those had all been pressed into use for the fort. While Leonard didn’t necessarily need the extra warmth, for some reason Jim and Joanna both relished it, and delighted in stealing as much of his warmth as they could, too. Leonard draped one of their fluffier blankets over them, Joanna curling up like a cat around her mug once he did. 

Before he could settle back in, Leonard heard his comm go off in the office. Brushing a kiss to Jim's temple, Leonard went to answer it. 

_"Hey, kid."_ Boyce sounded worse than he had before he'd told Leonard of Winona's arrival the day before, and Leonard's stomach dropped. 

"Phil, are you alright?" 

_"It's not me I'm worried about, Len. The Reliant has returned, as you know...but with them came Doctor Wyatt. The Admiral."_ Leonard sat heavily at that news; if Sarge was no longer under Boyce's care, they were in danger. _"Wyatt's a good man...he wants me to continue Sarge's care--but he asked Sarge if there was anything more we could do for him."_ Throat clicking as he swallowed, Leonard drew in a slow, shaking breath, closing his eyes, _"Sarge's one request was an audience with you."_


	18. I'm a Kamikazi (Chasing Down My Demons)

Both Jim and Joanna were still asleep when Leonard slipped out of the apartment. He hadn't told Jim that he was going to go see Sarge--that he'd been all-but ordered to do so, if only to keep up appearances. 

The device sat heavy in his pocket, and though he didn't think that was anywhere near proof enough against Sarge, he at least hoped that Sarge was still smart enough not to try anything. 

Boyce looked greyer than he ought to, meeting him at the elevator to the secure wing of Starfleet Medical. Leonard handed him a coffee, "This is a bribe." Leonard told him clearly. 

"You make the worst possible decisions." Boyce groaned, accepting the drink with a sound like the damned. 

"At least I know whose palms to grease?" Leonard offered. 

"That is...a disgusting turn of phrase. Seriously? Where does that even come from?" 

"Not sure I want to know." Leonard agreed, wrinkling his nose. "Where are we gonna do this?" 

Boyce sighed deeply, leading the way into the warren of bare, light-blue walls. The securities on the doors belied the peaceful veneer, and without meaning to, Leonard had cased the place. With security holos mounted at intervals of two feet, providing complete coverage. of the area outside the biolocked doors. "Are you sure you should be doing this, kid?" Boyce hissed. 

"Is there any way you can get me out of talking to my former commanding officer, who could out me as a immortal or tear my spine out?" Leonard rumbled back pointedly. They both knew that to unilaterally deny Sarge the one thing he had asked for would be called into question, even with the most wholesome of excuses. 

Leonard stepped into the room with a sharp breath, bracing as if for impact. The room was painted a blue off-white, the room bisected by a wall of tempered glass that should've been nearly indestructible--but Leonard knew, from experience, that either of them could break that glass with little more than a solid right-hook. On his side of the glass, there was a seat waiting for him; on Sarge's a biobed and a seat. Sarge was doing push-ups, and Leonard drew in a slow breath, fighting the pull of memory, but he knew his shoulders had straightened, the tension in his spinal cord putting him very nearly at attention. "Good morning, Doctor." Sarge greeted, sounding just like himself. Leonard didn't flinch, but it was a near thing. Sarge hadn't even looked up, scoffing his next, "Leonard Horatio McCoy, neurosurgeon." 

"I'm Chief Medical Officer now...not just a neurosurgeon anymore." Leonard murmured, dropping into the seat as if his strings had been cut. "Have you decided to stop trying to kill people?" 

Sarge looked up at him then, and Leonard hated the feeling that he _knew_ who it was before him, because it was making it unbearably difficult to keep hold of the idea that Sarge had been dead since he'd gotten infected. "Your friend, Doctor Boyce, has been trying to find an anti-psychotic that will stay in my system. He's had some success." 

Leonard had known that Boyce was trying, but hadn't had much hope for it. Boyce hadn't mentioned that he'd had any success at all, either, and Leonard had to wonder if Sarge had revealed that success to anyone but him. "I'm happy to hear it." Leonard managed. 

"Liar." Sarge murmured, and Leonard activated the device, secure in the knowledge that he'd be able to plant a mechanical "You and I both know it'd be easier for you if I was just as monstrous as I was up there. You always did have trouble killing people who didn't deserve it." 

“An' you're sayin' that you deserved to die up there?" 

Sarge's movements were fast and fluid in a way he hadn't been before C24, and as he sat opposite Leonard, Leonard was given to wonder if he wasn't being stalked by _the_ apex predator. "I killed innocents." 

"Yes, you did." Leonard agreed softly. 

"I killed the Kid for trying to stop me." 

Ducking his head, Leonard felt a moue of abject disappointment pinching at his features, but he swallowed down his feelings, because it wasn't worth drudging up the memory. "What's your point?" 

When he straightened again, Leonard's gaze was met dead-on, nearly defiantly. "Why haven't you killed me properly yet, Reaper?" 

Leonard didn't have an answer to give him, "I'm not Reaper any longer." 

"No, I suppose not. But there's some things that you can't civilize away. The plan is still to kill me, yes?" 

Leonard nodded evenly, "Originally, we were going to dispose of you while we got rid of those monsters they used your blood to create." 

Sarge's eyes narrowed, a look of shrewd discrimination pinching his brows tight, "You remain here, when your blood could easily be used, too. Why?" 

That question had been banging around in the back of Leonard's mind for years, but it was only in answering Sarge that he found himself with an answer that felt true, "Because I'm sick of the shadows. I've built myself a family, a home. I'll leave it when the time comes, but I refuse to deny myself any longer." 

Sarge's gaze was fond, familiar, and Leonard's skin crawled, "There's the Reaper I know. Impulsive to the core, and lucky as fuck that those impulses didn't lead you astray. I wanted to say good bye, John...Leonard. What balance Doctor Boyce has managed to provide let me see clearly that I have to go. This world isn't for me anymore. I'm...glad that it's a world that still has a place for you." 

Leonard felt as though he were being dismissed, and a cold curl of dread in his chest fought against the lingering memory of instinct to rise and take the dismissal. "I'm sorry, Sarge." 

His dark eyes flashing, Sarge smiled, his teeth just as sharp as they had been in the ARK, the mutation just enough to scream 'danger'. "You won't be outed by me, but choose your family wisely, Reaper. Not everyone will be so willing to take this to their grave." 

This time, Leonard couldn't fight the instinctive reaction to his dismissal, rising and nodding to his oldest friend, the tumult inside his chest kept off his features. He shut down the device, bile rising in the back of his throat at the sight of Boyce outside the door; the urge to tell him that his plan had worked regarding Sarge's sanity--the urge to spill the proverbial beans that Sarge had every intention of killing himself--choked off with the iron will of an RRTS Marine. Boyce didn't ask anything of him, walking him out of the building and into a taxi without saying a word. Leonard didn't know where Boyce had ordered him to be dropped off until they'd pulled up, his door opening for him, and Jim's haunted eyes met Leonard's for just a moment before Jim was pulling him into a hard hug, his fingers tangling in Leonard's hair as he tucked Leonard's face down, the proper scent of citrus and mint flooding into his lungs, and even though Leonard relaxed instinctively into Jim, a large part of him--the part, he had to admit, was Reaper--couldn't let it go completely. 

"I love you, but that was dumb." Jim murmured, rubbing over his shoulders. "Bones?" 

Leonard raised his mouth to press a kiss to the strong, steady beat of Jim's pulse, his hands fisting tightly in Jim's shirt. "I love you, too, darlin'. I had to..." 

"Yeah, I know. Didn't have to do it alone, though, you idiot." Jim shifted enough to angle Leonard's mouth up for him to kiss, small and chaste but so warm and utterly necessary that Leonard felt something click back into place within him. "Jo is with Nyota and Spock in the restaurant, but I can beg you off of family brunch. Just tell me what you need--tell me how to help you." 

Leonard found himself with that quiet request, breathing deeply and rolling back to look at Jim with a soft smile, brushing Jim's hair off his forehead. "No, I think family'll be good for me." Jim's fingers curled in his collar, his gaze raking over Leonard as if looking for a tell, but he nodded, leaning forward once more for another chaste press of lips. 

"Next time you sneak out of the house, at least leave me a note?" Jim requested, sounding so domestic that Leonard almost laughed. 

"I'm shocked I managed to sneak out. You have no idea how tempting you are, curled up on our bed." The low growl of his voice brought a rush of rose to Jim's cheeks and ears, and Leonard pressed a kiss to his forehead before he pulled them both towards the restaurant. 

With Jim's left hand firmly in his right, Leonard could feel Jim's hand in his own, skin-warm and comfortable. It would be the first time they were in the position for anyone but Joanna would find out about their engagement. Wondering briefly if he should perhaps have told Boyce before Spock and Uhura, Leonard settled into the familiar flutter of latent anxiety that seemed to be his lot in life from the moment his life had intersected with Jim Kirk's. 

"Good morning, Len!" Nyota greeted brightly, leaning over Joanna's shoulder to colour with her. Joanna smiled brightly but absently up at her father, far too focused on colouring in a firebird. "Everything okay? Spock was worried." 

Spock's look of complete offence was enough to send Leonard snorting into the coffee Jim poured for him, and Jim was trying and failing to bite back his giggles. “I’m alright, just...had an appointment I couldn’t afford to miss.” 

Jim’s hand slid briefly back into his, squeezing softly before slipping away again to hand Leonard a menu, sitting comfortably close; providing a steadying presence without making it obvious that Leonard even needed one. Flipping the menu screens, Leonard idly wondered if he could talk Jim and Joanna into doing things today; the prospect of a quiet day, where his thoughts could catch up to him faster than he could run away was untenable. He had spent centuries with the memories of what had happened; what he’d done—he wasn’t sure it would bear repeating, knowing that Boyce had managed to find something to bring the Sarge he knew back. 

The near-lethal dose of nitrous that had given him pain relief for the first time in forever couldn’t easily be translated into a viable option, and knowing what he knew about their systems, he had to wonder if Boyce had managed to find something borderline homeopathic to work with—the only other option a continuous-dose patch, or several, loaded with enough anti-psycotics to down an elephant. 

It wasn’t until he had a plate of food he didn’t recall ordering set in front of him that Leonard snapped out of his reverie, looking up to see the small mischief in Jim’s features and knowing that he hadn’t ordered for himself after all, but his distraction had drawn the scrutiny of the Vulcan and possibly the worry of Uhura. “I was distressed to hear of the ethics board convened to call into question your decision to save Jim, Doctor.” Spock began, and Leonard swallowed. 

“It wasn’t so much my decision to do it as it was my choice not to make available the information on how I did it— and my refusal to do it again.” Leonard told him; realizing that Spock, of all of them, would know the ins and outs of those ethics boards, and have insight that Jim and Uhura couldn’t provide. 

"In light of the...mysterious disappearance of Khan and his cohorts' bodies, the Admiralty will have their hands tied, I trust." 

Leonard took a slow breath, eyes skirting over Joanna, absorbed in her colouring even if Nyota was listening to them like a fox on the hunt, "There is a...possibility that Jim's blood could be used to recreate the serum." 

Spock blinked, "I wish you would have informed me sooner of this possibility, Doctor, as this has the potential to pose great threat to Jim's captaincy." 

"Yes, because trying to make me disappear is going to be so easy." Jim growled, just low enough that Joanna looked up, hearing his voice but not able to make out the words. 

"Boys." Nyota warned, eyes coldly threatening. "Let's have a nice family breakfast, and hold off on all that comes next until it comes." 

"I would like to discuss this further with you, Doctor." 

"Right now, Bones and I are gonna focus on Jo and getting our life together." Jim told them, taking Leonard's hand over the table and giving it a quick squeeze before he reached for his glass of grapefruit juice. Leonard was waiting for an exclamation--something to signal that Nyota had caught sight of the band resting on Jim's finger as naturally as if it had always been there, but nothing came. Feeling oddly like he was waiting for the other shoe to drop, Leonard addressed himself fully to his breakfast; forcing himself not to admonish either Jim or Joanna for their sugary choices. 

It wasn't until they'd parted ways, the morning more than half-gone, even for as early as it had still been when Leonard had stumbled out of that cab, that Leonard's comm beeped with a message, Nyota wishing them both congratulations, along with the sentiment that it was about damn time. 

Since Nyota had been unsubtly trying to get Leonard to admit to feelings for Jim since their first shared class as a trio, Leonard was going to cut her some slack on the fact that it'd only been a few months since he and Jim had finally begun, and no one, least of all them, should really have been ready for them to get married. 

Leonard wasn't sure how Sarge was going to do what he had intimated he was going to do, but he somehow couldn't doubt that Sarge would find a way. 

With Joanna suspended between them, screaming for joy as Jim lifted her off her feet and swung her with their clasped hands, Leonard fought with himself to be in the moment; thankful to Jim for having picked up on Leonard's need to be distracted, but painfully aware that distraction was proving to not be quite enough this time. The busy streets were enough to set Leonard's instincts on edge, listening for dangers that he knew weren't really there. It was very nearly a relief when Jim led them into an apartment complex, and a yell went up at the sight of them. Demora and Hikaru Sulu were sitting with Pavel Chekov, apparently having a tea party, but the second she was in sight, Joanna was the belle of the ball as far as Demora was concerned. 

"Hey, guys!" Clapping Hikaru on the arm before pulling him in for a brief hug, Jim grinned brightly, and it was the first signal Leonard had that Jim was putting on airs in order to seem so at ease. "Thanks for agreeing to watch Jo for a couple days while Scotty has us hopping on the Enterprise. I'm pretty sure if I'd put him off any longer, he would have cursed me in Scottish Gaelic to only ever be able to find my left shoe." 

"You sure he hasn't already? Man, when he gets going, he gets harder to follow." Hikaru chuckled, shaking his head. 

Jim laughed, shrugging good-naturedly, "He gets excited, just like the rest of us." 

Exchanging small talk with the other two, Jim smoothly walked Leonard through what was going on without actually telling him any of it directly; that Jim had called Hikaru to see if Demora wanted to have Jo for a sleepover while Jim and Leonard got ready to head to the dock, picking Joanna up the next evening when they were finished looking over the Med Bay with Scotty so that they had both the captain’s and CMO’s stamp of approval. Joanna seemed more than happy to have play time with Demora, though why they were all at Pavel’s apartment was a mystery. 

Running back to them as Jim was making their goodbyes, Joanna wrapped her father’s leg up in a hug, frowning when he gently pulled her off until he crouched before her to embrace her properly. She hugged him tight, her features set in such a determined expression that Leonard questioned whether she’d been around Jim long enough to have picked up on his, “Whatever’s wrong, Papa Jim will help you.” 

“I know he will, pumpkin. I’m sorry I’ve worried you, but you don’t have to worry any more. Jim’ll sort me out, make me go out to space, and scare these blues away—I’ll be right as rain.” 

Joanna clung a hair tighter for a minute more, then released Leonard, turning a stern look on Jim that unquestionably marked her as Leonard’s daughter. Jim smiled, dropping to accept a hug and murmuring to her while Pavel pulled Leonard back to his feet, clapping him on the arm, “Don’t vorry, Len, ve ha’ all been dere. Hikaru and I are happy to help.” 

The soft look on Hikaru’s face told Leonard that not everyone had been there, but that Hikaru had, and Pavel had stepped in in some way, just as Jim was doing for Leonard now. “Still, thank you both. I don’ think Scotty’s ready to handle a kid who’s been takin’ her cues from Jim Kirk on top of a grouchy old doctor.” 

Beside him, Jim regained his feet, his bright eyes brighter both with mischief and with something that suspiciously looked like tears, but he handed the backpack he’d had slung over his shoulder to Joanna, who saluted him devilishly and ran with it, and Jim made the last of their goodbyes with promises to sneak into the fully-outfitted botany lab and take holos so that Hikaru could have a sneak-peak despite the Science team claiming the space was theirs and preventing Hikaru the early access for approval that everyone else got for their part of the boat. Jim took his hand firmly as they walked into the San Francisco day, and Leonard actually felt a little clearer now that Joanna was safe with their friends, the non-existent threat of the busy street put off with the subconscious reassurance that Jim was just as good and just as indestructible as he was. 

“I’ve already packed for us both, so my vote is we pick up the ingredients for comfort food from the Luna-Chinese market and go home so you can tell me what’s going on and I can properly berate you for leaving me out of whatever horrible decision you’ve gone all quiet over.” Jim offered, sounding put out despite there being no real heat behind the words. 

Leonard pulled them to a stop just out of the pedestrian traffic, pulling Jim to look at him and taking both Jim’s hands, studying his face and seeing the mounting concern mixed with just how entirely Jim loved him, “No decision of mine, darlin’. ‘M sorry I didn’t tell you I was gonna see Sarge...I knew it was gonna be bad, and I knew if I told you, you’d talk me outta it, and I would cave when it was something I really had to do.” Pressing a firm kiss to Jim’s forehead, Leonard squeezed Jim’s fingers before releasing one of his hands and letting them walk on. Jim was by no means set at ease, but he’d leaned into Leonard’s shoulder a little bit more, quiet and steady in a way most people thought, wrongly, would be the antithesis to Jim Kirk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Putting it up to you guys: Do you want me to keep going with this, or would you like me to wrap it up sooner rather than later?


	19. (Forever My Shining) Ever My Shining Star

Enveloped in Leonard's arms, Jim was sleeping peacefully; the ever-present hum of the ship around them comfortable now. In the next room, Joanna was sound asleep, the soft sounds of a rain track lulling her and keeping her under. 

They'd nearly lost the Enterprise, and Leonard had never been more thankful that Demora and Joanna had remained friends over the last two years; that Jo had had someone to stay with when they were called to that godawful planet. Catching Jim from being lost to the space vacuum would never be a part of the story that Leonard would admit to his baby girl; too close to losing him to bear telling. 

"Stop thinking," Jim murmured muzzily, pressing back against Leonard in a delicious, warm roll of muscle, "you're doing it too loudly." 

Leonard chuckled, mouth covering a dusting of freckles on Jim's shoulder. Jim shifted, rolling over and running careful, reverent touches through Leonard's hair before tracing over the lines of his forehead as if to soothe them. 

"You've been thinking about the same thing for the last few months, Bones." Jim noted, fingers skirting down to scrub through the grey Leonard had brushed into his temples. Jim's dusting was in full view, and it made Leonard ache with the wish that he could have the chance to see Jim with a head full of grey hair; that they could grow old together like that. "Is it time?" 

Jim's words were as soft as his lips when he stole a kiss before Leonard could answer, the gentle press full of such deep familiarity that Leonard ached to fall into kissing Jim and never come back out. "I don' wanna say yes." 

"Hey, Bones, look at me, gorgeous." Jim urged, and Leonard sighed as he brought his eyes to meet Jim's. "Let's run away together." Jim murmured. 

"You got your five-year mission, Jim." 

"Can you give me another three?" 

Leonard wrapped their hands together, a small smile pulling at his lips, "I'd like to try." 

Jim smiled, pressing in for a slow kiss, peppering kisses over the corner of his mouth, his cheeks, his forehead. "I love you." 

"I love you, too." Jim shifted, slinging a leg over Leonard's and wrapping his arms around Leonard's shoulders, cuddling close and laying his head on Leonard's shoulder when Leonard obligingly let himself settle onto his back. Leonard twisted Jim's ring on his finger, closing his eyes and breathing deep. 

"I'm okay." 

"I know...doesn't seem to matter that I know, though." 

“I’m familiar with that feeling. When it was Spock that was hurt, and not you...I was relieved.” Jim admitted quietly, sounding nearly ashamed. 

“Yeah, well, you and Pavel aren’t allowed to go trying to flip the disk over onto yourselves, or Sulu and I will murder you both.” Jim laughed in whispers, reaching to hold Leonard’s hand tight in his. “Y’know, I was never so worried ‘bout you as I was when the ship was goin’ down.” Leonard kissed Jim’s forehead firmly, squeezing his fingers, “I saw visions of you goin’ down with the ship, and it scared the life outta me.” 

“You know...” Jim whispered, and Leonard nodded; Jim didn’t have to tell him again. Jim would not abandon him unless there was truly nothing he could do to stop it. 

Over the last two years, Jim had been growing tired of his calling, Leonard knew; he’d started to feel like he wasn’t making a difference. In the wake of Krall, Jim had a renewed hope—but Leonard wasn’t sure it was hope that he could make a difference so much as it was hope that he and Jim would be able to find a planet; to make it theirs. If he was being honest with himself, Leonard had been itching to try to get his hands on the research into what Krall had done to himself to become immortal; just to see how similar it was to C24. Headed through the nebula to the reaches beyond, Leonard wondered if Jim was, in some part, going after the civilization who’d left the tech behind. 

Jim stroked careful fingertips over the arch of his eyebrow, tracing down the hill of his cheekbone, the valley of Leonard's dimples in the hollow, his blue eyes trailing in the wake of his touch. Leonard smiled fondly, his lashes fluttering at the gentle warmth of Jim's touches. Licking his lips, Leonard sighed as he urged Jim in, the press of their lips an offer shared between them for more. They moved smoothly together, Jim shifting to sling a leg over Leonard's hips, Leonard's hands settling low on Jim's waist with a teasing squeeze. Jim broke the kiss chuckling, ducking to press his mouth to Leonard's throat, reaching back to draw his own t-shirt off and toss it away, the press of Jim's bare chest against Leonard's warm enough to send a shiver through Leonard's system, urging him to hold onto Jim just a little tighter. Jim grinned brilliantly, eyes alight with mischief, "Maybe you should think too loudly more often..." 

"Wake you up to take advantage of you?" Leonard poured as much speculative doubt into his words as he could muster, rolling his hips up against Jim's in a way that Jim had already warned him, several times, was likely to end in Jim having an aneurysm. 

"Best wake-up call to get." Jim groaned, rocking in counterpoint with far less grace and far more intent. 

"Really? Not a call for new civilizations?" 

"You beat out all of it." Jim murmured, trailing bites over Leonard's collarbones. "Every time." 

Leonard moved to grip at Jim's thighs, just under the generous curve of his ass, stilling Jim's hips. "Tell me what you want, darlin'." 

Jim grinned, pulling Leonard's sweatpants slowly down his hips, licking his lips as the skin was bared. Jim raised himself slightly to watch the reveal of pale flesh, the grip on his hips going tight because of the movement, and Leonard didn't adjust, a challenge in his gaze as Jim licked his lips. "It's gonna be like that, huh?" 

"Gotta throw a challenge or two in, darlin', or you'd just get bored." Leonard replied innocently, managing to hold back all but a slight curl of his lips. 

"Bored? With you?" Jim teased, leaning forward to kiss Leonard with a sweetness that told Leonard all he need know about what Jim wanted; playful and easy. Leonard was more than happy to give him exactly that. Leonard laughed as Jim growled his way into a fit of giggles, "I could never be bored with you, Bones." 

Leonard grinned, teasing Jim's lips before knowingly sighing, "Lemme guess--it's tryin' to get me into the leather pants that's givin' you the thrill of the chase still."

"See, if I say yes, then you'll hold out under the excuse of keeping the thrill alive--if I say no, you'll tell me that I don't really want you in the leather pants." 

Leonard laughed his agreement, sucking hard at Jim's pulse and wrapping them together, warm and close and utterly comforting. "I'll tell you what...you manage to go three whole years without another major attack on your life, an' I'll wear the pants."

Jim froze, the look of calculation so intense that Leonard couldn't help but snort into laughter, "Deal."


End file.
